How to respond to inappropriate behavior

Words in capitals are to  be stressed. A few real life examples follow. 

Father said to his 19 year old daughter 

"You are a monster."

In this case, the father has been under chronic depression for many years. He is not working and sleeps most of the time. His wife is in a nursing home with 'Multiple sclerosis', a chronic autoimmune disease (MS). He is not connected with his wife her and his daughter who is living with him.  When he says to his daughter "You are a monster.", she can respond with one or more of the following statements. She can adapt them to suit her speaking style.  

1. "Dad, did you say I am a M-O-N-S-T-E-R?   I can't believe Y-O-U called me a monster! 

2. "Dad, you called me a Monster.  (Wait for a while.)  Then, say "I D-O-N-"T  T-H-I-N-K  so."

3. "Dad, you called me a Monster. Am I REALLY looking like one? I don't get it!""  

4. "Dad, you called me a Monster. T-h-a-t is FUNNY!"

5. "Dad, you called me a monster OUT OF THE BLUE! Are you OK?"

6. "Dad, you called me a monster. It looks like you are stressed out. HOW can I help you? " 

7. "Dad, you called me a monster.  That is an abuse. I don't like it."

8. "Dad, you called me a monster.  I feel sad when I think of it. I would appreciate if you don't make such comments about me in future" 

9.   "Dad, that's not nice"

10.  "It makes me feel terrible when you say that Dad!"

11.  "Dad! Why would you say that!"

'Vimala' comments on 'Kamala's' daughter

Vimala and Kamala met a couple of times but were not friends. Kamala had a daughter in her twenties. One day Vimala met Kamala in the presence of other women and said "Did your daughter lose weight? She was somewhat chubby when I saw her last time." It was obvious that Vimala wanted to make a derogatory comments on Kamala's daughter in the presence of others. What could Kamala say to Vimala to put her in her place without losing her cool?  Kamala can choose one or more of these options. She can adapt them to suit her regular speaking style.  

1. "It looks like you were not happy about my daughter's appearance before but feeling better now. That is good to know. "

2. "It looks like you want me and others here to know what you think about my daughter's appearance. Right? "

3. "Thanks for sharing your opinion about my daughter's appearance. "

4. "My policy is not to comment on other's children. "

5. Kamala can pretend not to have heard Vimala's comments. She can turn to other women and talk about something else.

6. "I hope my daughter's appearance was not a problem for you."

7. "Oh! Don't worry. She is fine. "

8. Say "Oh!" and change the topic.

9. "I heard you Vimala. "

10.  "Nice comment!"

11. "Thanks for your compliment. "

12. "It is so nice of you to show your concern for my daughter's appearance."

13.  "That's interesting!"

Vicky pesters Emily to go on a date with the brother of her boyfriend

Vicky said "My boyfriend's brother wants to go on a single date with you. Why don't you agree for that?"  

It is obvious that Vicky wants to please her boyfriend by arranging a date for her brother. Her brother is not doing a job and doesn't seem to have a plan for his life. Emily is highly focused on her college and job. Emily can use following options without being offensive, defensive or apologetic.  She can adapt these statement to suit her regular speaking style.  

1. I am not interested.

2. My heart is not in it. 

3. He is not the kind of person I want to go on a date.  

4. I am not inclined. 

5. I heard you. Thanks. 

6. I don't like being pushed. 

7. Thanks Vicky. I let this pass. 

If Vicky is being pushy Emily can say

1. It looks like you are very anxious to help your boyfriend's brother find a date. 

2. Vicky - I heard you. I would like to make my own decision about it.

If Vicky pesters, Emily can repeat her favorite response like a broken record till Vicky gives up.  

If you have some ideas on this topic, I would like to hear from you. 

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