November 2008 Kukai

Kigo Theme: 

Trees

First Place – Twenty-five Points

lightning

an owl in the elm

...not in the elm

Melissa Spurr

(3,4,8) = 25 Pts

Wow! Perfect visual!

in the glow

of the red maple

autumn's end

Roberta Beary

(2,5,9) = 25 Pts

Second Place – Twenty-three Points

acorn cap

sometimes all I know

is emptiness

John Thompson

(1,4,12) = 23 Pts

Appealingly small and sweetly poignant.

Third Place – Twenty-one Points

wet snow

another year weighs

on the century oak

tom painting

(1,5,8) = 21 Pts

Fourth Place – Twenty Points

pine fence

the tiny spider

mends a knothole

RaV

(0,4,12) = 20 Pts

This had, for me, that satisfying "of course" feeling... such a natural pairing, spiders and knotholes.

Fifth Place – Seventeen Points

Hiroshima . . .

an autumn gingko

blurred by tears

Beverley George

(2,3,5) = 17 Pts

Extremely powerful and full of emotion.

abandoned house

on the mulberry tree

a cicada shell

Sheri Files

(1,1,12) = 17 Pts

I liked how this played with my mind's expectations... I was thinking the house was going to be on a hill or street, so the tree was a nice surprise.

Sixth Place – Sixteen Points

platano tree —

every leaf falling

in its own way

Tomislav M.

(1,3,7) = 16 Pts

Seventh Place – Fifteen Points

an oak falls —

the old man's song

goes on

Rita Odeh

(1,3,6) = 15 Pts

Eighth Place – Fourteen Points

acorns —

the tree my

father planted

Robert Ertman

(1,0,11) = 14 Pts

Ninth Place – Thirteen Points

hard frost

the old oak's branches

cage the full moon

Catherine J.S. Lee

(1,2,6) = 13 Pts

This is perfectly executed; great imagery and word choice.

days of rain

the willow loses

its reflection

polona

(1,1,8) = 13 Pts

Tenth Place – Twelve Points

Oak grove

in the space between daydreams

an acorn falls

Kilah C.

(0,1,10) = 12 Pts

Reality will intrude.

birdless oak

I listen to the song

of a winter wind

Collin Barber

(0,1,10) = 12 Pts

I like the "water mind" aspect of this... moving from listening to what used to be there ("should") to what actually IS there.

Eleventh Place – Ten Points

first snow —

silence among

the aspens

jt

(0,2,6) = 10 Pts

Twelfth Place – Eight Points

all saints

only oaks

around the tomb

Wojciech Wojnar

(1,2,1) = 8 Pts

all hallows eve

the ghost face

in half a walnut shell

Francine Banwarth

(1,1,3) = 8 Pts

persistent

under the morning frost

the smell of pines

Dejan Pavlinovic

(0,2,4) = 8 Pts

autumn wind —

between oak branches

a lone star

Israel Lopez Balan

(0,1,6) = 8 Pts

Thirteenth Place – Seven Points

In our home

both the moon and stars...

the Christmas Tree

Vasile Moldovan

(1,2,0) = 7 Pts

It happened that

my apricot tree to blossom

just on your birthday

Adina Enachescu

(1,2,0) = 7 Pts

autumn moon —

kneeling under the pine

one shadow to another

tori inu

(0,2,3) = 7 Pts

Fourteenth Place – Six Points

gentle rain at dusk

drips softly from cedar trees

missing my father

Bridget Cougar

(1,1,1) = 6 Pts

A lime tree

at my window pane...

sere leaves

Magdalena Dale

(0,3,0) = 6 Pts

evening star —

the last poplar leaves

still rustling

Isabelle Prondzynski

(0,2,2) = 6 Pts

snow melt

beneath the maple

leaf after leaf

Susan Constable

(0,2,2) = 6 Pts

Japanese maple —

through brilliant leaves and rain,

that black trunk!

