by Shock Headed Peter
A young man in a nondescript, brightly lit laboratory toyed with a few proteins, moving them back and forth and watching them with a very powerful microscope. A shush behind him indicated the door had opened.
Mr. Garret: "Johnson, you're off the fast-growing beans project."
Johnson: "But I was just..."
"You're reassigned. Dispose of all your research. As of this second, you're assigned to analyzing this." Garret threw a heavy metal object onto the table, like a spiky paperweight.
Johnson: "Hmm... Where did you find it? What's it made of? Why has it got 'not to be opened until Jan. 7th' written on it?"
Garret consulted a clipboard. "Let me see... your problem, your problem, and... your problem."
Johnson: "With respect, sir..."
"I retire in two days. I don't give two fucks of a monkey's pet duck what it is. I'm giving you the assignment because I hate you, and the boss is too busy to notice. See ya." Garret left the room.
Johnson prodded the mysterious object with a pencil. "Could this day get any worse?"
Mysterious object: "LeT mE oUt..."
Johnson: "Great. And you are?"
Mysterious object: "DoDeCaHeAtHeN."
"Of course... Dodecaheathen, because any other name would be stupid. Well, I've got nothing to lose except my life, and hell, I wasn't really using that anyway." Johnson smashed the object on the corner of the table. There was a blinding flash.
Johnson: "WeLl, ToDaY's NoT lOoKiNg So BaD aFtEr AlL... TiMe To MaKe SoMe ChAnGeS..."