findingthefloor

Episode 106: figuring out effective win/win agreements

figuring out effective win/win agreements- Episode 106

“You cannot hold people responsible for results if you micromanage either them or their methods.” In this episode I go back to Habit 4, Win/Win, from 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey, and am trying to understand agreements better especially in regards to making them with my children. I break down the 5 parts of an effective win/win agreement. I also spend some time really looking into the “Green and Clean Story” from the book. How did Stephen Covey and his son make the agreement and how did it end up becoming effective? I also share 2 additional examples of win/win agreements with children. I share how I am doing with a few of my own agreements with my kids, what tweaks I need to make and things I really need to work on. So if you need a little bit of help making effective win/win agreements with you kids I hope this can help make sense of it a little bit more."

Show Notes: Hi Friends! I hope you enjoyed listening to this episode. Below are all the references.

Things I learned this week: This week it was so helpful for me to really break down and understand what an effective agreement looks like and then take a look at some agreements I have made with my kids recently and decide how they are working and maybe what I need to tweak to help them. I think the biggest thing I learned from all of this is that all my nagging and micromanaging has kept me being responsible which is the opposite of what I actually want. The quote that hit be hard was the following.

“The main lesson I took away from this experience with our son Stephen was: you cannot hold people responsible for results if you micromanage either them or their methods. When you are constantly nagging and telling people what to do and how to do it, you remain responsible for the results, not the other person. So what I suggest is that you let the agreement do the governing.” ( 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families p. 191)

My nagging has been keeping the responsibility of the job with me. That is why my kids don't seem to care. So this is one I am really going to work on.

Here are the list of the 5 elements of an effective agreement:

Desire results: What are the wins for you and for me?
Guidelines: Who will do what? Are there specific result of guidelines that need to be followed?
Resources: Who can help? What budget or resources are available?
Accountability: Are there timelines to be met? How will progress be measured?
Consequences: What will happen if we meet or do not meet the expectation? What are the natural consequences?

I also learned that there is a need to patient with the process and that it might take a bit for you to get used to giving your kids freedom in regards to either methods of timing of when they do the agreement. Then also to let the agreement stand for itself -- let it govern the consequences which then will help you (or most parents) to be less emotional about things when either side doesn't keep part of their agreement.

I definitely have some work to do but this deeper look into agreements has been really helpful.

Page updated

Google Sites

Report abuse