December 2008 Kukai

Kigo Theme: 

Hare or Rabbit

First Place – Thirty Points

no one called

she gently dusts

her porcelain rabbits

Elena Naskova

(3,8,5) = 30 Pts

The implied loneliness enhanced rather than diminished by the routine is poignant.

dawn

a jackrabbit springs

from stillness

Melissa

(2,7,10) = 30 Pts

Great image!

As though the sun were its green light to GO...

Line 1 might make a stronger contribution.

Second Place – Twenty-one Points

warm December day

the cottontail feasts

on the snowman's fallen nose

Terri L. French

(1,4,10) = 21 Pts

Ha! Poor snowman. Very well done!

Third Place – Eighteen Points

          winter garden —

among the  beets a quiver

          of rabbit ears       Nancy Smith

(1,4,7) = 18 Pts

Without mentioning any hue, this builds a vividly colorful picture for me.

a harvest moon

the rabbit nibbles a new path

through the garden

Edward

(1,3,9) = 18 Pts

I can just see him nosing quietly by the light of the moon. A nice simple moment. I like the use of nibbles as a moving forward verb.

Looks like the rabbit is doing his own harvesting. Nice one.

Would be stronger without "a" in line 1 and "new" in line 2.

an owl's feather

marks the hare's last track —

midwinter night

Janice Hornburg

(0,5,8) = 18 Pts

An uh-oh moment!

Fourth Place – Seventeen Points

a startled hare

moonlight leaps

from track to track

George Hawkins

(1,3,8) = 17 Pts

The movement in this one is wonderful.

shadow puppets —

all of this rabbit's life

in my hands

Dorota Pyra

(1,3,8) = 17 Pts

Haven't we all done this? A thumb knuckle for a twitchy nose!

Interesting and original though not seasonal.

So very perfect, and another subtle seasonal reference.

Fifth Place – Sixteen Points

fall harvest

she throws the last carrot

to the rabbit

Carmel Lively Westerman

(0,2,12) = 16 Pts

At first I did not detect a seasonal reference...fine performance!

A sense of finality; humdrum, but the best of the month.

Sixth Place – Fifteen Points

rabbit tracks

in solstice light . . .

craters of the moon

Bill Pauly

(1,2,8) = 15 Pts

rising moon . . .

the white flash

of a hare's tail

Susan Constable

(0,3,9) = 15 Pts

"white" might have remained implicit.

The moon and the rabbit tail echo each other with contrast.

Seventh Place – Thirteen Points

rabbit

and kitten

touching white whiskers

Paul O. Williams

(2,2,3) = 13 Pts

midwinter —

I turn the rabbit ears

from V to L

Collin Barber

(1,3,4) = 13 Pts

falling snow —

rabbit tracks end

at the road

jt

(0,2,9) = 13 Pts

I'm tempted to ask "Why are you telling me this?"

Eighth Place – Eleven Points

empty snowy field

the scarecrow

points to a hare

Lech Szeglowski

(1,1,6) = 11 Pts

This is the moment I think most likely to stay with me over the course of the coming weeks.

childhood dreams —

looking for a rabbit

in the moon

Sunil Uniyal

(0,4,3) = 11 Pts

Ninth Place – Ten Points

mid winter stars

the frozen orbits

of the snowshoe's eyes

Garry Eaton

(1,2,3) = 10 Pts

This is so sad, and poignant; the universe's grandeur against the life and death cycle on earth.

thin soup —

till

a hare

Lin Geary

(1,1,5) = 10 Pts

a rabbit’s foot

mixed in with the cut hay...

bad luck

Kilah C

(0,3,4) = 10 Pts

Strange superstition, wonderful haiku.

a thin crust of snow —

the jackrabbit

freezes and listens

DeVar

(0,3,4) = 10 Pts

Tenth Place – Nine Points

no rabbits

at the magic show

my missing scarf

Deborah P Kolodji

(2,0,3,) = 9 Pts

Eleventh Place – Eight Points

quiet winter trail

the giant hare there

and not there

Bruce Ross

(1,1,3) = 8 Pts

Perhaps. A bit zen...like one which scored well last month.

taxi rank

the fancy-dress rabbit

fumbles for his watch

Helen Buckingham

(0,3,2) = 8 Pts

Shade's of Alice's Wonderland rabbit.

