Congratulations to Audrey Downey, winner of our Kigo section and to Frances McCarthy, winner of our Free Format section!
January 2008 Results
Kigo Theme:
Plum
First Place -- 42 points
ink brush
so many ways to draw
a plum blossom
Audrey Downey
(3,8,17) = 42 pts
The moment just before the beginning, full of uncertainties and possibilities.
Second Place -- 27 points
into winter ~
the empty plum tree
and I
Paul Hodder
(0,7,13) = 27 pts
I love the stark simplicity of this one.
The plum tree and the haijin coincide, but each with a hope for future blossom?
Third Place -- 22 points
plum pudding
an old friend warms
a cold night
Jo McInerney
(1,4,11) = 22 pts
21 points
deep winter —
breaking the seal
on a jar of plum jam
tom painting
(1,3,12) = 21 pts
A strong moment. I would have scored it higher if line 1 had been line 3, but that's probably just me.
I like the tension between the "locked in" feeling of deep winter and the breaking of the seal.
Nice evocation of scent without "telling". There were several last jars of plum jam but this one captures a sense of how we try to seal ourselves away from the winter season.
16 points
all that remains
of the tree by my gate
this pickled plum
Barbara Snow
(1,1,11) = 16 pts
13 points
plum branches
in bloom . . .
baby's first kick
Alice Frampton
(0,3,7) = 13 pts
12 points
three year drought
the scream of a chainsaw
in the plum orchard
Edward
(1,2,5) = 12 pts
`Scream' is an evocative word and well-placed here. I'm not sure that the season is clear as a dead tree can be cut at any time of the year. Still it's a strong seasonless haiku.
11 points
winter wind
blowing away thoughts
of plum blossom
Jon Baldwin
(2,0,5) = 11 pts
One of those times when season and weather don't coincide, we've all shared this dashed hope of spring.
window light
the dancing edges
of still-life plums
George Hawkins
(0,4,3) = 11 pts
evening breeze …
plum petals flee
the Buddha's ear
Carol Raisfeld
(0,1,9) = 11 pts
An interesting (if slightly forced) image, as I don't see why the 'ear' more than any other body part, or in fact what cause to 'flee' the Buddha at all as they actually would 'sail past' wouldn't they?
10 points
a sparrow flock
settles upon gray limbs--
plum's winter leaves
Sherry Weaver Smith
(1,1,5) = 10 pts
plum kimono
worn bravely against
white mornings
Ruth Powell
(0,4,2) = 10 pts
ice storm:
the builder's plum-line
still in mid
s
w
i
n
g
Ron Moss
(0,3,4) = 10 pts
9 points
plum pudding
on her new Christmas apron
the first purple stain
bre:^)
(1,2,2) = 9 pts
the taste of
sour plum a spring later —
no regrets
Elena Naskova
(1,1,4) = 9 pts
Tells a story which the reader can only guess. I like the bitter- sweet taste of that story.
dreams dangling
from bare branches
plum blossoms
Judith Gorgone
(0,2,5) = 9 pts
8 points
fruit vendor —
throws a plum
at a stray dog
Kala Ramesh
(1,2,1) = 8 pts
snowed in —
a dob of plum jam
on each pancake
Susan Constable
(1,0,5) = 8 pts
tumbling
in rain
plum blossom
Roberta Beary
(0,3,2) = 8 pts
fresh plums
the way she rubs
the sheen off
RaV
(0,3,2) = 8 pts
snowbound
slowly spreading plum jam
with my father's knife
Petar Tchouhov
(0,3,2) = 8 pts
plum-blossom petals
stippling the silent pond
chilly rain
Catherine J.S. Lee
(0,1,6) = 8 pts
blossoming plum
baby girl lifts
her skirt to dance
john tiong chunghoo
(0,1,6) = 8 pts
This one rests solidly on the symbolic relationship between blossoms and human feminine childhood as well on the visual likeness of a blossom to a skirt.
