Report #138 — entities

I felt like I was folding up into this cube and hurtling upwards. Eventually, I hit this point where I was a really small cube, and I seemed to break through some boundary. And as soon as I was through that boundary, it was... out of the darkness and into the light. Like being in the middle of a painting or a mosaic — but in the middle of it, everything three-dimensional; you are actually there, like you're in the bedroom. That world is as real as this world, but it's like something you've never seen before.

I was me, flying. Actually flying through the air as me, but flying like Superman (laughs). It was really mad, 'cause I broke through into this mosaic of colours... really, really amazing colours, all my favourite colours, really bright colours. I had a sense of smell as well. I could feel the wind going through my hair, I had all my sense of feeling, like I was actually there. It is so real. Quite amazing... At first, you're really scared when you do it, 'cause you really don't know what to expect, so I suppose you really have to control yourself, maybe calm yourself. Your brain stays really normal. It is really normal, it is like you, now.

Everything you see is totally different, you're just put somewhere else. It is so real, everything's three-dimensional. It's not like... when you're on acid, things wobble. But this was really different. After a while of getting used to flying, it was like, "Right! I'm gonna see where I can go! I'm gonna check out a few places." I was flying through this mosaic of colours, lots of cubes and things, passing around me, and through me as well —things would go through me. Eventually, I reached this massive mosaic archway; almost like what vines would grow over, an archway into a garden. I went through it, and it was an orchard. It was timeless when I was in there, I can't say how long I was there. I was just flying through this orchard, and I could smell all the fruit — there were apples and pears and plums, and they were really big, as big as me. Really bright, ready to be eaten. I wanted to eat them as well — I could smell them, and feel them, I wanted to eat them as well. It was really good fun, just flying amongst these trees. For ages, it seemed like.

And then... then suddenly, I got grabbed from that trip, from the orchard — it literally seemed like being grabbed, and picked up and just chucked into another dimension. I landed in this dimension, and I wasn't free, I wasn't able to control where I went — which really scared me. I was held down, bound down, and I had absolutely no control of where I was going to. In the distance I could see this grid-like structure, a three-dimensional grid, and it was really massive, like the size of a house or something. I was being pulled towards it. When I got so close to it, I became really scared, because there was nothing I could do — these things were holding me down. And although I was floating towards it, it was like I was on a conveyor belt. I started trying to struggle. I was really, really scared. I gradually started floating into the middle of this grid-like structure. It was grid-shaped, but it wasn't a continuous grid.

At the end of some of the grids were sort of spikes, almost arm-like things. I think it was bright fluorescent blue... really blue-or really pink — I can't remember now. I looked at what I'd written down... I'm sure it was blue, a fluorescent blue colour. I got into the middle of it, and I was still struggling — and by then, I was really, really scared. It looked like... it didn't look man-made, but it didn't look like anything I'd seen before. I stopped, and I really started freaking out, and then I felt something trying to calm me, nurture me — saying, "Don't worry, you're alright. Relax, it's alright..."

It was something in my head. When you do [DMT], you really become aware of every little particle inside your body... all my 'muscles' in my brain I could feel working, everything in my body I could feel, I was really conscious of my whole body, instead of just my body as a vehicle. I could feel all the 'muscles' in my brain working, so it was... telepathically talking. During the whole time of all my trip, I could hear another noise, which I was hearing through my ears. That was like... it was almost like... The noise happened in, I suppose, 30 second intervals, or something... It was keeping a pace going. That was like a banging noise, say like a drum banging; and then there was this grinding noise, like a grinding metal noise. Like a cog, I suppose, turning.

So I knew I was hearing through my ears, and I knew I was hearing sort of telepathically through my brain. This voice was saying, "Don't worry, I'm not gonna hurt you, I'm gonna help you, I'm gonna make you feel better... I am good for you." I don't know... it was just a really comforting person, entity. And it was from this grid-work structure. It was male, definitely, I know it was male. And it did have energy, as well, I know it had energy. Before, I looked at this grid-like structure from a distance, and I thought it was... not man-made, but could be man-made. But when I was inside it, it had energy like other people do. It was just really nurturing to me, so I suppose I relaxed, and was comforted by it, and trusted it. Then it carried on talking to me, saying, "I will heal you. You won't have any problems, forget everything that you're thinking at the moment, you shouldn't be thinking it. Just trust me and you'll be fine, this will be like nothing you've ever experienced before in your life." I relaxed into it and I found myself suspended in mid-air, in the middle of these points which were leading off this grid-work structure. Once I was relaxed enough, it sent out this ectoplasm... Well, I call it that 'cause that's what it's called in Ghostbusters! (laughs) It was this silky, creamy stuff which came out of its points, and it covered me totally, I was completely covered from head to toe.

