by The Eurostar, I'm Not Mister Mxypltk and TheTimeTrust
Edulcore Cicciotto:
Dr. Quantos and I are leaving the bar, when Mick approaches us, his face white as chalk. "Are you leaving, Ed?" he asks.
"Well, yes. We are going to Paris with my UFO," I say, deadly serious.
Mick widens his eyes, but then whispers something about vampires, changelings, harbingers of death, and finally, louder, asks, "Can I come with you?"
"Obviously you can, Mick. And bring Shirley, too!"
"Cool! She's always talking about how romantic Paris is."
I see Danny enjoying his time with the skull-faced one, and with an even stranger man. Well, if he is having fun, no need to ask him if he wants to come. Plus, I think in the UFO there is sufficient room for only five people.
Mick goes to Shirley's table, they talk, then they both hug a huge bear (why I am not surprised?) and join us, smiling.
In a few minutes we are on the beach, where Chance is waiting for us. "Ed, I don't see any trace of your supposed UFO," the Swedish man says suspiciously.
"Oh, the UFO is inside the volcano. I thought that was the safer place to hide it. But now I call it."
UFO! Come here.
An instant has passed, and the saucer lands without any noise in front of us, while all my friends wonders at the incredible machine.
Chance and Quantos stroke tenderly the surface, observing the glowing spots that run over the curved metallic shape. I touch it, and the flank opens.
"Welcome in my humble UFO," I say, jokingly.
"But there are no seats," notices Shirley.
"Yeah, but you don't feel acceleration here, so you can simply stand," I explain. "Or simply sit on the floor, Shirley."
"But how do you fly this?" asks Quantos.
"Ah, it's apparently easy. I only need to think it. The bad part is that you have to keep thinking that. You get distracted, and the UFO falls!"
"Gulp," says Mick, looking worried.
"Don't be afraid. It's not so difficult, in truth. Look!"
UFO, take flight! OK. UP. UP. UP. UP. UP. UP. Okay. Route northeast. Very fast. Go GO GO GO.
"Hey, we're moving!" exclaims Chance, looking outside the three-hundred-and-sixty-degree window.
"Cool! It feels like we haven't moved!" says Mick.
GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO.
"But why do you have this sort of bond with this saucer, Euro?" asks Chance, still looking everywhere, trying to understand as much as possible of the UFO.
GO GO GO!
"Well..."
GO GO GO!
"...somehow my father..."
GO GO GO GO!
"...pointed me to this..."
GO GO GO GO GO!
"...just before dying in Area 51..."
GO GO GO GO! UP UP UP UP UP UP UP!
"...but I am not..."
GO GO GO GO GO!
"...sure that this bond is..."
GO GO GO GO GO!
"...exclusive!"
"You mean that maybe others can fly this thing?" asks Quantos.
GO GO GO GO GO!
"Actually, yes."
GO GO GO GO GO!
"I wanted to ask all of you if..."
GO GO GO GO GO!
"...you want to try to fly this."
GO GO GO GO GO!
Everybody looks at me, surprised.
"Just keep concentrated..."
GO GO GO GO!
"Who wants to be the first?"
"Y'know, Shir..." Mick Harrison said as he and his fiancee watched and enjoyed the view while Edulcore Cicciotto tried to convince Chance or Dr. Henry Quantos to give the UFO a try, "...Grimm might not be so bad after all."
"Really?" Shirley Francis replied.
"Yeah, we talked for a bit, and he's more normal than he looks. And most importantly, he likes the Doors."
"Well, that's a relief. You never know with all these new guys," Shirley said. "How about that Kristofer guy? What do you make of him?"
"Doesn't seem like a Doors fan to me..."
"He seems nice to me. I mean, nicer than the other new guys."
"Why don't we go talk to him and find out?" Mick suggested, taking Shirley by the hand to Chance, Quantos, and Edulcore's direction, that is, only a few inches away, since the UFO was not very big.
"I think it would be better if you remained in control of the UFO, Edulcore," Chance said to Ed for the fifth time.
"Come on, it's not that hard. You just have to concentrate and let your mind control it," Ed replied.
"Well, actually, I wouldn't mind," Dr. Quantos began to say.
"Give it a try, Chance," Euro insisted.
"I'm sorry, I just don't feel like flying any UFOs tonight," Chance answered.
"I said I wouldn't mind giving it..." Quantos tried to say.
"Just for a second, Kristofer!"
"Sorry, Ed!"
"Well, if you guys don't mind, I'll help myself to it..." Quantos said, as he closed his eyes and began to concentrate.
At that moment, Chance noticed Mick and Shirley were approaching him. "You know what, Edulcore? I think I'll give it a try after all," Chance said, making the craft move immediately from the spot where it had stopped.
"I guess we'll have to wait until he's done," Mick said.
"I guess I'll have to do the same thing," Quantos muttered.
"That's too bad. I was kind of looking forward to chatting with him," Shirley innocently stated.
"Ehy, slow down, Kris!" Ed said, as the UFO started suddenly going faster.
On a lonely country road between a cow-grazing field on one side and a corn-field on the other, somewhere in Kansas, a middle-aged couple drove down the road in an old restored 1960s-model Scout truck.
"Paw, I never thought we'd get to our age without havin' any children. I tell you, I dreamed as a girl of bouncin' my grandkids on my lap by the time I was fifty. But that was ten years ago."
"Maw, darlin', I'm sorry, but the doc told us a long time ago that I was only shootin' blanks. Heck, the only way we'd ever get ourselves a child or two is if it dropped outta the sky!"
wwwwweeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeee
"WHUT IN TARNATION?!" the old couple said at the same moment that Paw slammed on the brakes.
Their eyes went wide as saucers as they stepped out of the truck and stumbled slowly onto the field, watching what looked like a flying saucer hovering about five feet over the cornfield.
"Wh-what is it, Paw?" said Maw.
"Why, it appears to be an airplane... without wings! It's no airplane, though, Maw! That's a flyin' saucer!"
"Mebbe... mebbe they heard us and are here to give us a baby!" suggested Maw.
"Whut the Sam Hill are you goin' on about now, Maw?"
"HELLOOOOO! Hello in there!" Maw started screaming as she walked up to the flying saucer and started banging on it with her fists. "I want muh baby!"
"MAW! Have you gone crazy? There's radiation on that there UFO!"
"Oh, puh-shaw! They's just here to impregnate me with their alien seed. I read all about it in the Enquirer."
"Wait a second, Maw -- see them lights on it? Looks like it's alightin' ta leave agin. You'd best get away from it!"
"What? But my -- my baby's in there! Ain't they gonna give me a baby or impregnate me or somethin'?! MISTAH ALIEN! TAKE ME AWAY IN YER FLYIN' SAUCER! PLEASE!"
"Yer makin' a fool o' yerself, Maw!"
At that, the flying saucer began spinning and flashed brightly as it rose directly up into the sky, faster than any rocket.
Maw stepped back, her face covered in a sootlike substance. She started crying. "Paw! Paw -- I can feel it! I can feel it inside o' me! I think they's impregnated me with a baby!"
"Crazy old woman," Paw muttered to himself, mentally substituting the word woman with a different word.
He looked down and was surprised to find himself standing at the edge of a crop circle there in his cornfield. Martha was still weeping, on her knees and shouting, "Thank you! Thank you!"
"Well, I'll be..." said Paw.