Shelley Krause

(0,2,2) = 6 Pts

cold dawn —

bare oak limbs reach

for the sun

Nancy Nitrio

(0,1,4) = 6 Pts

Fifteenth Place – Five Points

standing tall

poplars and willows 

breaking wind

carol bleicher

(0,2,1) = 5 Pts

The juxtaposition of utilitarian function with cultural humor is particularly interesting. What it lacks in subtlety, it regains in imagery.

an old man prunes

the olive tree’s branches

no peace here

Meredith Stern Cavalieri

(0,2,1) = 5 Pts

a haiku

on her oak desk

autumn leaves

Mary Davila

(0,2,1) = 5 Pts

piano class

even an old oak rustles

in mazurka rhythm

Jacek M.

(0,1,3) = 5 Pts

Good one - the spirit of the trees catches the vibe!

visiting home

daddy's memorial oak

now shades the house

Hazel A. Witherspoon

(0,1,3) = 5 Pts

Sixteenth Place – Four Points

cherry leaves 

falling on the red currant shrub —

the first white frost

Miorita

(1,0,1) = 4 Pts

the widow's oak

holding a leaf

Christmas evening

Dan Schwerin

(1,0,1) = 4 Pts

weeping willow —

even my eyes

get moist

Katarzyna Predota

(0,2,0) = 4 Pts

dried oak leaves

swirl like ribbons

in the wind

fedelmia

(0,2,0) = 4 Pts

A vivid image musically rendered. An example of 'rule breaking' which works excellently well (one sentence rule & don't use 'like'.

waving in the wind

from the bough the of pine

the spiders banner

Bill Hudson

(0,1,2) = 4 Pts

cold north wind

the willows

bent backwards

John Stone

(0,1,2) = 4 Pts

indian summer —

she leads me behind

the old bare cottonwood

Mike Montreuil

(0,1,2) = 4 Pts

Missa solemnis.

Imagining maple trees

in autumn colors.

Horst Ludwig

(0,1,2) = 4 Pts

serenade

west wind strums

the silver birch

Frances McCarthy

(0,1,2) = 4 Pts

black walnut tree

bumper crop of nuts

and squirrels

deanna tief

(0,1,2) = 4 Pts

a willow —

sprouts in my garden

unbidden

terrytip

(0,0,4) = 4 Pts

autumn ginkgo

pieces of sunlight flying off

in the breeze

Audrey Downey

(0,0,4) = 4 Pts

nightfall

in the twisted walnut branches

a thin-curved moon

Elena

(0,0,4) = 4 Pts

last light

through last leaves

old cottonwood

Ann K. Schwader

(0,0,4) = 4 Pts

birds singing

on a pepper tree —

a hot day

Judy Muthengi

(0,0,4) = 4 Pts

Seventeenth Place – Three Points

a cold clear day

the yellow leaves spread out

from the last maple

Bruce Ross

(0,1,1)= 3 Pts

recess:

by the royal empress tree

he gets a quick kiss

Raquel D. Bailey

(0,1,1)= 3 Pts

playing peek-a-boo

among the banyan roots

November moon

Josh Wikoff

(0,1,1) = 3 Pts

years since

I've heard those words

bittersweet winds up the oak

Joyce Clement

(0,1,1) = 3 Pts

I see you possum —

climbing my persimmon tree!

I have the ripe fruit.

Rose Marie Stutts

(0,1,1) = 3 Pts

Hunter's Moon —

oak leaves lace

the gutter

aom (tim)

(0,1,1) = 3 Pts

stained hands —

a squirrel feasts

under my walnut tree

Daniela Bullas

(0,0,3) = 3 Pts

open field

a threadbare oak 

leans into the wind

todd eddy

(0,0,3) = 3 Pts

burr oak

the old horse stays in the shade

pestered by flies

Edward

(0,0,3) = 3 Pts

oak sapling

its few leaves 

turned to gold

Garry Eaton

(0,0,3) = 3 Pts

a strip of pink

beyond the bare Linden tree —

day breaks

Marylouise Knight

(0,0,3) = 3 Pts

little china

the sliced bamboo shoots

in my clear soup

kala ramesh

(0,0,3) = 3 Pts

Something so satisfyingly simple here... with a nod towards the futility of possession.

