January 2008 Kukai

Kigo Theme:

Plum

First Place -- 42 points

ink brush

so many ways to draw

a plum blossom

Audrey Downey

(3,8,17) = 42 pts

The moment just before the beginning, full of uncertainties and possibilities.

Second Place -- 27 points

into winter ~

the empty plum tree

and I

Paul Hodder

(0,7,13) = 27 pts

I love the stark simplicity of this one.

The plum tree and the haijin coincide, but each with a hope for future blossom?

Third Place -- 22 points

plum pudding

an old friend warms

a cold night

Jo McInerney

(1,4,11) = 22 pts

21 points

deep winter —

breaking the seal

on a jar of plum jam

tom painting

(1,3,12) = 21 pts

A strong moment. I would have scored it higher if line 1 had been line 3, but that's probably just me.

I like the tension between the "locked in" feeling of deep winter and the breaking of the seal.

Nice evocation of scent without "telling". There were several last jars of plum jam but this one captures a sense of how we try to seal ourselves away from the winter season.

16 points

all that remains

of the tree by my gate

this pickled plum

Barbara Snow

(1,1,11) = 16 pts

13 points

plum branches

in bloom . . .

baby's first kick

Alice Frampton

(0,3,7) = 13 pts

12 points

three year drought

the scream of a chainsaw

in the plum orchard

Edward

(1,2,5) = 12 pts

`Scream' is an evocative word and well-placed here. I'm not sure that the season is clear as a dead tree can be cut at any time of the year. Still it's a strong seasonless haiku.

11 points

winter wind

blowing away thoughts

of plum blossom

Jon Baldwin

(2,0,5) = 11 pts

One of those times when season and weather don't coincide, we've all shared this dashed hope of spring.

window light

the dancing edges

of still-life plums

George Hawkins

(0,4,3) = 11 pts

evening breeze …

plum petals flee

the Buddha's ear

Carol Raisfeld

(0,1,9) = 11 pts

An interesting (if slightly forced) image, as I don't see why the 'ear' more than any other body part, or in fact what cause to 'flee' the Buddha at all as they actually would 'sail past' wouldn't they?

10 points

a sparrow flock

settles upon gray limbs--

plum's winter leaves

Sherry Weaver Smith

(1,1,5) = 10 pts

plum kimono

worn bravely against

white mornings

Ruth Powell

(0,4,2) = 10 pts

ice storm:

the builder's plum-line

still in mid

              s

               w

                 i

                  n

                    g

Ron Moss

(0,3,4) = 10 pts

9 points

plum pudding

on her new Christmas apron

the first purple stain

bre:^)

(1,2,2) = 9 pts

the taste of

sour plum a spring later —

no regrets

Elena Naskova

(1,1,4) = 9 pts

Tells a story which the reader can only guess. I like the bitter- sweet taste of that story.

dreams dangling

from bare branches

plum blossoms

Judith Gorgone

(0,2,5) = 9 pts

8 points

fruit vendor —

throws a plum

at a stray dog

Kala Ramesh

(1,2,1) = 8 pts

snowed in —

a dob of plum jam

on each pancake

Susan Constable

(1,0,5) = 8 pts

tumbling

in rain

plum blossom

Roberta Beary

(0,3,2) = 8 pts

fresh plums

the way she rubs

the sheen off

RaV

(0,3,2) = 8 pts

snowbound

slowly spreading plum jam

with my father's knife

Petar Tchouhov

(0,3,2) = 8 pts

plum-blossom petals

stippling the silent pond

chilly rain

Catherine J.S. Lee

(0,1,6) = 8 pts

blossoming plum

baby girl lifts

her skirt to dance

john tiong chunghoo

(0,1,6) = 8 pts

This one rests solidly on the symbolic relationship between blossoms and human feminine childhood as well on the visual likeness of a blossom to a skirt.

