Congratulations to Melissa Spurr and Roberta Beary, winners of our Kigo section and to Gryta Wansdronk and Jan O'Loughlin, winners of our Free Format section!
November 2008 Results
Kigo Theme:
Trees
First Place – Twenty-five Points
lightning
an owl in the elm
...not in the elm
Melissa Spurr
(3,4,8) = 25 Pts
Wow! Perfect visual!
in the glow
of the red maple
autumn's end
Roberta Beary
(2,5,9) = 25 Pts
Second Place – Twenty-three Points
acorn cap
sometimes all I know
is emptiness
John Thompson
(1,4,12) = 23 Pts
Appealingly small and sweetly poignant.
Third Place – Twenty-one Points
wet snow
another year weighs
on the century oak
tom painting
(1,5,8) = 21 Pts
Fourth Place – Twenty Points
pine fence
the tiny spider
mends a knothole
RaV
(0,4,12) = 20 Pts
This had, for me, that satisfying "of course" feeling... such a natural pairing, spiders and knotholes.
Fifth Place – Seventeen Points
Hiroshima . . .
an autumn gingko
blurred by tears
Beverley George
(2,3,5) = 17 Pts
Extremely powerful and full of emotion.
abandoned house
on the mulberry tree
a cicada shell
Sheri Files
(1,1,12) = 17 Pts
I liked how this played with my mind's expectations... I was thinking the house was going to be on a hill or street, so the tree was a nice surprise.
Sixth Place – Sixteen Points
platano tree —
every leaf falling
in its own way
Tomislav M.
(1,3,7) = 16 Pts
Seventh Place – Fifteen Points
an oak falls —
the old man's song
goes on
Rita Odeh
(1,3,6) = 15 Pts
Eighth Place – Fourteen Points
acorns —
the tree my
father planted
Robert Ertman
(1,0,11) = 14 Pts
Ninth Place – Thirteen Points
hard frost
the old oak's branches
cage the full moon
Catherine J.S. Lee
(1,2,6) = 13 Pts
This is perfectly executed; great imagery and word choice.
days of rain
the willow loses
its reflection
polona
(1,1,8) = 13 Pts
Tenth Place – Twelve Points
Oak grove
in the space between daydreams
an acorn falls
Kilah C.
(0,1,10) = 12 Pts
Reality will intrude.
birdless oak
I listen to the song
of a winter wind
Collin Barber
(0,1,10) = 12 Pts
I like the "water mind" aspect of this... moving from listening to what used to be there ("should") to what actually IS there.
Eleventh Place – Ten Points
first snow —
silence among
the aspens
jt
(0,2,6) = 10 Pts
Twelfth Place – Eight Points
all saints
only oaks
around the tomb
Wojciech Wojnar
(1,2,1) = 8 Pts
all hallows eve
the ghost face
in half a walnut shell
Francine Banwarth
(1,1,3) = 8 Pts
persistent
under the morning frost
the smell of pines
Dejan Pavlinovic
(0,2,4) = 8 Pts
autumn wind —
between oak branches
a lone star
Israel Lopez Balan
(0,1,6) = 8 Pts
Thirteenth Place – Seven Points
In our home
both the moon and stars...
the Christmas Tree
Vasile Moldovan
(1,2,0) = 7 Pts
It happened that
my apricot tree to blossom
just on your birthday
Adina Enachescu
(1,2,0) = 7 Pts
autumn moon —
kneeling under the pine
one shadow to another
tori inu
(0,2,3) = 7 Pts
Fourteenth Place – Six Points
gentle rain at dusk
drips softly from cedar trees
missing my father
Bridget Cougar
(1,1,1) = 6 Pts
A lime tree
at my window pane...
sere leaves
Magdalena Dale
(0,3,0) = 6 Pts
evening star —
the last poplar leaves
still rustling
Isabelle Prondzynski
(0,2,2) = 6 Pts
snow melt
beneath the maple
leaf after leaf
Susan Constable
(0,2,2) = 6 Pts
Japanese maple —
through brilliant leaves and rain,
that black trunk!