It was just silky, creamy, but it totally covered me, it was like a gunge that covered me, really smooth, though. I was cocooned in it, I suppose. Then started... Cor, this is where it gets mad! (laughs) I was suspended there, totally nice, totally comforted... Nothing could hurt me, nothing could harm me, it felt like. And this entity that I was with was everything that I wanted, everything that I needed. There was nothing bad about it, it was like someone I'd known for years. It was my entity, it seemed like, it knew me, knew what I wanted, knew what I needed.

I think it just picked me up. I was in the middle of an orchard, just feeling fucking wicked, feeling totally free, feeling I could go anywhere, do anything, having real fun, really good fun flying around smelling fruit, in and out of the trees... It took me when I was having most fun, if you get what I mean. I don't know why that is... Maybe because you'd be least scared by it. But I didn't wish for it, didn't even know what to expect. It was really familiar, he was really familiar.

Anyway, I was suspended in the middle of him, and then he started saying, "This isn't going to hurt, just trust me. What's about to happen will probably quite scare you, but trust me, it won't hurt you, it won't hurt you." Then I felt my leg come away from my body — he ripped my leg away from my body. And then all this stuff ran out... I felt all my troubles, my aches and pains, my paranoias, come out of my leg, dripped out.

Then he put my leg back on. I was like, This is nice! Then he did it to my other leg, exactly the same thing happened. Then he did it to my arms, did it to my body, then pulled my head off my neck, it all came out, came out my head. When he put it back on, I just had the most amazing feeling I've ever had in my life. I just felt fucking excellent. Really, truly me; free of all paranoias, ego, anything, just me, my true self. And at this point, as soon as he put me back together, it was just like... Rrrraagghhh! I just jumped up in complete ecstasy, just like, Wow!

This is fucking amazing! I jumped up, yeah, and opened up my eyes — before I was lying down — opened up my eyes and jumped up, and sat myself up on the bed.

I jumped up and pushed myself forward and opened up my eyes, and I could feel all this ectoplasm stuff, which was like this sheet of velvet coming off my face, and I was pushing my way through it, and I pushed my way through it, and I was sat in the bedroom with my eyes open. But I was in fact in the middle of an orchard... It wasn't the bedroom that I recognized, I couldn't recognize any of the room, not at all. I looked around and I was sitting in the orchard again.

And then my friend spoke to me; it was like, "Amy! Amy! You're only half way through the trip, what're you doing?" (laughs) Then I heard where the voice was coming from, and looked at him, and worked out what was energy and what wasn't energy, and saw my friend. He looked like... loads of oranges and reds, like a cubist painting, really three-dimensional. I wouldn't have recognized him if he hadn't spoken, or maybe I would have felt it was him, but it wasn't until he spoke that I realized that it was him. He was like a cubist painting, and his eyes were like target ranges, red dots. I spoke to him and told him what I was seeing, what he looked like, where we were, in the orchard. And he went, "Just relax, shut your eyes. You're only halfway through the trip."

So I looked around the bedroom, and then shut my eyes, and I went back into the middle of this grid-work. This entity started talking to me, really soothing me, really comforting me... I don't know, it was really weird, he was almost like a lover or something... really, really weird... a really close encounter. And then I felt this mad feeling again, going up through my little toe, and it crawled all the way up my leg, and up through my body, and it felt like when it hit my heart, there was a massive explosion, and he was like, "You're well now, you don't have to worry about anything, you don't have to fear anything." And it was just... I've just never felt so amazing in my life. It felt like a complete cleansing process. And then we talked for a while, and then he let me off on my way, and I went back to the orchard, flew around there, and I gradually started to come down. I could feel myself dropping downwards, a sensation of dropping downwards. And I felt myself come into the bedroom and gradually come down into my body... and then you open up your eyes and there's cubes and colours and things going past you. And then you gradually come down.

I actually felt myself leave my body at a hundred miles per hour, hurtle out of myself, go into a small cube and then explode outside the... whatever. And then when I came back down I felt myself falling back down through... whatever... and then gradually into the room, gradually down to the bed.