7 points

droning teacher…

students' eyes focus

on plum blossoms

Nancy Smith

(1,1,2) = 7 pts

this is just to say

the plums in the icebox

are for breakfast

Bill Kenney

(0,2,3) = 7 pts

on her lips

plum-flavored lipstick

… winter evening

Ella Wagemakers

(0,1,5) = 7 pts

That'll take your mind off the cold. Taste the color.

overripe plum —

another phone call

unanswered

Laurene

(0,1,5) = 7 pts

6 points

ice in the plum trees

she's out there

talking to the stars

Francine Banwarth

(1,0,3) = 6 pts

art class —

picking the right plum

for a nipple

ash of moth

(0,2,2) = 6 pts

Art = nature + artifice.

budding plum blossoms

first ikebana arrangement

of the New Year

Nancy Nitrio

(0,1,4) = 6 pts

Though I didn't consider actual plum blossom to be quite appropriate for this season - according to Bill Higginson "looking for plum blossom" is the early spring kigo - this budding branch is especially brought indoors to force into bloom for a New Year arrangement. This makes it a rare delight.

branches

bowing low -

the weight of ripe plums

Pia Sosua

(0,1,4) = 6 pts

dusty sunset —

the hawker's wheelbarrow

still full of red plums

Patrick

(0,1,4) = 6 pts

last jar

of mother's plum jelly

morning snow

Ann K. Schwader

(0,0,6) = 6 pts

5 points

old garden

with flowering plum tree …

scent of spring

Jacek M.

(0,2,1) = 5 pts

dried plums

I rest with a hand

on my belly

Meredith Stern Cavalieri

(0,2,1) = 5 pts

plum sauce —

the last eggroll

shared

Mike Montreuil

(0,1,3) = 5 pts

the plum's curve

fits my palm —

her chilling words

Michael Dylan Welch

(0,1,3) = 5 pts

The thought of a plum to throw is so strong for me here I wish that L3 were first to give it a logically linear thrust. Even though cause and effect are not to be sought or explained in haiku, I feel they can sometimes be used to advantage.

4 points

picking plums

her dress

the very same shade

kawazu

(1,0,1) = 4 pts

my dog's nose

glows in the dark —

into that plum jam again!

Pris Campbell

(1,0,1) = 4 pts

plum pudding

the cosiness

of my unborn child

Katrina Shepherd

(0,1,2) = 4 pts

ray of light

through plum wine

stained glass

me

(0,1,2) = 4 pts

side by side

two plums, one bitter

one sweet

Neil Muscott

(0,1,2) = 4 pts

in spite of its name

the old plum tree not nearly

vertical

Paul O. Williams

(0,1,2) = 4 pts

I like the ingenuity of this one but think it would be better to break L2 after 'tree'.

forgotten Christmas lights

plum tree branches

continue to shine

Harvey Jenkins

(0,0,4) = 4 pts

beautiful neighbor

a taste of ripe plums

in her orchard

Norsto

(0,0,4) = 4 pts

3 points

for the new owner

bearing fruit for the first time

my little plum tree

marlène Buitelaar

(1,0,0) = 3 pts

snow day —

there's the plum tree

at the bus stop

Ami

(1,0,0) = 3 pts

winter plum

under its branches

she stands tall

Beth Powell

(0,1,1) = 3 pts

granny passed away

mold on plum jam surface

reflects moonlight

Boris Nazansky

(0,1,1) = 3 pts

December beach

the last bits of flesh

from a plum stone

paul m.

