Healthy Responses to Partner's Dis-Respect
Healthy Responses to Partner's Dis-Respect
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LOVE can exist only when there is RESPECT. There is even a website named 'LoveisRespect.org'
How long will you silently swallow the disrespect - one, five, ten, twenty years, or life-long?
The mental health of the children who witness repeated disrespectful behavior between parents is also affected. More...
You have no control over your partner’s behavior. But you can choose how you will respond. When you change your reaction, your partner's behavior is likely to change if they want to be in the relationship. Your self-confidence will increase. Let us use an analogy to visualize the template for a healthy response.
You are being offered an ugly pen
You are being offered an ugly pen
A spiritual teacher explained in this story: Imagine that a person you are in a relationship offers you a pen. You hate the very look of it. The pen can stress you when you ....
focus on the pen held in the giver’s hand,
extend your hand palm up and open the fingers,
watch the pen moving towards you,
feel the pen in your palm,
grasp the pen,
place the pen in your purse or pocket and
You let it sit there.
Imagine you went through all the above steps and the pen is in your hand. It creates resentment in you towards the giver. You blame yourself for not declining it.
Then the teacher offers alternative responses.
Avoid receiving the pen
Avoid receiving the pen
Say "I am not a fan of that color, but thank you for your offer. ”
If the giver backs off, that would be a great achievement.
But if the giver is pushy, you can try other ways -
Look away from the pen.
Don't move your hand.
The pen remains with the giver.
If you didn't do any of the above, the pen lands in your hand, Then the last option -
Privately dispose of the pen
Privately dispose of the pen
You unwillingly take the pen and walk away as soon as possible. Then at the earliest opportunity, drop the ugly pen in the nearest trash can with a smile on your lips for tricking the giver.
You no longer carry that ugly pen with you. You feel great.
Responding to partner's disrespect
Responding to partner's disrespect
Imagine your partner said "You are stupid." You can choose from a range of overt or covert responses like the following.
Overt responses
Overt responses
They will poke a hole in the bubble of 'entitlement' in which the partner is living. The partner is behaving in an immature manner. You don't have to be afraid, angry or hateful. You can choose a cool response.
Non-verbal response and walking away
Pretend you didn't hear and continue doing whatever you were doing.
Pretend you didn't hear and quietly leave that place.
Assertive 'I' message and walking away
Say “I don't like it”, get up, and leave.
Say "I heard what you said. I have to think about it.", and nonchalantly walk away.
Say "I heard you say I am stupid. I have a different opinion. We don't have to agree." and walk away.
Covert responses
Covert responses
These are easier and will build up your morale.
Send a text message as soon as possible: "Today I heard you say ‘You are stupid'. I didn't buy it. (or say I didn't like it). I would like you to speak respectfully in the future."
'Ceremonially' trash the dis-respectful comment privately: Write “You are stupid” on a piece of paper and adopt one of the following suggestions
Overwrite on it with a marker pen till the comment is unreadable
Tear the paper into the smallest possible pieces
Burn the paper
Bury the paper
Spit on it and drop it into flowing water (in a toilet or kitchen drain)
By such actions, you can erase the disrespectful comment from your mind and heart. When you privately trash a few such comments, you may be able to reject them on the spot.
People who tried some of the above responses were pleasantly surprised to see an improvement in their partner's long-standing disrespectful behavior.
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