by the_indestructible_man, snake_headed_son, speedy_the_smackhead and mistermxypltk
In the shadow of the Pantheon beside the Capitol, under the black shade of the MSO statuary, the Pre-Crisis Super-Dodge pulled to a quiet halt out of view. As it idled to a stop, the four heroes inside stepped out and helped down a good Jokey One clone from the roof, his knuckles and face even whiter than normal with fear.
Indestructible Man whispered, "All right, once the others get here, we'll break up into three groups. We'll need to go in two parties through the two elevators to Assbury's sanctum to make sure someone gets through, and a third will need to check the brig, just to make certain no remaining heroes are trapped there."
Smasher: "Sounds good, just as long as we all stay--"
Suddenly, a horn blared as a truck piled with cars, including the General Lee, Nowheremobile, Smackwagon, and King Psionic's van drove up at full speed and crashed through an eighty-foot-tall statue of Assbury.
"--quiet..." continued Smasher, "...aw, shit!"
As the multitudinous heroes in the truck poured out of the two-person cab like so many clowns, a wave of gun-toting cronies burst out of the Capitol and opened fire.
Indestructible Man: "Get to cover!"
Nowhereman: "SCRAMBLE!"
Eurostar: "Theory 9, wake up. They have arrived!"
Theory 9: "We leap into action, don't we?"
Eurostar: "No, wait. Now they are fighting mere drones. You should attack Hate Assbury when he comes out!"
Theory9: "And you?"
Eurostar: "I have to protect you from the MBL!" Snake-Headed Son gurgled as if agreeing.
Eurostar and Theory 9 closely watched the match between the MBL and the evil drones.
Smackhead tried the door to Hate Assbury's fortress, but it was to no avail. He looked over at a small button on the wall that read Press here for teleportation to Hate Assbury's inner sanctum.
He decided it was worth a try, and so he pressed it and was instantly dematerialized and disappeared, as did the aforementioned button.
Nowhereman: "Damn! Smackhead, where'd ya go?"
Hourgirl: "He dematerialized when he hit that button... Where is that button?"
Inside, Smackhead found himself trapped in a chair in Hate Assbury's inner sanctum. He could see his utility belt draped over a table, just out of reach.
Smackhead: "Damn. I can't reach my belt... but at least I've infiltrated Hate Assbury's inner sanctum."
Hate Assbury: "So you have, pathetic lackey... as was my master plan all along. Soon my retcon bomb will detonate, taking half the east coast with it! Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha! And there's nothing the MBL can do about it. While they squabble and bicker amongst themselves outside, my master plan is unveiling before your very eyes!"
Smackhead: "So, why are you revealing crucial elements of your plan to me?"
Hate Assbury: "Because I'm the villain."
Smackhead: "Oh."
Hate Assbury: "Anyway, my fortress is reinforced with six-foot-thick bronze walls. It is virtually impenetrable."
He looked to Smackhead's belt and gave it a pat. "You want this, don't you? Yes, take your weapon, strike me down with all your anger, and your journey toward the dark side will be complete!"
Smackhead: "Uh... Wrong storyline."
Hate Assbury: "Oh... well... anyway, you get the point!"
Smackhead: "This is gonna be a long day, isn't it?"
Hate Assbury: "Yes, but I'll have my butler come by in a few minutes to see how you're doing; that and to gang-probe you... and administer strange new drugs, not yet approved by the FDA."
Smackhead: "Sounds like a plan!"
Hate Assbury: "Oh, you're the one they call Smackhead? Well, I have ways of dealing with ALL the MBL!"
Smackhead: "Now, don't be holding out on me. You promised me drugs, remember?"
Hate Assbury growled, "Yes, yes... all in good time."
Smackhead: "Well, you obviously don't know me that well. I got more friends than you've got ass-hairs, and they'll kick your ass from here to KINGDOM COME."
Hate Assbury: "I do know, but there's nothing you can do about it from here!"
Smackhead: "All I gotta do is reach my communications array in my utility belt, and in one dramatic special effect, they'll be here!"
Hate Assbury: "Well, you're forgetting one thing..."
Smackhead: "The retcon bomb?"
Hate Assbury: "Yes, that, and I must address the rest of that ridiculous ramshackle of a team you call the MBL!"
Smackhead: "Yeah, but that bomb's huge! You can't carry it outside!"
"Too true! Which is why I'll detonate the bomb indoors. For your pathetic team, I have this!" Hate Assbury said, holding up a pistol-sized weapon, clearly marked Retcon Ray, then pointing it at Smackhead's utility belt. He pulled the trigger, and Smackhead's utility belt disappeared along with the table it was draped across, along with a five-square-foot section of the floor.
Smackhead: "You fiend! You'll never get away with this. You may defeat the MBL, but the LLB will kick your ass! And you're forgetting one thing: the MBL can't be stopped, they're like all the other metahero teams in history rolled into one! They're scrappy, tough as nails, and they don't take nothin' from no two-bit metavillain!"
Hate Assbury: "Yes, but when the bomb detonates, you'll be the first to be retconned!"
Smackhead gulped.
Hate Assbury: "Now to address the MBL!"
Elsewhere, M'xy was observing the scene from afar.
M'xy: "MBLI computer! Tell me everything about Hate Assbury!"
MBLI-PC: "Searching... searching... searching... Results: Go fuck yourself, M'xy!"
M'xy: "Sssssssssshit... Can someone help me? Who's Hate?"