Episode 81: replace and embrace - How to be yourself by Ellen Hendriksen, Ph.d. - part 1
replace and embrace - How to be yourself by Ellen Hendriksen- part 1 - episode 81
“The inner critic only wants what’s best for you, but lets you know in an ineffective way. So reason with it. Tell it how strong you are. And remind it that kindness trumps criticism.” In this episode I share some tools from the book by Ellen Hendriksen, Ph.D., How to Be Yourself - quiet your inner critic and rise above social anxiety. This is part 1 in a 2 part series. I reveal the big worry or the why of social anxiety. I also tell you about two tools, replace and embrace, as ways to challenge your inner critic. Good practical stuff to help yourself, your kids, or anyone you might know who struggles with social anxiety, a lot or even a little.
Show Notes: Hi Friends! I hope you enjoyed listening to this episode. Below are all the references.
Click on either image or words to take you to her website where you can find her book, free resources and even a course.
A few things I learned this week :
It is all about THE REVEAL - most people who are socially anxious have a worry that something is wrong with me and it I go out or into a social situation it is going to be completely obvious.
"Even though our perceived flaws feel so real they are either not true or only true to a degree no one cares about."
Social anxiety is actually good in small bits - it helps us get along with others and helps us be part of a group which can keep us safe.
We all have an inner critic - it is just that sometimes it wields a megaphone when we have social anxiety (the Capital S type or just in some situations)
We can challenge and deal with our inner critic with two tools: Replace or Embrace
Replace is a way to challenged your inner critic and has a few parts:
1 - specify - specify - specify - if you have a vague thought of someone is going to think I am a weirdo simply then say to yourself who is going to think that and keep getting specific about what your anxious about.
2. Then ask the questions - How bad would that be? What are the odds? and How would I cope.
Embrace is the 2nd tools and it is using self compassions - talk to yourself like your would a good friend or a good friend would talk to you.
Use mindfulness - go from thinking I really screwed up to I am having the thought that I really screwed up. "Feelings aren't facts. Thoughts are transient not truth."
Be kind to your self and be aware that we are all in this together.
"The inner critic only wants what's best for you, but lets you know in an ineffective way. So reason with it. Tell is how strong you are. And remind it that kindness trumps criticism."