General Comments:

I found that this month's topic seemed rather difficult for many poets to address without getting sentimental or clichéd.

Free Format Theme:

Everyday People

First Place – Twenty-three Points

family day —

my house too small

for their voices

Gryta Wansdronk

(1,6,8) = 23 Pts

crowdedtrainpressedbetweenstrangerswarmbacks

Jan O'Loughlin

(1,4,12) = 23 Pts

Love the breathlessness of this piece.

Despite the grammatical ambiguity here in which it is the train which is pressed, I like this one-liner best of the group. Running the words together gives a gut level sense of the commuter jostle and crowding.

Ingeniously crafted. I love the visual effect of letters crowdedtogetherononeline!

Second Place – Sixteen Points

morning mist

the milkman's voice

from door to door

Jacek M.

(0,3,10) = 16 Pts

I find a cozy feeling in this one; the friendly voice of a traditional home service person without whom children could hardly manage a few years ago, making his rounds in the mist which snuggles him to each house and family in turn.

Bravo! This is beautifully done!

dusting off

his baby picture —

the convict's mother

John Thompson

(0,1,14) = 16 Pts

How very sad. Everybody is somebody's baby.

Third Place – Fourteen Points

the old man

watching his cat watch the mouse

falls asleep

Bill Hudson

(2,1,6) = 14 Pts

early darkness

the warmth

of her kiln

tom painting

(0,4,6) = 14 Pts

The kind of heat that draws you in, such a tactile haiku!

homeless man

the postman delivers

a smile

Elena Naskova

(0,4,6) = 14 Pts

Nice play on words in its warm and tidy simplicity.

combat medals

the times he never

talks about

Catherine J.S. Lee

(0,4,6) = 14 Pts

turning cold

an old man asks

what day it is

Bill Kenney

(0,4,6) = 14 Pts

It takes a change of season to draw his attention back to the world, I'm left wondering what his story is.

homeless guy

the santa hat finally

in season

Roberta Beary

(0,2,10) = 14 Pts

Sadly believable.

I love someone like this, not a homeless person but my daughter who is all about Christmas all year long.

Fourth Place – Eleven Points

some passengers go

some passengers come —

autumn wind

Israel Lopez Balan

(1,1,6) = 11 Pts

The wind swirls people like Mary Poppins or leaves. A sense of oneness in the passage of time.

new father

the gentle darkness

of his stubbled face

Frances McCarthy

(0,2,7) = 11 Pts

This one is so sweet.

Fifth Place – Ten Points

bank machine

expectant mother waits

her turn

Harvey Jenkins

(1,1,5) = 10 Pts

snow drift

a hitchhiker points his thumb

to the south

Melissa Spurr

(0,0,10) = 10 Pts

Sixth Place – Nine Points

before the sun

even before the rooster

a farmer's wife wakes

todd eddy

(1,2,2) = 9 Pts

an evening walk —

in the empty beauty shop

laughing hairdressers

D.V. Rozic

(1,2,2) = 9 Pts

tidewater

trickling through stones

a child's laughter

Josh Wikoff

(1,1,4) = 9 Pts

election day —

a crossing guard waves me on

with his STOP sign

Neil Moylan

(1,0,6) = 9 Pts

dawn light —

voices of the

street sweepers

gillena

(0,2,5) = 9 Pts

Seventh Place – Eight Points

fallen leaves —

she sits alone

in bankruptcy court

jt

(0,2,4) = 8 Pts

stranger's greeting

on the mountain path

melting snow

Dorota Pyra

(0,1,6) = 8 Pts

I really like the pivot here; I love to imagine that the warmth of the greeting might have caused the snow to melt. Nicely done.

Nice multi-layered capturing of the sweetness of thaw.

