Not my problem!
This simple approach quickly relieved the stress of many with whom I shared it. Let me illustrate the concept and its practice with a typical a dialogue I had with one of my clients 'Christine'. My name is ‘C S’ in the following dialogue.
Christine: My boss insults me in the office even in presence of the patients day after day. I get very angry and clench my jaws and grind my teeth. I suffer from chronic neck pain. I suffer from insomnia thinking about all this at night.
C S: Why does he behave like that? Do you think you deserve it?
Christine: No! I didn’t do anything to deserve such a treatment from him. He behaves like that with the other staff as well.
CS: Why does he disrespect his staff most of the time?
Christine: He is nuts! He is a pervert!
C S: Why don’t you quit his office and find another job?
Christine: It is not possible to find another job in this economy. I have to stick to this job.
C S: OK. You said it is in his nature to disrespect his staff. You are clear in your mind that you didn't do anything to trigger his abuse.
His behavior doesn't make sense to you. In other words, you are saying that “HE” HAS A PROBLEM, NOT YOU!
If “HE” has the problem, HE should be the one under stress, not you. When you don’t have any problem WHY ARE “YOU” UNDER STRESS? It doesn't make sense to me!
Whenever he speaks disrespectfully tell yourself "This guy has a big problem. He is nuts! That is why he is talking crazy. Nothing is wrong with me. I AM OK!”
Christine adopted the new thought process. She was not getting triggered and stressed. She was happy with the result.
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