by HERO!, Happy Noodle Boy, Gooz, Nuriko, britneyspearsatemyshorts, Digigrrl, Fahrenheit 451, JTFree, luvaduck, Shock Headed Peter and Smasher
The metahero known as Hero, who had stopped by to visit the MBL Headquarters, said, "Hey, Rhymer... or Hardy New-Born... you must not retire the name Rhyme Guardian. What does that say to Mysterymen Board Society fans everywhere? ... all fifteen of us?"
Hardy New-Born looked at him and, instead of answering the request, asked, "Hero, would you like to join the MBL?
"I'm extending an invite to a friend of mine;
If you have objections, you don't have much time."
"A member of the MBL?" said Hero, his eyes wide. "ME?! I don't know what to say... um... Okay, since you asked so nicely. Do I have to take off my clothes for initiation?"
Hardy New-Born turned to his team, still in the room, and said, "Fellow Leaguers, do we have any objections to Hero joining? I can vouch for him." No one said anything. "Any?" Still everyone was silent. He turned to Hero, smiled, and said, "Looks like you're in.
"Hero has joined our esteemed team,
You should see his pleased eyes gleam!"
Hero grinned. "Oh, RAPTURE!"
Hardy New-Born continued, "Now you have to tell everyone about your origin, powers, and your arch-nemesis.
"Tell us about that hero stuff,
Or you'll never be enough."
The MBL members and Hero were still talking in the meeting room of the temporary headquarters, which they had occupied for so long now that it was hard to think of it as being temporary. All heads turned as Gooz walked in wearing civilian clothes, accompanied by Ritchie.
Cadet said, "Hey, what's with the normal slacks? Run out of metahero suits or something?"
Gooz replied, "No. After all the recent events, I have decided to leave the MBL for a little bit... spend more time with Ritchie and get my life back in order."
Hardy New-Born walked up to his teammate. "Gooz..." he began, then paused for a moment before continuing, "...are you sure about this?"
Gooz nodded. "Yeah. If you guys ever need me, just use the signal device."
Zed said, "Hey, man, enjoy yourself. You deserve the rest!"
Gooz waved goodbye and left through the doors of the temporary meeting room.
Everyone shouted, "Goodbye, Gooz!"
The MBL, having just said goodbye to Gooz, gathered around the team's meeting table.
Hardy New-Born said, "Well, it looks like we're going on a membership drive."
Sometime later, the new applicants arrived at the MBL's temporary headquarters, where the team had set up a panel in the gym to judge the new applicants.
An Asian woman walked up. "My name is Natsuko. Can I join? I like joining things."
"Natsuko, of course you can join," said Hardy New-Born. "All you have to do is tell us about your origin, metapowers, and your arch-nemesis.
"With us Natsuko will now fly,
To go around beating up bad guys."
"Oh boy," Natsuko said, pleased. "When do I have to have it in by? Like I've always said, I'm no good at tests."
A short while later, the Brit City Samson, a blonde man wearing a wrestling-inspired outfit, addressed the membership panel through a videoconferencing screen.
"Hey, I don't have time to be a full-time member due to the rash of small-time crimes here in Brit City. Do you have a reserve roster?"
The Caped Cadet muttered, "Uh..."
Hero returned and told the team, "I was bitten by a radioactive prostitute at something roughly equivalent to the New Year's celebration in Times Square, at the end of the last millennium. That's December 31, 999, to January 1, 1000, for the math-intolerant. It appears I am now immortal and will never appear older than seventeen. I also have this allure to women that causes them to fall head over heels with me, just through eye contact. I know your deepest secrets just by gazing into your soul via your eyes. It's a mild form of telepathy and empathy.
"Oh, and the bite made me buffed, handsome, well-en... uh, never mind... and modest, too! Oh, by the way... do we have any female members?"
The Lioness, entering the room after taking a bathroom break, quickly turned around to avoid being seen.
"No?" asked Hero, waiting for a response that never came. He continued, "So, if it's okay with everyone, that's my origin and powers. Even if you don't like it, that's my origin and powers, but I'll fake others. Oh, and when do I get to take my clothes off for initiation?"
"We've already told you, that's not necessary," said Rhyme Guardian. Hero looked disappointed.
Digigrrl arrived and said, "I came from a collision between the ice comet Sanzyax 4 and the baby planet of the Mentarries system, Gatupyf-Rbrath. The frequencies that collided caused a speed-up in the fusion of elements, and my structure is about four times stronger than gold, but still stable. While my body was forming, I watched galaxies be born, live, and die, and my powers accordingly come from an understanding of the atomic macrostructure of the universes.
"Whilst on Earth, I have been studying the correlation between human interaction and frequency level changes as produced by the sun. I can transmute to any frequency that I have the knowledge of, including digital data, sound, light, equations...
