by M&CNICFYYY2K
"Dude, we got owned." I feel stupid two seconds after saying that. Two seconds? I'm not as fast as I used to be.
We're back in our stupid apartment, and I'm still wearing my stupid metahero costume. It's just the generic blue and white uniform the Big Boys gave us, only this one has a hoodie. I used to think it looked cool. Now I can't wait to take it off... except I'm naked under it, and I don't want Alfhild to doubt her homosexuality at the sight of my willie.
"I was like a fucking amateur!" I exclaim, sitting next to her as she does maintenance on her flamethrower. "I got my ass handed to me before I could even call 'em 'evildoers.' Now I'll probably never get to say it. I'm a fucking failure, man. I'm a... I'm just... hey, you can stop me anytime, you know?"
She's cold as ever. "You're still alive."
"Yeah, I'm not dead, but I'm a loser, which is, like, five times worse. I'm such a lamer. What kind of stupid fucking codename is 'Snap,' anyway? All one-syllable codenames are lame, that's a fucking RULE. No offense."
"None taken." She just sits there, cleaning her bazooka (whatevs) while I open my soul to her. How I hate her. Well, not really. But you know what I mean.
"You could be a little more sympathetic, you know," I tell her, but she doesn't show the slightest sign of having heard me. If her static expression has changed in the least, it's been on a molecular level. "You were there too! You also saw how easily they kicked our asses! Hell, you probably saw it better then me, since you weren't laying semiconscious on the pavement for most of the fight."
No reply. Only the almost imperceptible sound of the piece of cloth polishing the metal.
"Don't you care? I'm your partner. Your life is probably gonna depend on me one of th--"
"Will," she interrupts, "I got owned too."
"Wha...?"
She sighs. "I mean... I got owned too."
"No, I mean... Wha--? You don't hate me because of what happened back there?"
"I got knocked out too. It only happened to you first because you're faster than me. If you hadn't awakened and taken me here, I'd probably still be laying there, being molested by a hobo."
As soon as I'm able to shake off the mental image, I realize... Whoa, she's bringing herself down to make me feel better! That's so... human of her.
"So... what do we do now?" I ask.
"Easy," she says, back to her emotionless tone of voice, "we track them down and we own 'em back."