What I learn this week:  Another week of the Tao from the book, The Parent's Tao Te Ching - A new Interpretation - ancient advice for modern parents by William Martin.   I have really enjoyed learning and thinking a little more deeply and especially this topic of failure.  It really is the best teacher.  This weeks passages all speak to that idea, failure is good.  We learn so much from things going wrong than from things going right.  And maybe appreciate when things do go right as well.  

13.  Fear of Failure

Beware of teaching your children 

to climb the ladder of success.

Ladders lead down 

as well as up.

If you overly protect your children 

they will fear failure 

and avoid pain.  

But failure and pain 

are twin teachers 

of important lessons.

Unless your children fully experience both, 

how will they know 

they have nothing to fear?

++++

Your children do not learn from their success.  They learn from their failures. They must have complete permission to try and fail, and discover that they are still OK.

What has your child failed at recently?

How did they react?

How did that make you feel?

How can you each learn from this?

How can I learn from this.  That is when I remembered about Sara Blakely who founded Spanx.  She was asked by her dad how she failed each week and he would be disappointed when she did not have anything to say which to him meant that she hadn't tried.  I mention how hard it was as a diving coach to get people to be ok with flopping and smacking.  Trying new dives you defintely had to be ok to fail.  One of the divers I coached was not afraid to try to things and also not afriad to get hurt.  She was willing to try a lot of things which was great.  I just need to be reminded regularly of how it is good to fail.  That means you are doing something a bit beyond your capacity and trying something new. 

22.  Your Greatest Legacy  

If you want your children to succeed, 

show them how to fail.

If you want them to be happy, 

show them how to be sad. 

If you want them to be healthy, 

show them how to be sick.

If you want them to have much, 

show them how to enjoy little.

Parents who hide failure, deny loss, 

and berate themselves for weaknesses, 

have nothing to teach their children.

But parents who reveal themselves 

in all of their humanness, become heroes. 

For children look to these parents 

and learn to love themselves.

++++

Parenting need not be a burden, one more thing you have to do and don’t do well enough.

Instead consider your failures, your sorrows, your illnesses, and your difficulties as your primary teaching opportunities. (49)

I love this one too!  It is so freeing to think of your experiences as a person and as a parent, all of them good and bad, happy and sad all help to teach your children of the real humaness of life.  What a great way to think about life.  

43.   Doing Nothing

Doing nothing while your child fails 

requires great courage 

and is the way of wisdom.

Gentleness when your child misbehaves 

requires great self-control 

and is the way of power.  

Do not succumb to 

berating, 

scolding, 

interfering, 

interrupting, 

lecturing 

or controlling 

your child.  

Let you gentle presence 

teach all that is necessary.  

+++++

My father tried to each me responsibility by scrutinizing my every action to make sure it was done right.

I didn’t really learn responsibility until I discovered the consequences of doing it wrong.
Every mistake your child makes is another step forward to the long road to wholeness.  

Everytime you interfere, you both step backwards.

Doing nothing is really hard but also realizing that the mistakes is another step forward  to a long raod to wholeness.  That idea really helps.