What I learned this week:  After such a contentious political cycle as well as it has felt to contentious for so long, I really loved learning the difference between conflict and contention.  I loved really gaining a perspective that conflict is just part of life and we can learn to deal with it in a loving and respectful way.  And that we can even create something even more beautiful as we share our opinions and differences.  Contention is when we disagree with anger and hostility.  And also when we think that we are better or more right than someone else.  

Here are the quotes and references: 

First “Conflict is when there are “differences that matter to one or more parties,” said Emily de Schweinitz Taylor, a certified mediator, during BYU Education Week on Tuesday, Aug. 22. Contention happens when there is conflict plus hostility.” 

David Pulsipher: I think it's a beautiful expression of something we explore deeply throughout the book because I think as Latter-day Saints, we're often afraid of conflict. We think conflict is bad. And we read the Savior's admonition to the people in 3 Nephi 11 that, "Contention is not me, but is of the devil." And we substitute the word contention with the word conflict. And conflict and contention are not the same things.

If we think about the creation of this world, we realize that the process of creation is a process of division: dividing the light from the darkness, dividing the water from the land, creating multiple varieties of plants and animals, and male and female. And all of these differences and divisions that are a part of the creative process are then put in tension with one another. And it's the tension between them, the tension between day and night that creates sunsets and sunrises. The tension between water and land creates mountains and canyons and seascapes.

Some of the most beautiful parts of our world are created through conflict, if you will, through the conflict between water hitting against the rocks and the seashore. And so conflict creates beauty. Conflict, when we do it the right way, will take us through a process in which we are co-creators with God. So we shouldn't be afraid of conflict.

Contention, on the other hand, is engaging in those differences in a way in which we don't respect or love the other. So when it comes to human conflict, we can engage in all sorts of disagreements and differences, and out of those disagreements and differences create beautiful arrangements in our families, in our workplaces, amongst our friends in our communities.

But when we lose that sense of love and respect for the people who are different than us—whether that's political or cultural, or religious, or just different personalities—and engage in conflict with anger, with seeing other people as objects and not as people, then very quickly, that is what we call contention. And that is not of Christ. The Creator, who uses conflict to create, is not creating with that kind of spirit. So that spirit of contention is what we have to avoid. But we don't have to avoid conflict, in fact, we shouldn't avoid conflict. We should engage in our conflicts, engage in them with that love and openness to one another.

All In, J. David Pulsipher - All in Episode - author of  - Proclaim Peace

"I believe that our Heavenly Father (God, the Universe, Higher Power, whatever you are inclined to call it) designed this world and our earthly experience deliberately to include conflict. It is a major part of the plan. Essential even. I don’t believe that anything has gone wrong when we experience conflict. It is supposed to be a major part of our learning experience here on earth. 

I think that Heavenly Father knows that conflict can be an incredible learning tool that we would need to work with in order to become more like Him. Even in our homes and in our marriages. I believe that we can feel peace in conflict. We can oppose another person and still love them completely and feel totally aligned with that person and God. 

Contention is a different matter. If conflict is the inevitable difference of opinions between any humans (or even within our own brains), then contention arises when we choose to indulge in thinking that essentially boils down to some version of “I am right and he is wrong.”

Conflict is unavoidable but contention is a choice that we have 100% control over. "

Jessica Farmer coaching 

 “The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy.  Instead of diminishing evil, it multiplies it … Through violence you may murder the hater, but you do not murder hate.  In fact, violence merely increases hate.  So it goes.  Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars.  Darkness can not drive out darkness, only light can do that.  Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that.” Martin Luther King, Jr. From the book Proclaim Peace.