Episode 34: It's not about the Nail - i don't have to solve their problems
Episode 34: It's not about the Nail - i don't have to solve their problems
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It's not about the Nail - I don't have to solve their problems - episode 34
It's not about the Nail - I don't have to solve their problems - episode 34
”Your job is not to fix their problems that is Jesus'. Your job is to breath hope into the situation so that they can solve their own problems.” In a follow up to episode 33, Camille continues to find ways to show more compassion for her family and to help them do the same. Learning the 5th myths of helping others really helped Camille to rethink how she helps her children solve their problems. Finding perspective from the short video it’s not about the nail, and learning about the righting reflex Camille shares her ideas of learning to help others by providing a sense of hope and letting them solve their own problems. It really isn’t about the nail.
Show Notes:
What Matters Most
What Matters Most
“Never let a problem to be solved be more important than a person to be loved.” President Thomas S. Monson
5 Myths of Helping Others
5 Myths of Helping Others
(From the Emotional Resilience Self-Reliance workbook)
1- I am 100% responsible for providing others with the help they need.
The savior is the true healer and you can give what you can to help.
2- I should be the expert on solving others problems.
My role is to love and minister but the Savior is doing the real healing. The person is responsible for their own changes.
3- There are quick fixes to life’s problems.
Working through change is a process. Real change is a refinement process that the person has to go through.
4- I don’t know the right things to say, so it’s better I don’t say anything.
The good news is that we often don’t have to say much. The greatest gift we can give others is to show interest in them, ask questions, listen with love, and help people feel safe in sharing with us.
5 - If I help at all, they will always become dependent on me.
As we serve we can set healthy boundaries. The Lord will strengthen us.
By Josh King PsyD
(from part of the article link to the whole article above)
"This video, which has been viewed over 15 million times, is popular because it is something that we can all relate to. The woman in the video is talking about her issues and how she is feeling, and her boyfriend is trying to solve her problem, when that isn’t what she wants. You can hear both of their frustration, and you can relate to both sides of this conversation. On his side, the problem seems obvious … there’s a nail in her head that’s causing those annoying sweater pulls and the headaches. He understandably want to just fix the problem and take it out of there! Seems like a pretty obvious way to address her concerns, right?
It would be, except she’s not looking for a solution to the problem. What she is looking for is a supportive ear to listen to her issues, and to validate how frustrating they are. She is looking to get emotional support, and she’s not quite ready to take action on the nail in her head. Furthermore, by pushing the issue, he is actually pushing her into a more defensive and less flexible place with the nail.
This video is a a great example of something psychologists refer to as the “righting reflex.” This reflexive action is to try and help another person by providing solutions to their problems, even if the other party isn’t looking for solutions, or they aren’t ready to accept a solution. While the righting reflex often comes from a warm and caring place, the end result is that it can push someone away from actually making a change to the situation being discussed. Even look at the last scene of that video. When it’s obvious (even more painfully obvious, that is) that the nail is the problem, when the boyfriend was starting to say it, she turned away in frustration and was refusing to even hear or acknowledge there is an issue. She’s not ready to do something about the nail, and her boyfriend pointing out what a problem it actually is only serves to push her away from addressing the nail at all. In fact, in her mind, the problem is likely to become the boyfriend and his obsession with the nail, or the way he talks to her, when she clearly just wants him to listen to her. In other words, the nail becomes his problem, not hers!!"
Don't Miss this
Don't Miss this
David Butler and Emily Belle Freeman
Quote from David Butler
It is your job to breathe hope into the situation so that they can solve their problem.
By Marilyn Price-Mitchell PhD
“ Families instill compassion at home by: 1) Providing opportunities to practice compassion, 2) Helping children understand anger; and 3) Teaching children to self-regulate their emotions.”
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