7 points
droning teacher…
students' eyes focus
on plum blossoms
Nancy Smith
(1,1,2) = 7 pts
this is just to say
the plums in the icebox
are for breakfast
Bill Kenney
(0,2,3) = 7 pts
on her lips
plum-flavored lipstick
… winter evening
Ella Wagemakers
(0,1,5) = 7 pts
That'll take your mind off the cold. Taste the color.
overripe plum —
another phone call
unanswered
Laurene
(0,1,5) = 7 pts
6 points
ice in the plum trees
she's out there
talking to the stars
Francine Banwarth
(1,0,3) = 6 pts
art class —
picking the right plum
for a nipple
ash of moth
(0,2,2) = 6 pts
Art = nature + artifice.
budding plum blossoms
first ikebana arrangement
of the New Year
Nancy Nitrio
(0,1,4) = 6 pts
Though I didn't consider actual plum blossom to be quite appropriate for this season - according to Bill Higginson "looking for plum blossom" is the early spring kigo - this budding branch is especially brought indoors to force into bloom for a New Year arrangement. This makes it a rare delight.
branches
bowing low -
the weight of ripe plums
Pia Sosua
(0,1,4) = 6 pts
dusty sunset —
the hawker's wheelbarrow
still full of red plums
Patrick
(0,1,4) = 6 pts
last jar
of mother's plum jelly
morning snow
Ann K. Schwader
(0,0,6) = 6 pts
5 points
old garden
with flowering plum tree …
scent of spring
Jacek M.
(0,2,1) = 5 pts
dried plums
I rest with a hand
on my belly
Meredith Stern Cavalieri
(0,2,1) = 5 pts
plum sauce —
the last eggroll
shared
Mike Montreuil
(0,1,3) = 5 pts
the plum's curve
fits my palm —
her chilling words
Michael Dylan Welch
(0,1,3) = 5 pts
The thought of a plum to throw is so strong for me here I wish that L3 were first to give it a logically linear thrust. Even though cause and effect are not to be sought or explained in haiku, I feel they can sometimes be used to advantage.
4 points
picking plums
her dress
the very same shade
kawazu
(1,0,1) = 4 pts
my dog's nose
glows in the dark —
into that plum jam again!
Pris Campbell
(1,0,1) = 4 pts
plum pudding
the cosiness
of my unborn child
Katrina Shepherd
(0,1,2) = 4 pts
ray of light
through plum wine
stained glass
me
(0,1,2) = 4 pts
side by side
two plums, one bitter
one sweet
Neil Muscott
(0,1,2) = 4 pts
in spite of its name
the old plum tree not nearly
vertical
Paul O. Williams
(0,1,2) = 4 pts
I like the ingenuity of this one but think it would be better to break L2 after 'tree'.
forgotten Christmas lights
plum tree branches
continue to shine
Harvey Jenkins
(0,0,4) = 4 pts
beautiful neighbor
a taste of ripe plums
in her orchard
Norsto
(0,0,4) = 4 pts
3 points
for the new owner
bearing fruit for the first time
my little plum tree
marlène Buitelaar
(1,0,0) = 3 pts
snow day —
there's the plum tree
at the bus stop
Ami
(1,0,0) = 3 pts
winter plum
under its branches
she stands tall
Beth Powell
(0,1,1) = 3 pts
granny passed away
mold on plum jam surface
reflects moonlight
Boris Nazansky
(0,1,1) = 3 pts
December beach
the last bits of flesh
from a plum stone
paul m.