Shelley Krause
(0,2,2) = 6 Pts
cold dawn —
bare oak limbs reach
for the sun
Nancy Nitrio
(0,1,4) = 6 Pts
Fifteenth Place – Five Points
standing tall
poplars and willows
breaking wind
carol bleicher
(0,2,1) = 5 Pts
The juxtaposition of utilitarian function with cultural humor is particularly interesting. What it lacks in subtlety, it regains in imagery.
an old man prunes
the olive tree’s branches
no peace here
Meredith Stern Cavalieri
(0,2,1) = 5 Pts
a haiku
on her oak desk
autumn leaves
Mary Davila
(0,2,1) = 5 Pts
piano class
even an old oak rustles
in mazurka rhythm
Jacek M.
(0,1,3) = 5 Pts
Good one - the spirit of the trees catches the vibe!
visiting home
daddy's memorial oak
now shades the house
Hazel A. Witherspoon
(0,1,3) = 5 Pts
Sixteenth Place – Four Points
cherry leaves
falling on the red currant shrub —
the first white frost
Miorita
(1,0,1) = 4 Pts
the widow's oak
holding a leaf
Christmas evening
Dan Schwerin
(1,0,1) = 4 Pts
weeping willow —
even my eyes
get moist
Katarzyna Predota
(0,2,0) = 4 Pts
dried oak leaves
swirl like ribbons
in the wind
fedelmia
(0,2,0) = 4 Pts
A vivid image musically rendered. An example of 'rule breaking' which works excellently well (one sentence rule & don't use 'like'.
waving in the wind
from the bough the of pine
the spiders banner
Bill Hudson
(0,1,2) = 4 Pts
cold north wind
the willows
bent backwards
John Stone
(0,1,2) = 4 Pts
indian summer —
she leads me behind
the old bare cottonwood
Mike Montreuil
(0,1,2) = 4 Pts
Missa solemnis.
Imagining maple trees
in autumn colors.
Horst Ludwig
(0,1,2) = 4 Pts
serenade
west wind strums
the silver birch
Frances McCarthy
(0,1,2) = 4 Pts
black walnut tree
bumper crop of nuts
and squirrels
deanna tief
(0,1,2) = 4 Pts
a willow —
sprouts in my garden
unbidden
terrytip
(0,0,4) = 4 Pts
autumn ginkgo
pieces of sunlight flying off
in the breeze
Audrey Downey
(0,0,4) = 4 Pts
nightfall
in the twisted walnut branches
a thin-curved moon
Elena
(0,0,4) = 4 Pts
last light
through last leaves
old cottonwood
Ann K. Schwader
(0,0,4) = 4 Pts
birds singing
on a pepper tree —
a hot day
Judy Muthengi
(0,0,4) = 4 Pts
Seventeenth Place – Three Points
a cold clear day
the yellow leaves spread out
from the last maple
Bruce Ross
(0,1,1)= 3 Pts
recess:
by the royal empress tree
he gets a quick kiss
Raquel D. Bailey
(0,1,1)= 3 Pts
playing peek-a-boo
among the banyan roots
November moon
Josh Wikoff
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts
years since
I've heard those words
bittersweet winds up the oak
Joyce Clement
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts
I see you possum —
climbing my persimmon tree!
I have the ripe fruit.
Rose Marie Stutts
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts
Hunter's Moon —
oak leaves lace
the gutter
aom (tim)
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts
stained hands —
a squirrel feasts
under my walnut tree
Daniela Bullas
(0,0,3) = 3 Pts
open field
a threadbare oak
leans into the wind
todd eddy
(0,0,3) = 3 Pts
burr oak
the old horse stays in the shade
pestered by flies
Edward
(0,0,3) = 3 Pts
oak sapling
its few leaves
turned to gold
Garry Eaton
(0,0,3) = 3 Pts
a strip of pink
beyond the bare Linden tree —
day breaks
Marylouise Knight
(0,0,3) = 3 Pts
little china
the sliced bamboo shoots
in my clear soup
kala ramesh
(0,0,3) = 3 Pts
Something so satisfyingly simple here... with a nod towards the futility of possession.
