Congratulations to Elena Naskova and Melissa Spurr, winners of our Kigo section and to Janice Hornburg, winner of our Free Format section!
December 2008 Results
Kigo Theme:
Hare or Rabbit
First Place – Thirty Points
no one called
she gently dusts
her porcelain rabbits
Elena Naskova
(3,8,5) = 30 Pts
The implied loneliness enhanced rather than diminished by the routine is poignant.
dawn
a jackrabbit springs
from stillness
Melissa
(2,7,10) = 30 Pts
Great image!
As though the sun were its green light to GO...
Line 1 might make a stronger contribution.
Second Place – Twenty-one Points
warm December day
the cottontail feasts
on the snowman's fallen nose
Terri L. French
(1,4,10) = 21 Pts
Ha! Poor snowman. Very well done!
Third Place – Eighteen Points
winter garden —
among the beets a quiver
of rabbit ears Nancy Smith
(1,4,7) = 18 Pts
Without mentioning any hue, this builds a vividly colorful picture for me.
a harvest moon
the rabbit nibbles a new path
through the garden
Edward
(1,3,9) = 18 Pts
I can just see him nosing quietly by the light of the moon. A nice simple moment. I like the use of nibbles as a moving forward verb.
Looks like the rabbit is doing his own harvesting. Nice one.
Would be stronger without "a" in line 1 and "new" in line 2.
an owl's feather
marks the hare's last track —
midwinter night
Janice Hornburg
(0,5,8) = 18 Pts
An uh-oh moment!
Fourth Place – Seventeen Points
a startled hare
moonlight leaps
from track to track
George Hawkins
(1,3,8) = 17 Pts
The movement in this one is wonderful.
shadow puppets —
all of this rabbit's life
in my hands
Dorota Pyra
(1,3,8) = 17 Pts
Haven't we all done this? A thumb knuckle for a twitchy nose!
Interesting and original though not seasonal.
So very perfect, and another subtle seasonal reference.
Fifth Place – Sixteen Points
fall harvest
she throws the last carrot
to the rabbit
Carmel Lively Westerman
(0,2,12) = 16 Pts
At first I did not detect a seasonal reference...fine performance!
A sense of finality; humdrum, but the best of the month.
Sixth Place – Fifteen Points
rabbit tracks
in solstice light . . .
craters of the moon
Bill Pauly
(1,2,8) = 15 Pts
rising moon . . .
the white flash
of a hare's tail
Susan Constable
(0,3,9) = 15 Pts
"white" might have remained implicit.
The moon and the rabbit tail echo each other with contrast.
Seventh Place – Thirteen Points
rabbit
and kitten
touching white whiskers
Paul O. Williams
(2,2,3) = 13 Pts
midwinter —
I turn the rabbit ears
from V to L
Collin Barber
(1,3,4) = 13 Pts
falling snow —
rabbit tracks end
at the road
jt
(0,2,9) = 13 Pts
I'm tempted to ask "Why are you telling me this?"
Eighth Place – Eleven Points
empty snowy field
the scarecrow
points to a hare
Lech Szeglowski
(1,1,6) = 11 Pts
This is the moment I think most likely to stay with me over the course of the coming weeks.
childhood dreams —
looking for a rabbit
in the moon
Sunil Uniyal
(0,4,3) = 11 Pts
Ninth Place – Ten Points
mid winter stars
the frozen orbits
of the snowshoe's eyes
Garry Eaton
(1,2,3) = 10 Pts
This is so sad, and poignant; the universe's grandeur against the life and death cycle on earth.
thin soup —
till
a hare
Lin Geary
(1,1,5) = 10 Pts
a rabbit’s foot
mixed in with the cut hay...
bad luck
Kilah C
(0,3,4) = 10 Pts
Strange superstition, wonderful haiku.
a thin crust of snow —
the jackrabbit
freezes and listens
DeVar
(0,3,4) = 10 Pts
Tenth Place – Nine Points
no rabbits
at the magic show
my missing scarf
Deborah P Kolodji
(2,0,3,) = 9 Pts
Eleventh Place – Eight Points
quiet winter trail
the giant hare there
and not there
Bruce Ross
(1,1,3) = 8 Pts
Perhaps. A bit zen...like one which scored well last month.
taxi rank
the fancy-dress rabbit
fumbles for his watch
Helen Buckingham
(0,3,2) = 8 Pts
Shade's of Alice's Wonderland rabbit.
The humor in this one is great, for me, a blending of the white rabbit from Alice books and the Playboy bunny.