The humor in this one is great, for me, a blending of the white rabbit from Alice books and the Playboy bunny.

Twelfth Place – Seven Points

fresh snow

a snowshoe hare's tracks

quilt the pine grove

Catherine J.S. Lee

(0,2,3) = 7 Pts

preschool tour

the caged rabbit 

keeps watch

Roberta Beary

(0,2,3) = 7 Pts

Thirteenth Place – Six Points

moon over the snow

a candle burning

for our dead white rabbit

helge t.

(1,1,1) = 6 Pts

last page

on the calendar

rabbits footprint the snow

Francine Banwarth

(1,1,1) = 6 Pts

wolf moon —

a rabbit hops into

the scarecrow's hat

ARW

(1,1,1) = 6 Pts

cocktail party —

the rabbit necklace

leaps her cleavage

aom (tim)

(1,0,3) = 6 Pts

below the holly

a shadow moved

snow-hare

bre

(0,2,2) = 6 Pts

hares calligraphy-

patterns of moonshadows

on the snow

jon espen vassbotn

(0,2,2) = 6 Pts

the taxidermist's

successful rabbit season:

— the walls have ears

George Hazard

(0,1,4) = 6 Pts

Very clever!

Fourteenth Place – Five Points

chased by a hunter

the rabbit

rubbed his foot

1bodhisattva

(0,2,1) = 5 Pts

full moon desert

the sagebrush hare

darts from his shadow

Michelle Chandler

(0,2,1) = 5 Pts

first snow

rabbit tracks appear

mid trail

Michelle V. Alkerton

(0,1,3) = 5 Pts

Could they do something more forceful than "appear"?

rolling snow ...

covering tracks

of rabbits

renaye

(0,1,3) = 5 Pts

Fifteenth Place – Four Points

morning sun

a white rabbit darts

across the snow field

Tore Sverredal

(0,2,0) = 4 Pts

white hare

on the country road

— autumn's end

Jacek M.

(0,1,2) = 4 Pts

garden

with rabbit trap

a balanced meal

Bill Hudson

(0,1,2) = 4 Pts

still form

in hedge dusk

the watching hare

Frances McCarthy

(0,1,2) = 4 Pts

the rabbit

vanishes behind

a veil of snow

Marylouise Knight

(0,1,2) = 4 Pts

by the icy pond

just a round hare, and its reflection

in the sky

Anne Zooey Lind

(0,1,2) = 4 Pts

My favorite of all the haiku suggesting the rabbit in the moon.

early snowfall —

my leaf piles now graced

with rabbit tracks

Shelley Krause

(0,1,2) = 4 Pts

snow on snow

on the path between us —

hare tracks

Li Ree

(0,1,2) = 4 Pts

Sixteenth Place – Three Points

frost-struck fields —

hares dance

through a smouldering dawn

jon davey

(1,0,0) = 3 Pts

peace talk —

the rabbit's ears

fall down

Rita Odeh

(0,1,1) = 3 Pts

a rabbit in the patch

leaps out

a strawberry missing

Stella

(0,1,1) = 3 Pts

the rabbit

in the moon hides

in earth's shadow

Gene Doty

(0,1,1) = 3 Pts

lazy day . . .

the tortoise slowly passes

a sleeping hare

Carol Raisfeld

(0,1,1) = 3 Pts

chilly dawn —

a rabbit tail runs away

into the darkness

Grzegorz Sionkowski

(0,1,1) = 3 Pts

This creates a vivid visual, although I think a different verb, such as 'bounces', might be more effective.

