What I learned:  This week I continue talking and learning from the book, "I don't have to make everything all better" by Gary B. and Joy Saunders Lundberg.  This week I talk about principles 5 & 6. 

Principle 5 - Find the right time to teach

There are lots of ways we can teach our children and friends.  But first we need to make sure it is at the right time. Not in the heat of th moment.  

“Life is not filled with only validation.  But it is through validation that we set the stage for effective teaching.” (p75)

First and foremost - effective teaching can only happen when you are in control of yourself. (p83)

Some great times to teach can be:  During mealtime, bed time, family time together, Working together, serving together, learning excursions, in the car, and notes and telephone calls. 

Principle 6 - Learn the Effective validating phrases and questions 

Oh,I’ll bet that’s hard, That would hurt, I think I understand, Hmmm,  I think I might have felt the same way, That must be frustrating, I’m so sorry that happened to you or that’s wonderful, that’s good, I’m happy along with you.   That’s painful, I feel like crying too, That’s neat.  I would have been embarrassed too.  What a good idea.  That’s a tough spot to be in. 

Here are some of the questions that can help:  How did you feel about that? What do you think might work?  Are there other options?  What have you already done? How,what where and when did it happen? What did you think when it happened?  What was that like?  Did you enjoy that?  Is there anything I can do to help?  Would it help if I (name something that you can do)?  

The questions are to learn and understand and then to empower them to think of their own solutions.  

Just as a review here are all of the principles: 

1- Be an effective validator

2-Leave the responsibility where it belongs

3-Acknowledge emotions

4-Develop the art of listening

5-Find the right time to teach

6-Learn the effective validating phrases and questions