Twelfth Place – Seven Points
fresh snow
a snowshoe hare's tracks
quilt the pine grove
Catherine J.S. Lee
(0,2,3) = 7 Pts
preschool tour
the caged rabbit
keeps watch
Roberta Beary
(0,2,3) = 7 Pts
Thirteenth Place – Six Points
moon over the snow
a candle burning
for our dead white rabbit
helge t.
(1,1,1) = 6 Pts
last page
on the calendar
rabbits footprint the snow
Francine Banwarth
(1,1,1) = 6 Pts
wolf moon —
a rabbit hops into
the scarecrow's hat
ARW
(1,1,1) = 6 Pts
cocktail party —
the rabbit necklace
leaps her cleavage
aom (tim)
(1,0,3) = 6 Pts
below the holly
a shadow moved
snow-hare
bre
(0,2,2) = 6 Pts
hares calligraphy-
patterns of moonshadows
on the snow
jon espen vassbotn
(0,2,2) = 6 Pts
the taxidermist's
successful rabbit season:
— the walls have ears
George Hazard
(0,1,4) = 6 Pts
Very clever!
Fourteenth Place – Five Points
chased by a hunter
the rabbit
rubbed his foot
1bodhisattva
(0,2,1) = 5 Pts
full moon desert
the sagebrush hare
darts from his shadow
Michelle Chandler
(0,2,1) = 5 Pts
first snow
rabbit tracks appear
mid trail
Michelle V. Alkerton
(0,1,3) = 5 Pts
Could they do something more forceful than "appear"?
rolling snow ...
covering tracks
of rabbits
renaye
(0,1,3) = 5 Pts
Fifteenth Place – Four Points
morning sun
a white rabbit darts
across the snow field
Tore Sverredal
(0,2,0) = 4 Pts
white hare
on the country road
— autumn's end
Jacek M.
(0,1,2) = 4 Pts
garden
with rabbit trap
a balanced meal
Bill Hudson
(0,1,2) = 4 Pts
still form
in hedge dusk
the watching hare
Frances McCarthy
(0,1,2) = 4 Pts
the rabbit
vanishes behind
a veil of snow
Marylouise Knight
(0,1,2) = 4 Pts
by the icy pond
just a round hare, and its reflection
in the sky
Anne Zooey Lind
(0,1,2) = 4 Pts
My favorite of all the haiku suggesting the rabbit in the moon.
early snowfall —
my leaf piles now graced
with rabbit tracks
Shelley Krause
(0,1,2) = 4 Pts
snow on snow
on the path between us —
hare tracks
Li Ree
(0,1,2) = 4 Pts
Sixteenth Place – Three Points
frost-struck fields —
hares dance
through a smouldering dawn
jon davey
(1,0,0) = 3 Pts
peace talk —
the rabbit's ears
fall down
Rita Odeh
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts
a rabbit in the patch
leaps out
a strawberry missing
Stella
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts
the rabbit
in the moon hides
in earth's shadow
Gene Doty
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts
lazy day . . .
the tortoise slowly passes
a sleeping hare
Carol Raisfeld
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts
chilly dawn —
a rabbit tail runs away
into the darkness
Grzegorz Sionkowski
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts
This creates a vivid visual, although I think a different verb, such as 'bounces', might be more effective.
her furry hands
hop along the pew —
rabbit skin mitts
andrea
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts
basking in sunlight
the leveret
becomes a hare
A.M. Scarpone
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts
owl-light
the tracks
of a hare
tom painting
(0,0,3) = 3 Pts
urban hare —
in the neighborhood
nibbling grass
terrytip
(0,0,3) = 3 Pts
a rabbit books it
across the library lawn
exam week
Agnes Eva Savich
(0,0,3) = 3 Pts
ducking
under the porch
last year's easter bunny
doris kasson
(0,0,3) = 3 Pts
Moonlit snow
hare and dog
then only dog
yositaka
(0,0,3) = 3 Pts
in a hurry
across December's first snow
a rabbit's tracks
Jeff Hanson
(0,0,3) = 3 Pts
snow hare
only it's tracks
give it away
Meredith Stern Cavalieri
(0,0,3) = 3 Pts
on the garden walk
only the track of a hare —
sipping hot tea
John Daleiden
(0,0,3) = 3 Pts
General comments:
Perhaps it's 'in the eyes of the beholder' but I had trouble assigning any points to the kigo section as 'rabbit or hare' seems to have netted work that tends toward 'whahoppened', 'so what' or forced. Not sure why.
As a whole, the rabbit/hare poems seemed less than satisfying. So many had mixed kigo, and more than a few included grammatical oddities.
