Donnie John

Donnie John is a mutant orange squirrel that was born in the city of Newer York City on Planet Lard 52 years before Book 1. As a child, he was brought up in one of Planet Lard's richest families. His father was an anthropomorphic supremacist (human hater) who was rumored to have some connections with the anthropomorphic supremacist group the Kool Kidz Klub. When his father died, Donnie John inherited his colossal real estate business, worth an estimated 3.5 billion galactic credits. His father's tendencies rubbed off on him, as he was sued multiple times for refusing to sell vacant apartments to human customers. For the next few decades, Donnie John's business was repeatedly sued for various things, ranging from misuse of eminent domain to outright stiffing his workers. Since he has "the best lawyers" as he puts it, he would pretty much always get away with settling the case anyway. One year before The Poston Plant arrived on Planet Lard, Donnie John ran for President of Planet Lard, saying that the humans from Ishgabangaloodoo were "rapists and drug dealers" and that he would build a "great great wall" to keep them out. This message resonated with the working class and the coal miners, whose jobs were "going to Ryu 97 and going to New Aztlan" as Donnie John put it. He was elected by a very close margin 80,000 votes in 3 districts, making him President even though his opponent, a literal chair, won the popular vote. As President, he filled his cabinet with idiots and hacks and proceeded to ruin Planet Lard and its reputation abroad. When Weasel, Taftenkhamun, and Priyanka showed up, following The Poston Plant, they demanded an audience with Donnie John. However, Donnie John was too preoccupied fighting off what he called the "fake news media". As a result, The Poston Plant set up its roots unchecked, devouring the planet and killing everyone on it, including Donnie John.