October is Domestic Violence (DV) Awareness month - 2020
October is Domestic Violence (DV) Awareness month - 2020
"Dear friends
You may be aware of the recent murder-suicide in Selkrik in which the police reported 'a history of domestic violence'. Domestic violence has been happening in all sections of the community including the highly educated and well to do families which look normal to the outsiders. The abuser (he/she) acts double faced: putting up the show of a kind and helpful person holding steady jobs, serving the community in visible positions, donating to charities, performing religious ceremonies etc. but at home when no outsiders are watching, he/she may abuse the partner in one or more hurtful ways. The abuser's unpredictable abusive words and actions have a corrosive impact on the partner, eating away their sense of safety, self esteem and confidence in the very place (home) and the very person (partner) supposed to be trusted. An important strategy of the abuser to keep the victim in the grip, is to be periodically caring, positive and helpful. Without any intervention or support, the victims may, over time, become mentally and/or physically sick and in extreme cases may end their life.
Domestic abuse/violence is "A pattern of coercive and abusive tactics in different forms - verbal, emotional, psychological, economic, isolating from family and friends, threatening to harm, minimizing the hurt/injury caused, denying own role in a conflict and blaming the partner for everything, using the children to manipulate the partner, intimidation and physical/sexual abuse, to establish and maintain power and control or to dump their own stress on the partner." An abuser consciously chooses the abusive behavior, as evident from the fact that they don't abuse the neighbors, people at work or the cashiers at the stores. DV continues because it is culturally learned and socially condoned. The victim (partner) may rationalize and accept the abuse to meet the expectations and norms of the parents/relatives/society and may even feel 'privileged' to help the abuser vent out their 'so called stress' safely at home.
DV affects the mental and physical health of the victim. Symptoms could be: Sleep disturbances, unexplained Chronic pains, Obesity, Gastric disorders, Gynaec disorders, Anxiety and Depression. Boys and girls who witness DV are more likely to become abusers or victims when they grow up, than those who don't witness DV. The following helpful information is being shared to spread awareness about DV with the goal of protecting the safety and wellness of current and future families.
Hotlines
The following Free, Anonymous, 24/7 Hotlines have trained advocates who offer information and support to the affected persons or their well wishers. These websites have comprehensive and up-to-date information.
National Hotline for Domestic violence - Call or Chat
What to expect when you contact the hotline
Love is respect Free, Anonymous, 24/7 Hotline specially designed for young people from 13 to 26 years - Text, Call or Chat
Information
Finding safety and support - Booklet
How to identify Healthy, Unhealthy and Abusive behaviors - Brochure
We need to be aware of domestic Violence - Brochure
Through their eyes - DV and its impact on children - Booklet
Myths and realities about the abuser
Bystander intervention (Intervention by those present at the scene) From the police department of the University of Texas
DV has been affecting the health and happiness of some percentage of the families in the previous generations, our generation, our adult children's generation and by default, will harm some of the families of our grandchildren's generation, and so on. We can play a small role in curbing the social evil of DV by 'sharing authentic information with the family members and friends', dispelling the 'myths about DV' and 'educating the adolescent/young adult children' to become aware of 'red flags' which may show up at various stages of the relationship: dating, engagement, marriage, pregnancy and childbirth and more. If you are looking for more information, have questions or ideas about spreading awareness, I would like to help/collaborate. I have compiled extensive resources over several years (Ref: Note at the end). My daughter Padma Sripada MD #518-956-3432 is well informed about this social problem, has clinical experience in this area and willing to help.
Thank you so much for your time and sharing this valuable information with family and friends. Together we may be able to prevent some tragedies like the Selkrik case.
Note: I have a collection of 20+ books by well known authors in the area of DV, plus links to several online resources. A few sample titles are listed below.
1. 'Why does he do that - Inside the minds of angry and controlling men' by Lundy Bancroft
2. 'Behind closed doors - Violence in the American family' by Murray A. Straus, Richard J. Gelles and Suzanne Steinmetz
3. 'Abused Men- The Hidden Side of Domestic Violence' by Philip Cook
Many resources are listed on my daughter Padma Sripada's website - Relationships 101.
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