Episode 85: Pet Peeves
Episode 85: Pet Peeves
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pet Peeves- episode 85
pet Peeves- episode 85
“ a pet peeve is an annoyance that’s nurtured like a pet — it's something someone can never resist complaining about.” This week’s topic came from me noticing a pet peeve of my own, hand towels not getting hung back on their hook. I wanted to figure out the reason behind these little but big annoyances. I share some of the things I found. I talk about a few of the reasons why we might have a pet peace in the first place. I share one experience our family had with spills at dinner and being able to change that from a big annoyance to an expected and celebrated part of the meal. I also then share a few other ideas to help in the ways to cope.
Show Notes: Hi Friends! I hope you enjoyed listening to this episode. Below are all the references.
Things I learned this week:
The definition I found really helpful was from https://www.vocabulary.com/dictionary/pet%20peeve
A peeve is an annoyance, and a pet peeve is an annoyance that’s nurtured like a pet — it's something someone can never resist complaining about. There are all kinds of pet peeves, like littering, misusing punctuation, driving slowly in the fast lane, or talking during movies. If something like that drives you crazy and you have to yap about it, it's a pet peeve. Pet peeves tend to be smaller issues. No one would call terrorism a pet peeve.
I think one of the biggest part of a pet peeve is the nurturing it. Venting, complaining and seemingly finding a reason to notice it.
Why do we develop pet peeves in the first place? Here are a few hypotheses from a number or articles. Those articles will be below all of the reasons.
Reasons our brain develop of pet peeves :
A way our brain tries to protect us from harm
We form them after having a negative experience.
They develop from the emotions of disgust and irritation.
“When something seriously bothers you, there are three potential reasons why: 1.) You want what someone else has 2.) You fear or don’t understand something or 3.) You see that same quality in yourself.”
We may have some underlying belief that we need to look at.
The thought about socks by Byron Katie - from Chapter 4 of her book Loving What Is -
“People often asked me if I had a religion before 1986 and I say yes it was, my children should pick up their socks. This was my religion and I was totally devoted to it. Even though it never worked. Then one day after the work was alive in me, I realized that it simply wasn’t true. The reality was that day after day they left their socks on the floor. After all my years of preaching and nagging and punishing them. I saw that I was the one who should pick up the socks if I wanted them picked up. My children were perfectly happy with their socks on the floor. Who had the problem? It was me. It was my thoughts about the socks on the floor that had made my life difficult. Not the socks themselves. And who had the solution. Again me, I realized I could be right or I could be free. It took just a few moments for me to pick up the socks without any thoughts of my children. And an amazing thing began to happen, I realized that I loved picking up their socks. It was for me not for them. It stopped being a chore in that moment and it became a pleasure to pick them up and see the un-cluttered floor. Eventually they noticed my pleasure and began to pick up their socks on their own without my having to say a thing. Our parents, our children, our spouses and our friends will continue to press every button we have until we realize what it is that we don’t want to know about ourselves yet. They will point us to our freedom every time.”
Solutions to help us overcome our annoyances:
Solutions to help us overcome our annoyances:
I share about our families change in culture at the dinner table. When my kids were little they would spill all the time during dinner. It was such a annoyance and I would get angry and be short with my kids when this happened. We decided to change the way we responded to this annoyance and accepted that spills were part of dinner. And we even decided it wasn't dinner until a spill happened. So when then when someone spilled during dinner it became a celebration - "It's dinner!!" Hooray! We created a fun way to deal with it too - calling it the spill patrol. So after the spill and the celebration cheer someone would run to grab a towel to help with clean up. No more tears or annoyed parents. Dinner became happy again.
A few big things that help with getting over as well as coping are:
Forgiveness - gratitude - human connection (and realizing that you too can do annoying things as well and applying positive intent to whoever is annoying you) and a look into the way your thinking of the annoyance and finding a new way to think about it.
I also share the sad story of the tooth paste on the mirror by Bryce R. Peterson
That reference is below:
The other thing to cope is to not nurture the annoyance. Resist the need to vent, complain and feel justified by your annoyance.
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