her furry hands

hop along the pew —

rabbit skin mitts

andrea

(0,1,1) = 3 Pts

basking in sunlight

the leveret

becomes a hare

A.M. Scarpone

(0,1,1) = 3 Pts

owl-light

the tracks

of a hare

tom painting

(0,0,3) = 3 Pts

urban hare —

in the neighborhood

nibbling grass

terrytip

(0,0,3) = 3 Pts

a rabbit books it

across the library lawn

exam week

Agnes Eva Savich

(0,0,3) = 3 Pts

ducking

under the porch

last year's easter bunny

doris kasson

(0,0,3) = 3 Pts

Moonlit snow

hare and dog

then only dog

yositaka

(0,0,3) = 3 Pts

in a hurry

across December's first snow

a rabbit's tracks

Jeff Hanson

(0,0,3) = 3 Pts

snow hare

only it's tracks

give it away

Meredith Stern Cavalieri

(0,0,3) = 3 Pts

on the garden walk

only the track of a hare —

sipping hot tea

John Daleiden

(0,0,3) = 3 Pts

General comments:

Perhaps it's 'in the eyes of the beholder' but I had trouble assigning any points to the kigo section as 'rabbit or hare' seems to have netted work that tends toward 'whahoppened', 'so what' or forced. Not sure why.

As a whole, the rabbit/hare poems seemed less than satisfying. So many had mixed kigo, and more than a few included grammatical oddities.

Free Format Theme:

The Night

First Place – Forty-three Points

sleepless night —

the moon shifts

from pane to pane

Janice Hornburg

(2,8,21) = 43 Pts

And from pain to pain...I'm having nights like that.

I really love the implied association with the homophone, 'pain.' This is a lovely haiku.

Second Place – Twenty-eight Points

moonless night

the wind whistles into

an empty bottle

Tanya Dikova

(2,7,8) = 28 Pts

I feel the length and loneliness of the night in this.

It seems that the bottle here, beyond being just 'empty,' becomes a vessel that holds the vast and infinite emptiness of nighttime. Well done.

Ooh, nice one. Has a very classic feel.

Truly evocative: Night, the wind, the world in a bottle. Empty? Hardly.

The implications of this one are sad and lonely but very effectively expressed.

night

settles on the city

starling by starling

Kilah C

(1,7,11) = 28 Pts

Yes! That's just the way it happens!

I really like this quiet imagery. Original and effective.

Third Place – Twenty-five Points

the night splits

into before and after

the phone call

Barbara Snow

(1,4,14) = 25 Pts

Certain phone calls will do that. I like the tension that runs through this poem, from the first line to the last.

Fourth Place – Twenty-three Points

moonless night

the jasmine's fragrance

leads me home

Jacek M.

(0,7,9) = 23 Pts

Fifth Place – Sixteen Points

silent night

the child moves

inside her

Josh Wikoff

(0,3,10) = 16 Pts

The seasonal reference has real force because it is so simple and yet radiant with meanings.

Sixth Place – Fifteen Points

stars

long after the death

of a bonfire

Collin Barber

(0,4,7) = 15 Pts

Seventh Place – Thirteen Points

the rain that stopped

has started again . . .

the long night

Bill Kenney

(2,2,3) = 13 Pts

Such loneliness in so few syllables.

winter night, another long train slowly passes

Laurene Post

(0,2,9) = 13 Pts

The form compliments this one nicely.

The one-line format fits very well here. Wonderful!

Great simplicity, symmetry, and chemistry between the two things juxtaposed.

Eighth Place – Twelve Points

between street lamps

the rise and fall

of my shadow

Agnes Eva Savich

(0,1,10) = 12 Pts

A rhythmic, wave-like effect to this progression as one lamp releases the tall shadow to the next, then the shadow shrinks as it nears each lamp only to grow again. Energy and even moods are also rather like this. Very evocative.