(0,1,1) = 3 pts

tiny plum buds

on leafless stems

lost in heavy freeze

Jim Applegate

(0,1,1) = 3 pts

winterstorm —

the place of a plum stone

under the snow

Li Ree

(0,1,1) = 3 pts

plum wine

our guests order

a third

citygirl

(0,1,1) = 3 pts

village in the hills…

the vendor gives me

a plum to taste

K. Ramesh

(0,1,1) = 3 pts

From this one moment I can imagine the whole travel experience myself. Well done!

plums fall

from the tree …

purple rain

Mary Davila

(0,1,1) = 3 pts

new plum-brandy —

the host doesn't reveal

all his secrets

Tom Maretic

(0,0,3) = 3 pts

making plum jam —

two stems and a leaf are

well cooked too

Isabelle Prondzynski

(0,0,3) = 3 pts

This is sweet in its specificity.

I like it when the poet can bring humor to the piece without straying into senryu territory.

Comments in general:

discovering

among the plums

William's poem

So many good ones to choose from this month!

Free Format Theme:

Short Days

First Place -- 43 points

afternoon tea

dusk settling softly

into corners

Frances McCarthy

(3,11,12) = 43 pts

I like the way tea time and waning light both work 'softly' to relax the time of day and tea takers.

A beauty!

This one feels as though early dusk foreshadows the drawing closer of the end of life.

Captures the essence of a moment: subtle and complex.

Second Place -- 28 points

winter day the candle burned flat

w. f. owen

(2,6,10) = 28 pts

Topic and format in harmony.

The haiku format I call "One Breath" is perfect for the 'short day' theme.

winter day —

the paperboy one house

ahead of dusk

Irene Golas

(1,3,19) = 28 pts

Again we have a sense of fleeing from the oncoming dark. L1 is possibly a bit 'throw away' as the time and season are carried in L2 and L3. L1 might be used to say something else.

A glimpse of the human condition: one house ahead of the dusk is about the best any of us can do.

I like the phrasing at the end of this. Of course, there aren't too many afternoon newspapers left in the world.

Third Place -- 26 points

crushed

between two nights —

winter day

Dejan Pavlinovic

(2,5,10) = 26 pts

18 points

the talk

we had to have

~ early dusk

Paul Hodder

(2,3,6) = 18 pts

afternoon coffee

scrap of the moon

in my cup

Norsto

(1,4,7) = 18 pts

17 points

winter solstice —

shadows chase children

home from school

bre:^)

(1,1,12) = 17 pts

Here shadows are almost personified though the metaphorical meaning is clear enough. Somehow for me it reads somewhat amusingly: get those little scamps off the street and home for their homework and supper. Not so much temptation to linger when it's cold and dark.

13 points

5 o'clock shadow

night swallows

the barberpole

Roberta Beary

(1,2,6) = 13 pts

12 points

he sleeps

the cancer moved to his brain

shorter days

kawazu

(2,3,0) = 12 pts

chill morning

the walk to work

under street lights

Bill Hudson

(1,1,7) = 12 pts

11 points

framing daylight

the comings and goings

of winter crows

tom painting

(0,1,9) = 11 pts

skiing home

shadows lengthen

across the trail

Beth Powell

(0,2,7) = 11 pts

Light, shadow, movement powerfully fused.

sunlight at last

an ice flower blooms

on the windowpane

RaV

(0,2,7) = 11 pts

This one grew on me... I came back to it and appreciated it more the second time. Slow blooming.

10 points

long night —

I try to find my clothes

among hers

majka

(1,2,3) = 10 pts

how long this

short day is!

without you…

Tanya Dikova

(1,0,7) = 10 pts

It's been said a million times, but that doesn't make it any less true, and this seems well said.

9 points

early dusk

my father puts on the jersey

inside out

Jacek M.

(0,1,7) = 9 pts

8 points

early dusk. . .

an inch of snow

on a half inch branch

paul m.

