What I learned this week: This week I continue with selections from the book The Parent's Tao Te Ching - Ancient advice for modern parents by William Martin. This week I choose 3 chapters to think about.  I also explain a little bit about the book.   What the Tao means and how William Martin has done to translate the original book and have the original meaning but put in a parenting perspecting.  

The Tao Te Ching was written more than twenty-five years ago.  And it's attributed by the Chinese sage, Lao Tzu and is a book of practical advice for leaders and philosophers attempting to express glimpses of the inexpressible Tao or “The Way”  or “The Way of Life”  “The Way things naturally work”  Some westerners compare the Tao with the idea of God, but this he thinks can have all these other meaning.  I however can think of the Tao as the eternal God or Eternal ideas or truths.  I also love that Jesus Christ - also describes himself as The Way - In the new testament John 14:6 - Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.  Just before that, he is telling his disciples about preparing a place for them, that where he is and they may be there also.  Verse 4 “And whiter I go ye know, and the way ye know.  And then Thomas asks “Lord, we know not whither thou goest; and how can we know the way?”    

ALso in the book the way it is organized, there is William Martin translation of the idea of the thoughts of the Tao and then a quetion to ponder and a way to try to apply the said passage. 

This week I picked 3 chapters which are related.  Trying to relax as a parent, make room and be still. 

6.  Relax your grip 

The Tao is continually giving birth

to your children

and to you.  

You are not their source. 

The Tao is the Great Mother

and the Source of all that is.

Her resources are inexhaustible. 

If you empty yourself 

of your own expectations, 

you will see that you children

will never be

outside Her love. 

++

Your parental responsibilities seem overwhelming and beyond all reasonable expectations.  You must keep them in school, off drugs and out of trouble.

You must get them into college, through college and home one time. 

You will never have a moment’s peace for no matter how well you and they have done until now, something could always go wrong.  

Consider your current concerns. 

 If God has spaciousness enough to encompass any difficulty they may have, can you not relax your grip a bit? “ (25)

9. Can you make room 

If you fill every waking moment 

of your children’s lives 

they will have no room

to be themselves. 

If you push them constantly

they will break. 

If you burden them with an abundance

of material toys

their hearts will contract in possessiveness.  

If you always try to please them

you will be their prisoner,

not their parent.

Don’t strive or strain.

Do you work, then rest. 

Your children will learn serenity. 

++++

 “Are your children ‘problems to be solved or people to be loved? Consider current problems with your children.  Can you create a space free from your own anxieties in which they are able to find their own way, feeling your love, but not your expectations? (30)

I think it is really difficult to let go of expectations that we have for our children but I also think that as we do and share there love and help them find that love and direction in their life then we can relax a bit.  

11. The Still Point 

A wheel spins in a circle.

The still point at the center

gives it direction.  

Be still.  

And your children will see 

the way ahead. 

A pot has beautiful sides.  

The emptiness inside makes it useful.  

Empty yourself of agenda 

and you will be available 

for your children.

A good house has strong walls.  

The space within the walls 

makes it a home.  

Create space within your heart 

and your children 

will always rest secure. 

++++++

 “Suggesting, guiding, teaching and lecturing, although well intentioned, often created confusion rather than clarity.  Are you filling the air with good advice and helpful strategies when you should be still, empty, and spacious?  (33)

Letting go of the need to lecture and tell your children how it should be is also really difficult.  But I love this idea of space.  How do you make space within your heart for your children?  What does that look like?  Can I just listen and ask questions instead of thinking I know it all? 

Such good stuff.  This book really does help you to think!