(0,1,1) = 3 pts
tiny plum buds
on leafless stems
lost in heavy freeze
Jim Applegate
(0,1,1) = 3 pts
winterstorm —
the place of a plum stone
under the snow
Li Ree
(0,1,1) = 3 pts
plum wine
our guests order
a third
citygirl
(0,1,1) = 3 pts
village in the hills…
the vendor gives me
a plum to taste
K. Ramesh
(0,1,1) = 3 pts
From this one moment I can imagine the whole travel experience myself. Well done!
plums fall
from the tree …
purple rain
Mary Davila
(0,1,1) = 3 pts
new plum-brandy —
the host doesn't reveal
all his secrets
Tom Maretic
(0,0,3) = 3 pts
making plum jam —
two stems and a leaf are
well cooked too
Isabelle Prondzynski
(0,0,3) = 3 pts
This is sweet in its specificity.
I like it when the poet can bring humor to the piece without straying into senryu territory.
Comments in general:
discovering
among the plums
William's poem
So many good ones to choose from this month!
Free Format Theme:
Short Days
First Place -- 43 points
afternoon tea
dusk settling softly
into corners
Frances McCarthy
(3,11,12) = 43 pts
I like the way tea time and waning light both work 'softly' to relax the time of day and tea takers.
A beauty!
This one feels as though early dusk foreshadows the drawing closer of the end of life.
Captures the essence of a moment: subtle and complex.
Second Place -- 28 points
winter day the candle burned flat
w. f. owen
(2,6,10) = 28 pts
Topic and format in harmony.
The haiku format I call "One Breath" is perfect for the 'short day' theme.
winter day —
the paperboy one house
ahead of dusk
Irene Golas
(1,3,19) = 28 pts
Again we have a sense of fleeing from the oncoming dark. L1 is possibly a bit 'throw away' as the time and season are carried in L2 and L3. L1 might be used to say something else.
A glimpse of the human condition: one house ahead of the dusk is about the best any of us can do.
I like the phrasing at the end of this. Of course, there aren't too many afternoon newspapers left in the world.
Third Place -- 26 points
crushed
between two nights —
winter day
Dejan Pavlinovic
(2,5,10) = 26 pts
18 points
the talk
we had to have
~ early dusk
Paul Hodder
(2,3,6) = 18 pts
afternoon coffee
scrap of the moon
in my cup
Norsto
(1,4,7) = 18 pts
17 points
winter solstice —
shadows chase children
home from school
bre:^)
(1,1,12) = 17 pts
Here shadows are almost personified though the metaphorical meaning is clear enough. Somehow for me it reads somewhat amusingly: get those little scamps off the street and home for their homework and supper. Not so much temptation to linger when it's cold and dark.
13 points
5 o'clock shadow
night swallows
the barberpole
Roberta Beary
(1,2,6) = 13 pts
12 points
he sleeps
the cancer moved to his brain
shorter days
kawazu
(2,3,0) = 12 pts
chill morning
the walk to work
under street lights
Bill Hudson
(1,1,7) = 12 pts
11 points
framing daylight
the comings and goings
of winter crows
tom painting
(0,1,9) = 11 pts
skiing home
shadows lengthen
across the trail
Beth Powell
(0,2,7) = 11 pts
Light, shadow, movement powerfully fused.
sunlight at last
an ice flower blooms
on the windowpane
RaV
(0,2,7) = 11 pts
This one grew on me... I came back to it and appreciated it more the second time. Slow blooming.
10 points
long night —
I try to find my clothes
among hers
majka
(1,2,3) = 10 pts
how long this
short day is!
without you…
Tanya Dikova
(1,0,7) = 10 pts
It's been said a million times, but that doesn't make it any less true, and this seems well said.
9 points
early dusk
my father puts on the jersey
inside out
Jacek M.
(0,1,7) = 9 pts
8 points
early dusk. . .
an inch of snow
on a half inch branch
paul m.