Eighth Place – Seven Points

below zero

the beggar, still

on his knees

oga

(0,3,1) = 7 Pts

street vendor

his shoes

the color of sky

Francine Banwarth

(0,3,1) = 7 Pts

Simple words, plainly stated, giving us a glimpse of the skill and pride someone takes in their work, an honorable life.

clear sky

the window washer

watching us watching him

ed markowski

(0,1,5) = 7 Pts

binding me and

fellow commuter —

a silent nod

Vaidya Narayanan

(0,1,5) = 7 Pts

park bench

the vagrant's whole house

in one plastic bag

RaV

(0,1,5) = 7 Pts

Ninth Place – Six Points

the flustered cashier

sighs "om mani padme hum"

morning commute

Jeff Hanson

(0,2,2) = 6 Pts

friendly gardener

the estate's watchdogs

become bilingual

Edward

(0,1,4) = 6 Pts

I'm a sucker for dogs who actually listen more to tone than words.

the scarf 

she never finished

brown pine needles

Deborah P Kolodji

(0,1,4) = 6 Pts

Oregon rain

the roof drips

the roofer too

Barbara Snow

(0,1,4) = 6 Pts

I liked the sound of this one, and the somewhat surprising appearance of the roofer.

Tenth Place – Five Points

crowded lorry

a child counting

one soldier ..two three

Rita Odeh

(0,2,1) = 5 Pts

she can hardly walk

in her string bag

a can of cat food

miriam chaikin

(0,1,3) = 5 Pts

solstice

I ask the whore

for directions

Earl Keener

(0,0,5) = 5 Pts

Ha! There's an amusing subtext here. I love the intentional ambiguity!

Eleventh Place – Four Points

on her knees

planting pansies —

old jack-o-lantern watches

Terri L. French

(1,0,1) = 4 Pts

in the bathroom

preparing to shave —

she is everywhere

tori inu

(0,2,0) = 4 Pts

Satisfyingly tight.

Fired today —

steering wheel scorches his hand

as he exits the lot

Janice Hornburg

(0,2,0) = 4 Pts

The richness autumn: 

in the grandma's quince tree

more leaves than fruits

Constantin Stroe

(0,2,0) = 4 Pts

summer twilight

the roadside palmist

looks at the sun

Narayanan Raghunathan

(0,0,4) = 4 Pts

Twelfth Place – Three Points

kaleidoscope:

chlorophyll and melanin 

changing colors

Daniela Bullas

(1,0,0) = 3 Pts

in the garden of ordinary people

a dandelion

smiles like a child

selwyn

(1,0,0) = 3 Pts

after mass

a char brushes the dust

from her knees

Lech Szeglowski

(0,1,1) = 3 Pts

a florist

around her

still spring

Iga

(0,1,1) = 3 pts

frosty night

the paperboy on his rounds

sips hot chocolate

John Daleiden

(0,1,1) = 3 Pts

corner boys

with warmer hoodies

night falling

Beth Powell

(0,1,1) = 3 Pts

autumn dawn

the stockbroker

shuts his drapes

Páll Ingi Kvaran

(0,1,1) = 3 Pts

busy café

the cook chops beefsteak

from the menu

Susan Constable

(0,1,1) = 3 Pts

autumn light —

on the back of grandma’s hand

the tree of life

Nancy Smith

(0,1,1) = 3 Pts

Thanksgiving Day...

the beggar's hat filled with

guilty conscience

Dejan Pavlinovic

(0,1,1) = 3 Pts

foreign country

the florist and I

planting gestures

kala ramesh

(0,0,3) = 3 Pts

I can relate to that and like the humor here.

white night —

a drunk vagabond

drifts into church

Isabelle Prondzynski

(0,0,3) = 3 Pts

good morning! 

a flash of gold

from the grocer's smile

Tanya Dikova

(0,0,3) = 3 Pts

A flash of recognition, a familiar face, or someone just open to strangers...it's an easy way to make the world around us a better place to live.

General Comments:

I found many of these haiku touching - they brought such varied happenings, some I haven't experienced but they came across vividly. A tapestry of images of ordinary life expressed in ways that ring true.

If that sounds too emotional, it's because that's how I felt each time I read through them.

Senryu is difficult and a number of entries came off as didactic and clichéd, my own included although I didn't think so at the time.