(1,2,1) = 8 pts

This one is almost pleasantly sing-song in cadence as the snow doubles the girth of the branch. An interesting observation.

winter blues

the short day a cadence

of jazz notes

john tiong chunghoo

(1,1,3) = 8 pts

7 points

short days —

a new get well card

beside the bed

Laurene

(1,1,2) = 7 pts

winter

the geranium drops leaves

on the window sill

Carmel Lively Westerman

(0,2,3) = 7 pts

too late

for sunset

rush hour

Bill Kenney

(0,1,5) = 7 pts

6 points

clocking out

commuting home

my face in the window

Ben Gieske

(1,1,1) = 6 pts

Aging eyes

loathe

shorter days

Yositaka

(1,0,3) = 6 pts

first-term exams —

waiting in the dark

for her school bus

Susan Constable

(1,0,3) = 6 pts

never seeing

the light of day -

January rain

Mike Montreuil

(0,2,2) = 6 pts

early darkness . . .

the candle will not last

the night

Carol Raisfeld

(0,2,2) = 6 pts

houseplants

each leaf turned

to the winter light

Neil Muscott

(0,1,4) = 6 pts

Plants making the most of whatever light they can absorb. Though they do this any season we especially notice it on short days, and this could also be leaves turning toward artificial light after sundown.

shorter days

the electric bill

is growing…

Sjs

(0,1,4) = 6 pts

5 points

Christmas break over

first graders play flashlight tag

at the school bus stop

Edward

(1,1,0) = 5 pts

the buddha's shadow

fades at the stroke of four

chilly afternoon

Pris Campbell

(1,1,0) = 5 pts

dusk again…

the shutters

remain shut

Helen Buckingham

(1,0,2) = 5 pts

watercolourhours

a pair of swans erase

the horizon

Jon Espen Vassbotn

(0,2,1) = 5 pts

tiptoeing in high heels

my new sweater

inside out

Terra Martin

(0,2,1) = 5 pts

toiling away

whenever I look up —

the moon

miriam chaikin

(0,1,3) = 5 pts

fleeting sunset

the snow and I

steal color

George Hawkins

(0,1,3) = 5 pts

morning coffee —

a sheer darkness

of the window glass

Kala Ramesh

(0,1,3) = 5 pts

4 points

afternoon stroll —

walking into

the sunset

Pia Sosua

(0,1,2) = 4 pts

home from school —

spinning a bike wheel

in the shed

Beverley George

(0,1,2) = 4 pts

dark morning —

boys go single file

through the snow

Marylouise Knight

(0,1,2) = 4 pts

Another suggestive image: that line goes on and on.

frigid dawn

the sun and I both

linger in bed

MJHill

(0,1,2) = 4 pts

shorter days

the scent of smoke

in my grandson's hair

Jerzy Malysz

(0,0,4) = 4 pts

Another pleasant entry. For me the season here is more that of fall when leaves are burnt though it's possible that the wind may have swept chimney smoke across the boy at another time of coldness. It has a pleasant rhythm.

short days —

the way home

the same

miorita

(0,0,4) = 4 pts

3 points

unsnowy day —

kids play hide and seek

hiding in the twilight

Dorota Pyra

(1,0,0) = 3 pts

sunset

long before dinner …

I take a nap

Ella Wagemakers

(0,1,1) = 3 pts

morning paper

thuds into darkness

driveway ice

Ann K. Schwader

(0,1,1) = 3 pts

winter morning

the new teacher's jacket

just like her father's

Petar Tchouhov

(0,1,1) = 3 pts

short winter romance —

a dinner and then a breakfast

in candlelight

Elena Naskova

(0,0,3) = 3 pts

short day —

contrail of a southbound jet

still in sunlight

Michael Dylan Welch

(0,0,3) = 3 pts

short days —

longer night chats

at the pub

Tom Maretic

(0,0,3) = 3 pts

early dark

carrying in the night's

ration of wood

Francine Banwarth

(0,0,3) = 3 pts

My woodpile had to last all winter, so I feel this rationing as a sense of potential warmth weighed against expected cold. The heaviness of the logs comes through.

Comments in general:

The best in this month's group are very good indeed.

…some haiku really didn't convey to me what we were asked to express, so this becomes an opportunity for a learning experience for us all.