"How am I doing? I would like to join the MBL. My arch-nemesis is the Grogman. He is so incredibly silly that I cannot work out his order, pattern, whatever. Totally reliably inconsistent, except when I expect it, he stumbles through an ocean and manages to trip over the plug, causing all the water in the world to evaporate and start evolution all over again. Okay, sometimes he can be a lot of help, but you can never count on it, and mostly he just randomizes."
"Right..." said Zed, listening incredulously.
A metahero named Flintlock arrived and said, "I want to join also. My origin and full powers have not been fully realized yet. What is known is that I am a man stuck in the 1980s. I constantly talk about how great Ronald Reagan was and how evil the Soviet Union was. I also refer to my car as the General Lee. My arch-nemesis is Change. Change wants everything different than the way it was. I must fight him to return everything to the status quo."
"Interesting," said Agent F7.
Natsuko told the team, "I come from a land far away, from a time before history began. All my life I have dedicated myself to protecting the Lady of Light, who is reincarnated once every hundred years in a human body. Over the centuries, I have learned virtually every type of martial art. I also made a study of archery, although that was mainly to flirt with the handsome instructor. He did say I had natural talent, though.
"What else? I love to shop, especially for clothes, and I meditate a lot. Of course, one might argue that shopping is meditation, at least for me. My nemesis is the Shadow Lord, who seeks to destroy the Lady of Light, whom I am still trying to find this century. So now what do I do? Oh, weaknesses. I am vulnerable to fire, any weapon of steel, and magic."
Natsuko quickly bowed and turned to leave, then turned back, remembering something.
"Everyone please remember to keep an eye out for a young girl -- she's usually young -- with a star-shaped mark on her body. It should be somewhere clearly visible. Somewhere out there, my Lady awaits!"
J.T. Free, arriving, said, "I wish to know more of this Meta Board League. Here are my enquiries: What are the names, powers, histories, et cetera, of the members of this League? What villains have the League faced, and how fared these epic battles? What qualifies one as a member?"
Rhyme Guardian said, "J.T. Free, the names of all members are featured in the roster, which shows who is present and who isn't. Speak with them personally for powers and histories; I'm not repeating them all here.
"The worst villains we have faced are the Hypertime Entity, a being made of pure hypertime energy; Viper, an alternate-dimension version of Zed who is hellbent on destroying the League; we fought alternate versions of ourselves brought through hypertime by Zed; Shock-Headed Peter is an intelligent foe who gathers together villains to accomplish his plans. Recently, we fought the latest incarnation of the Infamous Bedlam Gang, consisting of the Hypertime Entity, Viper, S.H.P., and a few others that I may explain later. We also fought the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, led by Warlord, and the Arch-Moderator, a being from across the galaxy. And, of course, we won every time.
"As part of your qualifications to become a member, you must tell us about your powers, origin, and your arch-nemesis.
"If you'd like to join come on in,
Fighting villains is no sin."
Another applicant named Lava Dust arrived and said, "I have the power to pick up a flower," then waved one arm, causing the ground below to erupt gently upward as soil, a flower sprouting at the end of it.
The Lioness simply smiled.
Hero continued, "I want new wallpaper in my MBL room. As a new member, I think I should be entitled to it. And when the cook makes dinner, could I have some with no onions? That's my major weakness -- onions. I like how I said that here, so all of our enemies can hear about it and know."
After a long, grueling session of vetting the membership applicants, Hardy New-Born sighed and said, "Well, let's continue the membership drive. We have to..."
KAZOOOMMM!
Johnny Monolith's head burst through the wall of the base, followed ten seconds later by his body.
Shocked, Hardy New-Born shouted, "Holy fuck!"
Monolith groaned, "Ack... it burns..."
Lioness said, "He can still talk?!"
Monolith said, "Twenty more seconds..."
New-Born asked, "What? What happened?"
Monolith said, "It's like nothing... you've ever seen. Time travel... an idea that's an infection... Armageddon everywhere, everywhen..."
The MBL leader looked confused. "What?"
He said one word: "Incursion..." Then Johnny Monolith died.
"Holy flying heads, HNB!" yelled Caped Cadet.
There was fire in Hardy New-Born's eyes. "SOMEONE IS GOING TO PAY! He was trying to warn us... something big is happening."
"We're all ready to help!" said Agent F7.
"Agent, since Gooz is taking a leave of absence, you are the second-in-command! You take Zed, Lioness, and Cadet and head to the old headquarters of the IBG and the Warlord! I'm not sure what we're looking for, but those have always been high-activity spots!
"Natsuko and Digigrrl, come with me. This just might be the right time to prove yourselves! Smasher, you stay here with Hero and keep the recruitment drive going. And start to train newcomers Lava Dust and Flintlock. Beer-Drinking Lad, you just... sit there and... well, drink! Everyone else, start to check all local news stations and the Internet for useful information!"
"Whoa, that was more than a mouthful," muttered Smasher.