Awesome-Rogue-Trader

~~~~~

Last night's Rogue Trader game: Insults from the 10th dimension.

The Warp is what they use for hyper space travel....

1. So we're flying toward a long lost planet full of alien technology, passing through a realm of space where physics break down and the normal hellish sea of the Warp has seeped away into higher dimensions, forcing us to pass through realspace shoals filled with asteroids that accelerate toward us, while constantly being bombarded by a stream of madness-inducing conversations from beings that exist outside of time.
2. Y'know, a typical Friday night.
3. The things we hear are really weird. For instance:
4. Tried to avenge my chronofather's death, accidentally avenged his birth instead.
5. The subjugation prompt to unavenge changed in the last kernel of the virtual operand monitor dianetics, for all's information. It's Control+Left Membrane+Ϡ. Apparently it didn't show up in the publicly released Dogcommand so some lifeforms are still confused and devouring their own young as result.
6. I will not consciously know the moment I finally achieve oneness with the Great Goddess of Mezakica because I will cease to exist.
7. You're just conflating the indexical and referential "I". The merger may destroy your vessel, but your thoughtmind will achieve total synergy and ascension.
8. My cross-dimensional astral tentacles are too large to fit through the hyperholes made by the plane-drill I currently use.
9. I bet you're still trying to harvest using a 3 point matrix too? Using physics on native entities? How quaint. I'd uplift you myself, but I don't want to interact with your geometry.
10. After consulting a few heretics we have on board, we postulate that just as the Warp is used to convey messages across vast distances of realspace, this 10th-dimensional fifth world is used to convey the atemporal messages of entities throughout a nonlinear timestream. These entities are essentially eternal and have experienced everything, but whenever something multiversially unique crops up, they seek help.
11. We notice that the faster the discussions are going in this fifth world stream are going, the more gravitational shearing we experience in realspace. I postulate that if we can get in touch with that reality, we can influence gravity in our vicinity and stop getting bombarded by space rocks.
12. My character finds in the ships librarium an old book on hyperdimensional mathematics, and I become convinced I can use the equations within to construct a device in our psyker-brain-fueled holodeck that will let me communicate with the 10th dimension. 26 insanity points later (i.e., my crazy went from Bobcat Goldthwaite to Charlie Sheen), I've developed a fixation on solving any math problem I see, but I've managed to make contact.
13. The GM, a sort of lunatic genius, explains that I experience this reality as a sort of streaming internet messageboard, full of the concerns and comments of beings for whose existence I have almost no reference point. I want to spend some time getting a sense of proper etiquette so I don't come across as an outsider, but by this point our ship has had to land on a comet, and the comet has changed course and is hurtling directly toward a rogue planet the size of mars.
14. We're in a bit of a rush, so I decide to jump in the deep end. I send:
15. My pets have gotten their starfleet stuck in a realm where physics manifest from a reality they've never experienced. I worry they will transform themselves into dust motes and spoil my slake wine. How best to communicate means of escape their primitive minds can understand?
16. And I get the response:
17. Why such chronolinear thinking? Just plant brood-eggs to hatch in the next iteration of their thought plane and unmake the realm before they arrive.
18. Another response is:
19. All these chronolinear posts are clogging the channel. Someone should invoke the Overbeing. My sarcophagus desires dissolute purity, and would rasterize the dawn apes if moderation here wasn't so damned wishy-washy.
20. The mere fact of me starting that thread causes a flux of gravity that crushes a few crew compartments -- we only lose three thousand men; nothing serious -- but I realize that what we need is to stop the chatter for a bit. I need to find a really active thread, so I track down a flame war:
21. Every time I try to overthrow the British monarchy in the sixteenth century, I fail. I'm now on my thirty-third alternate reality.
22. Sorry, I tried to send you a memo that we're going for the 17th century now.
23. ...
24. Have you postulated that they are fixed thread woven by the none other by the °¤ of Pentakx45 for the ages of the Seventh panuniversal empire glory?
25. Such pedestrian concepts of intratemporal chicanry don't belong in these conversations.
26. ...
27. Sixteenth century? Are you saying you haven't even tried to kill Hitler yet?
28. ...
29. This sounds more like a pentadimensional problem than a fifth world one. :/
30. ...
31. I'm from the 13th Reality and would personally like to thank you for you contributions to the sub-continental camera collisions corp.
32. ...
33. Lower beings of the Hells would encourage traditional paradoxism, wouldn't they? You need to cravat your skull and reassemble the orange slices within, but I doubt you'd be capable of it.
    1. I need to shut this down, so I send my best suggestion:
    2. "Um, why not just kill them?"
    3. Suddenly I am forcibly expelled from the 10th dimension construct within my holodeck, and we receive one last transmission.
    4. User is banned from this Fifth World Forum for violating our terms of use policy of no chronolinear content. You may not post again for 24 branching iterations of baryonic reality. Thread closed.
    5. Suddenly in realspace, gravity returns to normal. We maneuver free of the comet before it crashes into the planet,
    6. and we fly on to the rest of our adventure.
1. Comments: I just took 2d10 Insanity points.

1. Amazing. I want your GM to run a game for me.
2. Never knew that Arkham Asylum hosted a Rogue Trader game, so who's GMing this insanity? Sounds like a lot of fun ;-)
3. Took the red pill again, didn't you?
4. That's awseome topped with extra awesomesauce.
5. If you ever read my old 'modern fantasy' setting posts, the GM who runs this game was the player who decided Excalibur should be a light saber (the better to kill vampires with).
6. Oh, another highlight of the session was when our ship's confessor (you need someone to lead all the prayers so that when you're flying through hell nothing bad happens) realized he could use the holodeck for psychiatric treatment of the crew.
7. His method?
8. "Okay buddy, here's a power fist. The energy field around your knuckles is enough to shatter a ship's hull and melt through solid rock. Sound good? Alright, now I'm going to program the holodeck to psychically delve into your brain, read your mind-like thought stuff, and manifest a physical entity that represents your clinical depression.
9. "And then I want you to punch the hell out of it."
10. While my brain now hurts, that is pretty cool stuff.
    1. You do know that you are supposed to turn the Geller Field on when you go into warpspace, right?
    2. (device that limits demon incursion during warp travel)
11. "Control+Left Membrane+Ϡ" ? So the warp beings use emacs? Much is explained.

Last night was a little more low-key. It mostly consisted of us going into a hall of mirrors shooting range, where the walls were perfectly reflective on laser wavelengths. Our enemies had cloaking suits and guided missiles, so they could shoot around corners, while we had to bounce our shots across a dozen diagonal walls to hit them in the brief moments they were visible.

Combat was narrated by George Takei.

~~~~~