Free Format Theme:
The Night
First Place – Forty-three Points
sleepless night —
the moon shifts
from pane to pane
Janice Hornburg
(2,8,21) = 43 Pts
And from pain to pain...I'm having nights like that.
I really love the implied association with the homophone, 'pain.' This is a lovely haiku.
Second Place – Twenty-eight Points
moonless night
the wind whistles into
an empty bottle
Tanya Dikova
(2,7,8) = 28 Pts
I feel the length and loneliness of the night in this.
It seems that the bottle here, beyond being just 'empty,' becomes a vessel that holds the vast and infinite emptiness of nighttime. Well done.
Ooh, nice one. Has a very classic feel.
Truly evocative: Night, the wind, the world in a bottle. Empty? Hardly.
The implications of this one are sad and lonely but very effectively expressed.
night
settles on the city
starling by starling
Kilah C
(1,7,11) = 28 Pts
Yes! That's just the way it happens!
I really like this quiet imagery. Original and effective.
Third Place – Twenty-five Points
the night splits
into before and after
the phone call
Barbara Snow
(1,4,14) = 25 Pts
Certain phone calls will do that. I like the tension that runs through this poem, from the first line to the last.
Fourth Place – Twenty-three Points
moonless night
the jasmine's fragrance
leads me home
Jacek M.
(0,7,9) = 23 Pts
Fifth Place – Sixteen Points
silent night
the child moves
inside her
Josh Wikoff
(0,3,10) = 16 Pts
The seasonal reference has real force because it is so simple and yet radiant with meanings.
Sixth Place – Fifteen Points
stars
long after the death
of a bonfire
Collin Barber
(0,4,7) = 15 Pts
Seventh Place – Thirteen Points
the rain that stopped
has started again . . .
the long night
Bill Kenney
(2,2,3) = 13 Pts
Such loneliness in so few syllables.
winter night, another long train slowly passes
Laurene Post
(0,2,9) = 13 Pts
The form compliments this one nicely.
The one-line format fits very well here. Wonderful!
Great simplicity, symmetry, and chemistry between the two things juxtaposed.
Eighth Place – Twelve Points
between street lamps
the rise and fall
of my shadow
Agnes Eva Savich
(0,1,10) = 12 Pts
A rhythmic, wave-like effect to this progression as one lamp releases the tall shadow to the next, then the shadow shrinks as it nears each lamp only to grow again. Energy and even moods are also rather like this. Very evocative.
Ninth Place – Eleven Points
cold night . . .
submerging cabbage hearts
in the soup pot
Michael McClintock
(0,2,7) = 11 Pts
Tenth Place – Ten Points
howl of a dog
empties the night
of silence
Michelle V. Alkerton
(0,2,6) = 10 Pts
rainy night —
with every step
moon under my feet
Katarzyna Predota
(0,1,8) = 10 Pts
Eleventh Place – Nine Points
goodnight kiss
he takes
his time
Roberta Beary
(0,3,3) = 9 Pts
Slight, perhaps, but well-crafted, with an eloquent (and elegant) break at the end of line 2.
my secret crush
our shadows touch
in the moonlight
Meredith Stern Cavalieri
(0,2,5) = 9 Pts
That's really sweet!
moonless night —
her face in the glow
of the cellphone screen
Mykel Board
(0,2,5) = 9 Pts
A well-written 21st century haiku.
A nice surprise as well as a reflection (a punning image!)
Contrasts the depth of a night's darkness in a fresh way.
Twelfth Place – Eight Points
2 a.m.
barefoot at the window
watching the snow
April Serock
(0,2,4) = 8 Pts
long night
my eyes strain
the personals
tom painting
(0,1,6) = 8 Pts
nightfall
mountains near and far
become one
Melissa Spurr
(0,1,6) = 8 Pts
stillness
the night after
he left for war
Carmel Lively Westerman
(0,1,6) = 8 Pts
Thirteenth Place – Seven Points
imagine a haiku written
28 years ago this night
John Lennon's death
1bodhisattva
(2,0,1) = 7 Pts
night in the valley —
I follow
the shepherd's call
Gosia Zamorska
(1,1,2) = 7 Pts
silent night
the holiness of trees
in wet snow
George Hawkins
(1,0,4) = 7 Pts
moonless night
all shadows
disappeared
Derwisz
(0,2,3) = 7 Pts
first snowfall —
newborn sleeps through
the night
Leslie Montgomery
(0,1,5) = 7 Pts
I remember that first night. Unfortunately, I still laid awake . . . listening.
I love the comfort the blanket of snow brings.
