Pizza Emergency Truck (PET)

I have always joked that pizza delivery is considered an emergency service, along with fire, ambulance, police and computer repair. Perhaps it's time that a standard for a pizza emergency should be established. It would work if every restaurant pitched in. A pizza delivery would be defined as desperate cry for generic pizza, hot and fast.

Ground Rules

  • Anyone declaring a pizza emergency would wave their choice of brand, crust or topping.
  • An emergency pizza order would be defined as two medium combo pizzas, two liters of cola, and disposable utensils.
  • The pizza would be an undefined combo with assorted meats, cheeses, and tomato sauce.
  • The cola would contain sugar and caffeine.
  • The pizza could be any size or shape as long as it had a minimum weight of cheese, meat, and total food.
  • Every licensed pizza delivery company in each neighborhood would take turns supporting the PET in proportion to their nightly net sales.
  • Throughout the night, the company would stock the truck with generic combo pizzas with a maximum hold time of one hour.
  • The company would have a maximum of fifteen minutes from the time of the call to the time the PET personnel crossed the property line or buzzed the apartment.
  • Pizza is defined as bread, meat, cheese and a tomato based sauce
  • People who have a problem with bread (gluten) should not order an emergency pizza.
  • People who have a problem with cheese (lactose intolerant) should not order an emergency pizza
  • People who have an ethical or religious objection to animal products should not order an emergency pizza.
  • People who have a religious or cultural objections to a specific type of meat (cows, pigs, horses, cats, dogs, whales, dolphins, rats or cute bunny rabbits) should not order an emergency pizza.
  • The company may, at their discretion, offer to substitute cheese pizzas when available, for people who object to meat
  • If the customer doesn't respond, or or refuses delivery or is belligerent, the delivery driver could refer the call to the police department

The customer did declare the pizza delivery as an emergency

I know that you object to losing your right to chose your pizza company, crust or toppings. Fair enough. Call your favorite delivery company and order. Just remember that pizza is not an emergency.