by Captain Sammitch
Noon
Westside Church of the Nazarene, 51st Street:
Rev. Frank Haynes was going over his notes for Sunday's sermon when he heard a knock at the door. "Come on in," he called.
The door opened and a well-dressed man who looked to be in his early twenties came in. "Can I help you?" Rev. Haynes asked.
The man shrugged. "I'm not sure, sir. I'm struggling with something."
"Would you like me to pray for you, young man?" Rev. Haynes motioned for the man to sit down.
Phil sat in a chair across the study from Frank. "I was hoping for a little theological insight, actually," he replied.
Frank smiled. "We'll see what I can do. Now, what's troubling you?"
Phil sighed. "Where do I begin?"
"Why not start with telling me who you are?" Frank asked.
"I'm hoping you've got some sort of confidentiality policy, Reverend," Phil said.
Frank nodded.
"In that case," Phil said, "I guess I should start by telling you... that I'm the Unidentified Man."
Frank got up and locked the door of his study. "I'm assuming you're telling me the truth," he said, "in which case, I'm listening."
"I guess I really don't need to tell you what I've done," Phil said. "But I'm kinda torn up about it."
Frank nodded.
"I'm not a killer!" Phil insisted. "I'm not some malevolent sociopath or embittered misfit or anything like that!"
"Nobody said you were," Frank said calmly.
"So don't try to psychoanalyze me or talk down to me," Phil replied. "I want honest answers, not negotiations or psychobabble. I didn't come looking for a pshrink. I came because I figure at this point, only God would be able to help me, and I doubt He'd be willing to after some of the stuff I've done."
Rev. Haynes leaned back in his chair. "I see." He thought a moment. "So why did you do it?"
Phil raised an eyebrow. "Huh?"
"Why did you do it?" Haynes repeated. "Why did you kill all those people?"
Phil sighed. "It wasn't supposed to go that far."
"It never is."
"I started out just trying to find those missing girls," Phil explained. "That was it. But then I realized I had the ability to do more than that."
"The FBI says you have advanced military and intelligence training," Haynes said. "Is that true?"
"That's just it!" Phil said. "I don't know! I can't remember anything! I'm..."
"You're an amnesiac," Haynes said.
"No!" Phil snapped. "Yes! No... I don't know! I can remember some things but not others! I..." He sank into his chair. "I can put a rifle bullet within a target the size of a human head from three hundred yards. I know how to enter and leave a building - any building - without anyone knowing I was ever there. I can blend into any crowd and escape detection even when I'm three feet away. But for all that," Phil lamented, "I still don't know who I am or why I'm here."
"Then your troubles go much deeper than anything you're dealing with now," Haynes said.
"I don't understand," Phil said.
"You should try and find some professional help," Haynes advised.
"I'll get complimentary therapy sessions in any Federal prison," Phil objected. "Finding out who I am won't get me out of this mess."
"Maybe not," Rev. Haynes admitted.
"I... I just can't come to terms with everything I've done," Phil pointed out. "I killed fourteen people!"
"Again," Haynes inquired, "why did you kill them? Wouldn't all your skills have allowed you to rescue all those kidnapped girls without having to hurt anyone?"
"That wasn't it," Phil insisted. "Hector Vargas had those two girls killed off. I could have done something about it. I was right there the night before, and I was afraid to do anything."
"Why?"
"Why? I had the place staked out, and I was ready to move in. But then Vargas' people showed up, and I didn't know how many there were. I didn't know if I could go in then and there, because I didn't want to risk getting caught or causing anything to happen to those girls." Phil looked down. "I blew it."
"You didn't go in," Haynes said, "because you wanted to keep the Colombians from killing the two girls. It turned out that they did anyway. There was nothing you could have done, except prompted them to kill the girls sooner. And probably forcing them to kill you as well."
Phil blinked. "What are you getting at?"
"You did the right thing," Haynes said, "but people died because of it. What was the point in killing Vargas, then?"
Phil tensed. "I wanted to make him pay."
"That's not your responsibility," Haynes insisted. "You think you've got everything figured out, what everyone should do, what the consequences should be if things don't go the way you expected them to. But you're only responsible for one person here. And that's you. If you're going to do something good, then do it. But don't take it upon yourself to punish people for what they've done."
Phil sighed.
"That's why you killed all the others, isn't it?" Haynes asked.
Phil nodded. "I thought maybe I could make up for failing by making them suffer the consequences of their actions." HE chuckled. "Wrong again, huh?"
Rev. Haynes nodded. "Wrong again."
"I guess I'm done, then," Phil said. "I've just gone too far."
"You can't go too far," Haynes said, "for God to be able to save you."
"Are you sure?" Phil asked.
"Would you be here if you didn't believe that?"
Phil shook his head.
"It says in the Bible that if we confess our sins, God, who is faithful and just, will forgive our sins," Haynes told Phil. "Do you believe that?"
"If you say it's true, and the Bible says it's true, then I suppose it's true," Phil conceded. "But what should I do?"
"If you need God's help," Haynes said, "it'll come on His terms, not yours. God's not a vending machine. You can't expect Him to do what you want just because you do something for Him. But if you really want God to change things, shouldn't you be willing to let God change you?"
"I suppose so," Phil said. "Should I turn myself into the authorities, then?"
"I'm only responsible for guiding your spiritual decisions," Rev. Haynes said. "Only you know what you should do next."
"If I run, then?"
"If you decide to run," Haynes said, "I trust you'll be resourceful enough to get clear of the men who are after you. And, more importantly, if you make it, it'll be because God is giving you a second chance. You would do well not to let it go to waste. So if you run, run far. But make the most of this second chance. It's apparent that you know what's right and what's wrong. In that case, you know what to do. And even if you never uncover your true identity, you will always know who you are." Haynes pointed to the door. "You've got more important things to do than talk to me."
"They'll be looking for me," Phil said.
Frank Haynes smiled. "I have a strict confidentiality policy regarding pastoral counseling. For all intents and purposes, you were never here." He pointed to the door. "Now get out of here."
Phil nodded. "Thank you, Rev. Haynes." He started for the door.
"Just remember," Haynes said, "this is your second chance. I suggest you earn it."