Things that I learned this week:  An interesting topic - our thoughts and overthinking which then causes lead to anxiety or depression.   This book the I found, Don't believe everything you think - Why your thinking is the beginning and end of suffering.  Expanded edition by Joseph Nguyen (pnounced win) really gave me a lot to think about.   He uses a lot of parables one a Buddist parable is about the two arrows.  In life you have an experience and it is like you get shot by two arrows - the first arrow is the pain from the experience and then second arrow is your thought about the first arrow which many times can make it so much worse.  Nguyen points out is that we are all living in our own separate realities -  how we perceive things are going outside of us.  The same two people can think totally differently about the same circumstance or situation.   The Buddha explained, “In life, we can’t always control the first arrow. However, the second arrow is our reaction to the first.  The second arrow is optional.”  “In otherwords, pain in unavoidable, but how we react to that pain is up to us, and that reaction will dictate whether or not we suffer.” (19)

Joseph Nguyen wants us to understand that it is our thinking that causes our suffering.  We may experience pain but we don't need to add extra suffereing on top of it.  The author says in the book  “the root cause of our suffering is our own thinking.” (24) “By changing our thinking we can change our reality” (25)

It is especially helpful as he describes the difference between our thoughts and thinking.  “Thoughts are the energetic, mental raw materials our minds use to understand and navigate the world.  Thoughts are neutral observations, insights, or intuitive promptings that pop into our minds.  A thought takes little  to no effort to produce; it’s something that just happens.  The flip side of this is that we also cannot always control what thoughts enter our minds.”

“Thinking on the other hand, is the judgement or opinion we have about our thoughts.  Thinking takes a significant amount of energy, effort and willpower, which are finite resources.  You don’t have to ruminate on each thought that enters your mind, but when you do, this is thinking.” (33)

This is all so helpful.  In the book he invites you to think about a dream you have, and then what thoughts come in.  And then also what happens with your thinking.  Our first set of thoughts are creative and expansive and curious.  Then as we begin to think about the dream and we start to judge and decide how hard it might be to accomplish or how unrealistic it might be to do.  

He writes in the book, “Thoughts are intrinsically neutral.  But the moment we begin thinking about our thoughts, we get taken on an emotional roller coaster.  This is what I mean when I say that thinking is the root of our suffering.  The initial thought of your dream didn’t cause any suffering until you began thinking about the thought.”  (34)

In the book, the author, Joseph Nguyen, mentions that we don't want to avoid our negative feelings that wouldn't be healthy and they do serve a purpose.  However, we can reduce the amount our suffering as learn to think differently. 

“... dwelling in a state of fear or negativity when there is no immediate threat to our survival is more harmful than helpful.  Ths goal is to decrease the amount of time it takes for us to regulate our emotions and return to a state of peace when we experience something stressful.  This will enable us to decrease the suffering caused by thinking as much as possible. "

To do this Joseph gives us a great tip.  So do we have to think positive to create positive emotions? “The truth is that you do not have to have thoughts or think to feel positive emotions. Positive emotions are not a by-product of thinking but the organic result of being fully in the moment and connected to life rather than thinking about it.” (41) 

I love that. Positive emotions are the result of being fulling inthe moment and connected to life!  What a great thought.   He then gives us a way to help us regulate our feelings and help us to stop thinking and get us to peace and positive emotions.  

Practical steps to stop thinking:

Step 1 - Pause - begin taking deep breaths to help calm our nervous system.   Deep breaths pull our focus from the thinking mind to our bodies, anchoring us in the present moment. “

“Pausing creates space between our emotions and actions, giving us the opportunity to choose a new response rather than repeating the same conditioned reactions that keep us in the cycle of suffering.  Without this space, change cannot exist. Space has the illusion of emptiness on the surface, It is not empty but filled with infinite possibilities for us to choose a new experience of life.  Within the space between your thoughts and your thinking lies the peace you’ve been seeking.” (50)

Step 2 - ask yourself - Is this thinking making me feel the way I want?  Or Do I want to keep suffering?”  These questions remind us of the power we have to choose whether we want to emotionally suffer or not.”

Step 3 - Understand that you have the choice to stop and let go of your thinking.  At this moment you must decide.  

Step 4 - Say and repeat to yourself “Thinking is the root cause of suffering.”  Reminding you of this disempowers your thinking.  

Step 5 - Is to experience your emotions fully. " Most of our destructive habits and behaviors come from the avoidance and suppression of emotions.  When we ignore or fight our feelings, we only make our suffering worse.  We are not trying to bypass our emotions.  Rather, we are trying to accept and feel them fully without judgement.  Suffering come not from our emotions but from the thinking we attached to the emotions. "

So much good stuff in this very small and easy to read book.  You can listen more to the podcast or also go grab the book.