What I learned this week - I am excited to be sharing about the book, The Anatomy of Peace by the Arbinger Institute.   It is a great read and a good help in seeing where we can find peace in our lives.  

The book is divided into three parts.  I am going to take a handful of episodes to cover the book and in this episode I share what it means to have a heart at war and peace.  The book is a parable of sorts - meaning it is is filled with fictional characters that are having experience similar to our own lives.  It this book the characters meet at a wilderness camp for troubled teens - and the parents who the books is about are learning some things so when the children return to their home they can sustain the change. 

The book is based at Camp Moriah which is a Wilderness camp run by a Jewish immigrant from Israel named Avi Rosen and an Arab Muslim immigrant also from Israel named Yusuf al-Falah. They are the teachers in this parable.  Then there are a group of parents.  The main charachters are Lou and Carol Herbert and their son Corry.  Then there is Pettis Murray from Dallas, who has a daughter in the program.  Elizabeth Wingfield - from England but living with her husband in California and dropping off a newphew as his parents live in London and can't afford to make the trip.  Miguel and Ria Lopez, Miguel described as a very big man with lots of hair and his slender wife Ria.  Teri and Carl who daughter Jenny is throwing a fit and doesn't want to be in the program. Then also there is a African American woman name Gymn - who we learn more about her background later in the story.  

A quote from Yusuf about change - as Lou was talking about hoping that Cory would change.  

 “If you are going to invite change in him, there is something that first must change in you. “ (p40)

“But I won’t invite my child to change if my interactions with him are primarily in order to get him to change.” (44)

“I become an agent of change, only to the degree that I begin to live to help things go right rather than simply to correct things that are going wrong.  Rather than simply correcting, for example, I need to re-energize my teaching, my helping, my listening, my learning.  I need to put time and effort into building relationships. And so on. If I don’t work on the bottom part of the pyramid, I won’t be successful at the top.”  

Helping things go right is what they are going to talk about for the next two days.  

Then we learn about the Crusaders from 1099 BC and Saladin who both conquer the city of Jerusalem but in very different ways.  One group heart was at war - The crusaders and  Saladin had a heart of peace.  

What does that mean - A heart at war sees people as object or obstacles to overcome whereas a heart at peace sees people as people. 

Avi points out - "In every moment, we are choosing to be either like Saladin or like the crusading invaders.  In the way we regard our children, our spouses, neighbors, colleagues, and strangers, we choose to see others either as people like ourselves or as objects.  They either count like we do or they don’t.  In the former case, since we regard them as we regard ourselves we say our hearts are at peace toward them.  In the latter case, since we systematically view them as inferior, we say our hearts are at war. “ (62)

“People’s whose hearts are at war toward others can’t consider others’ objections and challenges enough to be able to find a way through them.” said Avi

Then Avi goes on to explain - Generally speaking, we respond to others’ way of being toward us rather than to their behavior.  Which is to say, that our children respond more to how we’re regarding them than they do to our particular words or actions.  We can treat our children fairly, for example, but if our hearts are warring toward them while we are doing it, they won’t think they’re being treated fairly at all. In fact, they’ll respond to us as if they weren’t being treated fairly.”  (72)

“Most problems at home, at work, and in the world are not failures of strategy but failures of ways of being. 

This episode we just cover the beginning 4 chapters and begin to understand what is means to have a heart at war or a heart at peace.