Listening

Gordons' 12 Road blocks to Active Listening

1. Ordering, directing, or commanding

Direction is given with a voice of authority. The speaker may be in a position of power (e.g., parent, employer, counselor) or the words may simply be phrased and spoken in a way that communicates that the speaker is the expert.

2. Warning, cautioning, or threatening

These statements carry an overt or covert threat of negative consequences. For example, “If you don't stop drinking, you are going to die.”

3. Giving advice, making suggestions, or providing solutions prematurely or when unsolicited

The message recommends a course of action based on your knowledge and personal experience. These recommendations often begin with phrases like “What I would do is.”

4. Persuading with logic, arguing, or lecturing

The underlying assumption of these messages is that the client has not reasoned through the problem adequately and needs help to do so. Trying to persuade the client that your position is correct will most likely evoke a reaction and the client taking the opposite position.

5. Moralizing, preaching, or telling people what they should do

These statements contain such words as “should” or “ought,” which imply or directly convey negative judgment.

6. Judging, criticizing, disagreeing, or blaming

These messages imply that something is wrong with the client or with what the client has said. Even simple disagreement may be interpreted as critical.

7. Agreeing, approving, or praising

Praise or approval can be an obstacle if the message sanctions or implies agreement with whatever the client has said or if the praise is given too often or in general terms, like “great job.” This can lessen the impact on the person or simply disrupt the flow of the conversation.

8. Shaming, ridiculing, or labeling

These statements express disapproval and intent to correct a specific behavior or attitude. They can damage self-esteem and cause major disruptions in the counseling alliance.

9. Interpreting or analyzing

You may be tempted to impose your own interpretations on a client's statement and to find some hidden, analytical meaning. Interpretive statements might imply you know what the client's “real” problem is and puts you in a one-up position.

10. Reassuring, sympathizing, or consoling

Counselors often want to console the client. It is human nature to want to reassure someone who is in pain; however, sympathy is not the same as empathy. Such reassurance can interrupt the flow of communication and interfere with careful listening.

11. Questioning or probing

Do not mistake questioning for good listening. Although you may ask questions to learn more about the client, the underlying message is that you might find the right answer to all the client's problems if enough questions are asked. In fact, intensive questioning can disrupt communication, and sometimes the client feels as if he or she is being interrogated.

12. Withdrawing, distracting, humoring, or changing the subject

Although shifting the focus or using humor may be helpful at times, it can also be a distraction and disrupt the communication.