by the_indestructible_man, speedy_the_smackhead and underfahrenheit451
The Indestructible Man finished up the last touches on the new circuitry as the cars outside pulled up. In through the door ran a conglomerate of heroes: Nowhereman, Smasher, HourGirl, Dragnet Zero, Disco Stave, Natsuko, and Jenna.
Nowhereman: "Well, part one of the plan's done, but Flintlock and King Psionic are held hostage in D.C."
Indestructible Man: "All right, then it's time to rush part two. We need to break into the Capitol and take down the bad guys... and rescue our teammates."
Dragnet Zero: "You know how we get in there?"
Indestructible Man: "Yeah, I've got enough circuitry here to splice into ten communicators -- it'll allow us to access the entrance. And we've got only eight here... so let's hook them up."
Disco Stave: "Can we get there by air?"
Indestructible Man: "Negative. Assbury's got a radar system that makes Gun Runner's look like nothing. We'll need to go by car. I can fit four plus armaments in the Super-Dodge."
Nowhereman: "And the Nowheremobile can hold the rest. Let's get packing and on the road!"
So the MBL stocked up the vehicles with all the high-tech weaponry they could fit, plugged in the devices to their communicators, and hopped into the cars: Nowhereman, Dragnet Zero, Disco Stave, and HourGirl in one, and Indestructible Man, Smasher, Natsuko, and Jenna in the other.
Nowhereman: "Okay, any other warnings for the drive?"
Indestructible Man: "Yeah, watch out for the General Lee -- Assbury's men have it. We should try two different entry points to D.C., just in case. You swing around the south through Virginia, and I'll go in through Maryland."
Dragnet Zero: "All right... let's get going, guys!"
So the two cars drove off, as an injured figure staggered in.
The Jokey One: "Guys, where are you going, guys...?"
He looked around and wondered how to get to D.C., and grinned a big red grin as he saw the shiny red tractor sitting in the barn with a full tank.
The Jokey One laughed.
As the two cars drove toward D.C., the crew in the Pre-Crisis Super-Dodge was going along when they heard a noise.
Natsuko: "What's that?"
Indestructible Man: "Probably nothing."
Smasher: "I dunno, might be something."
Jenna: "JOKEY!"
The four turned their heads around and saw a maniacal Jokey One clone (or so they thought) riding after them full speed on a red tractor, waving and shouting.
Smasher: "RUN HIM OFF THE ROAD!"
The Indestructible Man pushed a button, one of the taillight plates slid over, and a small missile shot out, hitting the tractor. It exploded, sending the Jokey One flying forward, grabbing for dear life onto the roof of the Dodge.
Indestructible Man: "Swat him off, Smasher! He's gonna wreck the vinyl like a monkey at a Six Flag's safari!"
Smasher rolled down the window, stuck his upper body out and started punching the Jokey One vigorously in the face.
The Jokey One: "OWW! STOP, I'M THE REAL ONE!"
Smasher: "Really?"
The Jokey One: "Yeah! I'm here to help!"
Smasher: "Well, hold on tight, then. We've got another hundred miles to go!"
The Jokey One: "But... wait..."
Smasher, not listening, stuck his head back in the car, rolled up the window, and ignored the screams from above, as the car continued down the highway.
Meanwhile, fifty miles to the south, the Nowheremobile was going along, with great gas mileage, when the folks inside there heard a noise, too.
Dragnet Zero: "Uhh... That sounds like the Dukes of Hazzard theme song..."
Disco Stave: "It's the commandeered General Lee! Gun it!"
Hoping to outrace Colony, Nowhereman put the pedal to the floor and dipped back and forth through traffic, as Dragnet Zero listened to hear if the song was playing itself through.
Dragnet Zero: "Uhh... The song's changing..."
Nowhereman: "A-Team theme..."
HourGirl: "Uh-oh..."
Suddenly, Colony stuck his arm out the window and fired away with a submachine gun, hitting the Nowheremobile in the back grill.
Disco Steve: "Craaaaaaaaaaap..."
The car suddenly, and without meaning, flipped over on the side of the road as the music hit a crescendo. The General Lee pulled over behind it as the Nowheremobile occupants struggled to undo their seatbelts and get out of the overturned vehicle.
Colony: "Time to die, heroes..."
HourGirl squirmed out of the belt and through the open window as Colony noticed her and aimed with his gun. "No! Snap out of it!"
"Huh?" Coliny stopped and began to lower the gun as King Psionic appeared and bashed him over the head with a folding chair. Colony's eyes rolled back as he dropped over, unconscious.
King Psionic: "Hey, it's amazing what Flintlock keeps in his trunk!"
Flintlock, yelling from the backseat, said, "Hey! That's my good folding chair!"
HourGirl and King Psionic untied Flintlock and went over to the Nowheremobile as Nowhereman made it out.
Nowhereman: "All right, now who wants to help me flip the car back over?"
As the heroes began recovering from the overturned Nowheremobile, Smackhead flashed past in the Smackwagon, oblivious to the scene he had just passed.
But about a mile down the road, his senses dawned on him, and he threw the van into a massive doughnut-style turnaround, and began barreling down the road to help his stranded comrades.
The side door of the Smackwagon slid open, and out popped Smackhead. "The Poon-Mobile's in the shop, so I hadda borrow my dad's van... Get in!"
Hourgirl: "Who's driving?"
Smackhead: "I am!"
Hourgirl: "How can you be driving if you're leaning out the sliding door?"
Smackhead: "Well, there's a brick on the gas pedal, and I use a long reaching stick to control the steering, and the brake... it's very complicated."
Hourgirl: "Well, it's big enough for the team. Do you mind if we tag along?"
Smackhead: "Not at all, but strap in, this thing is highly modified, it's got twin nitrous boosters, and a thermonuclear exploding Krelvin device, laser!"
Hourgirl: "So, that would be this large laser-looking thing here in the middle?"
"No that's the microwave oven... The laser is over there..." Smackhead pointed to a tiny handgun-sized laser mounted to the dashboard.
Hourgirl: "What's that little thing gonna do?"
Smackhead: "Never ask me that again! ... Oh, you mean the laser!"
Hourgirl: "What were you talking about?"
Smackhead: "Um, uh... nothing! Never mind! Everybody in the Smackwagon!"
After flipping the Nowheremobile over, Nowhereman tried to turn the engine, but to no avail.
HourGirl: "Now what do we do?"
King Psionic muttered to himself, "Where is my van?"
Flintlock: "I saw this truck stop a couple of miles back. We could acquire one of those semi's and put the cars on the trailer."
Flintlock and Dragnet Zero left and returned in about half an hour with a big rig.
Nowhereman: "Let's get all our cars on there."
The cars were loaded on, and with a blow of the horn, the heroes were on their way.