General Comments:
I found that this month's topic seemed rather difficult for many poets to address without getting sentimental or clichéd.
Free Format Theme:
Everyday People
First Place – Twenty-three Points
family day —
my house too small
for their voices
Gryta Wansdronk
(1,6,8) = 23 Pts
crowdedtrainpressedbetweenstrangerswarmbacks
Jan O'Loughlin
(1,4,12) = 23 Pts
Love the breathlessness of this piece.
Despite the grammatical ambiguity here in which it is the train which is pressed, I like this one-liner best of the group. Running the words together gives a gut level sense of the commuter jostle and crowding.
Ingeniously crafted. I love the visual effect of letters crowdedtogetherononeline!
Second Place – Sixteen Points
morning mist
the milkman's voice
from door to door
Jacek M.
(0,3,10) = 16 Pts
I find a cozy feeling in this one; the friendly voice of a traditional home service person without whom children could hardly manage a few years ago, making his rounds in the mist which snuggles him to each house and family in turn.
Bravo! This is beautifully done!
dusting off
his baby picture —
the convict's mother
John Thompson
(0,1,14) = 16 Pts
How very sad. Everybody is somebody's baby.
Third Place – Fourteen Points
the old man
watching his cat watch the mouse
falls asleep
Bill Hudson
(2,1,6) = 14 Pts
early darkness
the warmth
of her kiln
tom painting
(0,4,6) = 14 Pts
The kind of heat that draws you in, such a tactile haiku!
homeless man
the postman delivers
a smile
Elena Naskova
(0,4,6) = 14 Pts
Nice play on words in its warm and tidy simplicity.
combat medals
the times he never
talks about
Catherine J.S. Lee
(0,4,6) = 14 Pts
turning cold
an old man asks
what day it is
Bill Kenney
(0,4,6) = 14 Pts
It takes a change of season to draw his attention back to the world, I'm left wondering what his story is.
homeless guy
the santa hat finally
in season
Roberta Beary
(0,2,10) = 14 Pts
Sadly believable.
I love someone like this, not a homeless person but my daughter who is all about Christmas all year long.
Fourth Place – Eleven Points
some passengers go
some passengers come —
autumn wind
Israel Lopez Balan
(1,1,6) = 11 Pts
The wind swirls people like Mary Poppins or leaves. A sense of oneness in the passage of time.
new father
the gentle darkness
of his stubbled face
Frances McCarthy
(0,2,7) = 11 Pts
This one is so sweet.
Fifth Place – Ten Points
bank machine
expectant mother waits
her turn
Harvey Jenkins
(1,1,5) = 10 Pts
snow drift
a hitchhiker points his thumb
to the south
Melissa Spurr
(0,0,10) = 10 Pts
Sixth Place – Nine Points
before the sun
even before the rooster
a farmer's wife wakes
todd eddy
(1,2,2) = 9 Pts
an evening walk —
in the empty beauty shop
laughing hairdressers
D.V. Rozic
(1,2,2) = 9 Pts
tidewater
trickling through stones
a child's laughter
Josh Wikoff
(1,1,4) = 9 Pts
election day —
a crossing guard waves me on
with his STOP sign
Neil Moylan
(1,0,6) = 9 Pts
dawn light —
voices of the
street sweepers
gillena
(0,2,5) = 9 Pts
Seventh Place – Eight Points
fallen leaves —
she sits alone
in bankruptcy court
jt
(0,2,4) = 8 Pts
stranger's greeting
on the mountain path
melting snow
Dorota Pyra
(0,1,6) = 8 Pts
I really like the pivot here; I love to imagine that the warmth of the greeting might have caused the snow to melt. Nicely done.
Nice multi-layered capturing of the sweetness of thaw.
