Four Signs You Are Currently in a Toxic Friendship

Do your friends make everything about them? Do you feel like there’s always drama?  Do they constantly put you down? These are all signs of a toxic friendship. 

If they are jealous that you have other friends that can be a sign of toxicity. That means that they expect you to drop everything to go hang out with them. An anonymous 7th grader said,”[My friend] wouldn't let me hang out with anyone else. And if I wanted to sit down with someone else, she would start crying saying she’d hurt herself if I left her.” This type of behavior can manipulate your feelings into feeling bad for them and not leaving the friendship. 

Whenever you try to talk about something happening in your life, they make it about them and their issues. Another Fitz student said, “Once I was trying to talk about how my grandpa passed and she started talking about how her cousin's dog died.” This shows that they use their own sadness to make you feel like your issues don’t matter. They might ask if they can vent without any regard for your issues. They might say, “How are you?” Then go right back to talking about themselves. “I felt like an unpaid therapist more than a friend,” said the anonymous student. A healthy relationship should include a healthy balance of listening and venting. 

They put you down all the time. Do you ever feel like you're the only one giving encouragement? Are you the butt of all their jokes? They get visibly upset when others encourage you. They rarely give compliments and expect a lot of praise from you. A friendship like this is draining. 

They don’t respect your boundaries. Are you constantly being hugged by them even when you’ve told them your boundaries? “She would always hug me, even when I told her it made me uncomfortable,” said a student. Not only is this toxic, it's harassment. Your friends should respect your boundaries. The moment they push your boundaries is the moment they’ve lost all respect for you. 

How to leave a toxic relationship/friendship. Leaving a toxic relationship can be messy. One thing you should do is address the issue. After addressing the issue, try to create boundaries. One way you can do this is by stating the issue and saying what boundaries you will set to resolve the issue. If you need someone to talk to, you can always talk to Mrs. Cook. Mrs. Cook said, “We have our ASPIRE program for students who feel they need weekly counseling. We also have Project Kinship on campus, which is overseen by Mr. Flores. He can help work with students who are having conflicts with other students or with students who feel like they need help mediating a situation before it becomes a conflict. Mr. Gomez, Mr. Magana, or any of your teachers can direct you to help. The important thing to remember is that you can  ask for help from any adult on campus.” Also, make sure to talk to your parents about this. Remember letting go of a toxic relationship is an act of self care.