(1,2,1) = 8 pts
This one is almost pleasantly sing-song in cadence as the snow doubles the girth of the branch. An interesting observation.
winter blues
the short day a cadence
of jazz notes
john tiong chunghoo
(1,1,3) = 8 pts
7 points
short days —
a new get well card
beside the bed
Laurene
(1,1,2) = 7 pts
winter
the geranium drops leaves
on the window sill
Carmel Lively Westerman
(0,2,3) = 7 pts
too late
for sunset
rush hour
Bill Kenney
(0,1,5) = 7 pts
6 points
clocking out
commuting home
my face in the window
Ben Gieske
(1,1,1) = 6 pts
Aging eyes
loathe
shorter days
Yositaka
(1,0,3) = 6 pts
first-term exams —
waiting in the dark
for her school bus
Susan Constable
(1,0,3) = 6 pts
never seeing
the light of day -
January rain
Mike Montreuil
(0,2,2) = 6 pts
early darkness . . .
the candle will not last
the night
Carol Raisfeld
(0,2,2) = 6 pts
houseplants
each leaf turned
to the winter light
Neil Muscott
(0,1,4) = 6 pts
Plants making the most of whatever light they can absorb. Though they do this any season we especially notice it on short days, and this could also be leaves turning toward artificial light after sundown.
shorter days
the electric bill
is growing…
Sjs
(0,1,4) = 6 pts
5 points
Christmas break over
first graders play flashlight tag
at the school bus stop
Edward
(1,1,0) = 5 pts
the buddha's shadow
fades at the stroke of four
chilly afternoon
Pris Campbell
(1,1,0) = 5 pts
dusk again…
the shutters
remain shut
Helen Buckingham
(1,0,2) = 5 pts
watercolourhours
a pair of swans erase
the horizon
Jon Espen Vassbotn
(0,2,1) = 5 pts
tiptoeing in high heels
my new sweater
inside out
Terra Martin
(0,2,1) = 5 pts
toiling away
whenever I look up —
the moon
miriam chaikin
(0,1,3) = 5 pts
fleeting sunset
the snow and I
steal color
George Hawkins
(0,1,3) = 5 pts
morning coffee —
a sheer darkness
of the window glass
Kala Ramesh
(0,1,3) = 5 pts
4 points
afternoon stroll —
walking into
the sunset
Pia Sosua
(0,1,2) = 4 pts
home from school —
spinning a bike wheel
in the shed
Beverley George
(0,1,2) = 4 pts
dark morning —
boys go single file
through the snow
Marylouise Knight
(0,1,2) = 4 pts
Another suggestive image: that line goes on and on.
frigid dawn
the sun and I both
linger in bed
MJHill
(0,1,2) = 4 pts
shorter days
the scent of smoke
in my grandson's hair
Jerzy Malysz
(0,0,4) = 4 pts
Another pleasant entry. For me the season here is more that of fall when leaves are burnt though it's possible that the wind may have swept chimney smoke across the boy at another time of coldness. It has a pleasant rhythm.
short days —
the way home
the same
miorita
(0,0,4) = 4 pts
3 points
unsnowy day —
kids play hide and seek
hiding in the twilight
Dorota Pyra
(1,0,0) = 3 pts
sunset
long before dinner …
I take a nap
Ella Wagemakers
(0,1,1) = 3 pts
morning paper
thuds into darkness
driveway ice
Ann K. Schwader
(0,1,1) = 3 pts
winter morning
the new teacher's jacket
just like her father's
Petar Tchouhov
(0,1,1) = 3 pts
short winter romance —
a dinner and then a breakfast
in candlelight
Elena Naskova
(0,0,3) = 3 pts
short day —
contrail of a southbound jet
still in sunlight
Michael Dylan Welch
(0,0,3) = 3 pts
short days —
longer night chats
at the pub
Tom Maretic
(0,0,3) = 3 pts
early dark
carrying in the night's
ration of wood
Francine Banwarth
(0,0,3) = 3 pts
My woodpile had to last all winter, so I feel this rationing as a sense of potential warmth weighed against expected cold. The heaviness of the logs comes through.
Comments in general:
The best in this month's group are very good indeed.
…some haiku really didn't convey to me what we were asked to express, so this becomes an opportunity for a learning experience for us all.