Eighth Place – Seven Points
below zero
the beggar, still
on his knees
oga
(0,3,1) = 7 Pts
street vendor
his shoes
the color of sky
Francine Banwarth
(0,3,1) = 7 Pts
Simple words, plainly stated, giving us a glimpse of the skill and pride someone takes in their work, an honorable life.
clear sky
the window washer
watching us watching him
ed markowski
(0,1,5) = 7 Pts
binding me and
fellow commuter —
a silent nod
Vaidya Narayanan
(0,1,5) = 7 Pts
park bench
the vagrant's whole house
in one plastic bag
RaV
(0,1,5) = 7 Pts
Ninth Place – Six Points
the flustered cashier
sighs "om mani padme hum"
morning commute
Jeff Hanson
(0,2,2) = 6 Pts
friendly gardener
the estate's watchdogs
become bilingual
Edward
(0,1,4) = 6 Pts
I'm a sucker for dogs who actually listen more to tone than words.
the scarf
she never finished
brown pine needles
Deborah P Kolodji
(0,1,4) = 6 Pts
Oregon rain
the roof drips
the roofer too
Barbara Snow
(0,1,4) = 6 Pts
I liked the sound of this one, and the somewhat surprising appearance of the roofer.
Tenth Place – Five Points
crowded lorry
a child counting
one soldier ..two three
Rita Odeh
(0,2,1) = 5 Pts
she can hardly walk
in her string bag
a can of cat food
miriam chaikin
(0,1,3) = 5 Pts
solstice
I ask the whore
for directions
Earl Keener
(0,0,5) = 5 Pts
Ha! There's an amusing subtext here. I love the intentional ambiguity!
Eleventh Place – Four Points
on her knees
planting pansies —
old jack-o-lantern watches
Terri L. French
(1,0,1) = 4 Pts
in the bathroom
preparing to shave —
she is everywhere
tori inu
(0,2,0) = 4 Pts
Satisfyingly tight.
Fired today —
steering wheel scorches his hand
as he exits the lot
Janice Hornburg
(0,2,0) = 4 Pts
The richness autumn:
in the grandma's quince tree
more leaves than fruits
Constantin Stroe
(0,2,0) = 4 Pts
summer twilight
the roadside palmist
looks at the sun
Narayanan Raghunathan
(0,0,4) = 4 Pts
Twelfth Place – Three Points
kaleidoscope:
chlorophyll and melanin
changing colors
Daniela Bullas
(1,0,0) = 3 Pts
in the garden of ordinary people
a dandelion
smiles like a child
selwyn
(1,0,0) = 3 Pts
after mass
a char brushes the dust
from her knees
Lech Szeglowski
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts
a florist
around her
still spring
Iga
(0,1,1) = 3 pts
frosty night
the paperboy on his rounds
sips hot chocolate
John Daleiden
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts
corner boys
with warmer hoodies
night falling
Beth Powell
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts
autumn dawn
the stockbroker
shuts his drapes
Páll Ingi Kvaran
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts
busy café
the cook chops beefsteak
from the menu
Susan Constable
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts
autumn light —
on the back of grandma’s hand
the tree of life
Nancy Smith
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts
Thanksgiving Day...
the beggar's hat filled with
guilty conscience
Dejan Pavlinovic
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts
foreign country
the florist and I
planting gestures
kala ramesh
(0,0,3) = 3 Pts
I can relate to that and like the humor here.
white night —
a drunk vagabond
drifts into church
Isabelle Prondzynski
(0,0,3) = 3 Pts
good morning!
a flash of gold
from the grocer's smile
Tanya Dikova
(0,0,3) = 3 Pts
A flash of recognition, a familiar face, or someone just open to strangers...it's an easy way to make the world around us a better place to live.
General Comments:
I found many of these haiku touching - they brought such varied happenings, some I haven't experienced but they came across vividly. A tapestry of images of ordinary life expressed in ways that ring true.
If that sounds too emotional, it's because that's how I felt each time I read through them.
Senryu is difficult and a number of entries came off as didactic and clichéd, my own included although I didn't think so at the time.