Fourteenth Place – Six Points
longest night —
the Pleiades unwind
their string of lights
Shelley Krause
(1,1,1) = 6 Pts
A nice winter sky image.
a snowy owl
cries from the cedars ...
the night deepens
Bridget Cougar
(0,1,4) = 6 Pts
wake —
how he'd talk
of the stars above the foxhole
aom (tim)
(0,1,4) = 6 Pts
winter night
the harbour light blinks
across the ice
Beth Powell
(0,0,6) = 6 Pts
autumn night
only the rustle of leaves
of an old novel
Dorota Pyra
(0,0,6) = 6 Pts
Fifteenth Place – Five Points
Quite alone
wandering through the polar night...
the lodestar
Vasile Moldovan
(1,0,2) = 5 Pts
the old furnace
creaks and groans
comforting bumps in the night
Bill Hudson
(0,1,3) = 5 Pts
A comforting sound on a cold winter's night.
autumn leaves —
the last bus departs
almost empty
Israel Lopez Balan
(0,1,3) = 5 Pts
The gap between the set-up (line 1) and payoff (lines 2-3) leaves the reader just enough to do.
drizzly night —
tiny stars dance
on my glasses
Isabelle Prondzynski
(0,1,3) = 5 Pts
the long night
regular start/stop
of the fridge motor
if
(0,0,5) = 5 Pts
3 a.m.
last night the silence
tonight the rain
Kate Creighton
(0,0,5) = 5 Pts
Sixteenth Place – Four Points
steep canyon walls
with each rumble of thunder
the night feels longer
Edward
(0,2,0) = 4 Pts
spring night —
frogs outshine
the stars
John Soules
(0,1,2) = 4 Pts
his words linger
all night the patter of rain
on the window
polona
(0,1,2) = 4 Pts
embracing father
for the final time —
old moon in the new moon's arms
jon davey
(0,1,2) = 4 Pts
city night
last-minute shoppers jostle
the homeless man's cart
Catherine J.S. Lee
(0,1,2) = 4 Pts
A sad commentary. What is Christmas without charity and compassion for our fellow man?
And I read "cart" as "shopping cart." Why say everything?
arguing
again
long
cold
night
Sjs
(0,0,4) = 4 Pts
Seventeenth Place – Three Points
heading to work
a raccoon's brief shadow
under the old moon
Harvey Jenkins
(1,0,0) = 3 Pts
Holy Night...
twinkling stars nestled
among the branches
Dejan Pavlinovic
(1,0,0) = 3 Pts
o — this night!
no moon no stars
up three times to pee
miriam chaikin
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts
all night
I play hide-and-seek
with the full moon
Audrey Downey
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts
counting stars . . .
huddled close, bundled up
against the night
Carol Raisfeld
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts
their first night
behind a veil of clouds
the smiling moon
Gryta Wansdronk
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts
winter solstice —
sparks fly from the fire
towards the stars
Daniela Bullas
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts
Lovely image of the sparks and the stars together -- warmth and cold, movement and stillness -- this haiku immediately caught my eye!
lovers moon —
venus and jupiter tryst
at twilight
Darrell Byrd
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts
moonlight in Ohio
a frog has leapt
from Basho's hand
Earl Keener
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts
final descent . . .
a hill temple lights-up
the night sky
kala ramesh
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts
night...
the door closes in
on a moth
Nana Fredua-Agyeman
(0,0,3) = 3 Pts
out of
the deep night
first snow
Marylouise Knight
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts
cold night
I cover with my body
my shadow
Lech Szeglowski
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts
under a blanket
grandma's winter tales
warm the long nights
frederick gier
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts
funnier
than Letterman —
midnight mockingbird
Joyce Clement
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts
Nature's entertainment triumphs! I like the unexpected subject matter.
night game —
a long line of sad football fans
walking home
Dominic Riendeau-Krause
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts
shyly undressing …
it’s always night
on the abyssal plains
A.M. Scarpone
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts
late night calm
my shadow wonders through
the empty streets
Elena Naskova
(0,0,3) = 3 Pts
a dark night
one or two lights shining somewhere
through the rain
Garry Eaton
(0,0,3) = 3 Pts
parent-teacher conference
a halo around
the moon
Deborah P Kolodji
(0,0,3) = 3 Pts
her skirt
shorter than her boots —
night out
Susan Constable
(0,0,3) = 3 Pts
deep frost
the feral kittens
curl into the night
jill
(0,0,3) = 3 Pts
the moon
straight up —
night chaser
Lin Geary
(0,0,3) = 3 Pts
Clever!
General Comments:
There were so many good poems; this was a very difficult choice.
'The Night' seems to have been a very evocative choice of key words, stirring the participants to some very good haiku.