Ninth Place – Eleven Points

cold night . . .

submerging cabbage hearts

in the soup pot

Michael McClintock

(0,2,7) = 11 Pts

Tenth Place – Ten Points

howl of a dog

empties the night

of silence

Michelle V. Alkerton

(0,2,6) = 10 Pts

rainy night —

with every step

moon under my feet

Katarzyna Predota

(0,1,8) = 10 Pts

Eleventh Place – Nine Points

goodnight kiss

he takes

his time

Roberta Beary

(0,3,3) = 9 Pts

Slight, perhaps, but well-crafted, with an eloquent (and elegant) break at the end of line 2.

my secret crush

our shadows touch

in the moonlight

Meredith Stern Cavalieri

(0,2,5) = 9 Pts

That's really sweet!

moonless night —

her face in the glow

of the cellphone screen

Mykel Board

(0,2,5) = 9 Pts

A well-written 21st century haiku.

A nice surprise as well as a reflection (a punning image!)

Contrasts the depth of a night's darkness in a fresh way.

Twelfth Place – Eight Points

2 a.m. 

barefoot at the window

watching the snow

April Serock

(0,2,4) = 8 Pts

long night

my eyes strain

the personals

tom painting

(0,1,6) = 8 Pts

nightfall

mountains near and far

become one

Melissa Spurr

(0,1,6) = 8 Pts

stillness

the night after

he left for war

Carmel Lively Westerman

(0,1,6) = 8 Pts

Thirteenth Place – Seven Points

imagine a haiku written

28 years ago this night

John Lennon's death

1bodhisattva

(2,0,1) = 7 Pts

night in the valley —

I follow

the shepherd's call

Gosia Zamorska

(1,1,2) = 7 Pts

silent night

the holiness of trees

in wet snow

George Hawkins

(1,0,4) = 7 Pts

moonless night

all shadows

disappeared

Derwisz

(0,2,3) = 7 Pts

first snowfall —

newborn sleeps through

the night

Leslie Montgomery

(0,1,5) = 7 Pts

I remember that first night. Unfortunately, I still laid awake . . . listening.

I love the comfort the blanket of snow brings.

Fourteenth Place – Six Points

longest night —

the Pleiades unwind

their string of lights

Shelley Krause

(1,1,1) = 6 Pts

A nice winter sky image.

a snowy owl

cries from the cedars ...

the night deepens

Bridget Cougar

(0,1,4) = 6 Pts

wake —

how he'd talk

of the stars above the foxhole

aom (tim)

(0,1,4) = 6 Pts

winter night

the harbour light blinks

across the ice

Beth Powell

(0,0,6) = 6 Pts

autumn night

only the rustle of leaves

of an old novel

Dorota Pyra

(0,0,6) = 6 Pts

Fifteenth Place – Five Points

Quite alone

wandering through the polar night...

the lodestar

Vasile Moldovan

(1,0,2) = 5 Pts

the old furnace

creaks and groans

comforting bumps in the night

Bill Hudson

(0,1,3) = 5 Pts

A comforting sound on a cold winter's night.

autumn leaves —

the last bus departs

almost empty

Israel Lopez Balan

(0,1,3) = 5 Pts

The gap between the set-up (line 1) and payoff (lines 2-3) leaves the reader just enough to do.

drizzly night —

tiny stars dance

on my glasses

Isabelle Prondzynski

(0,1,3) = 5 Pts

the long night

regular start/stop

of the fridge motor

if

(0,0,5) = 5 Pts

3 a.m.

last night the silence

tonight the rain

Kate Creighton

(0,0,5) = 5 Pts

Sixteenth Place – Four Points

steep canyon walls

with each rumble of thunder

the night feels longer

Edward

(0,2,0) = 4 Pts

spring night —

frogs outshine

the stars

John Soules

(0,1,2) = 4 Pts

his words linger

all night the patter of rain

on the window

polona

(0,1,2) = 4 Pts

embracing father

for the final time —

old moon in the new moon's arms

jon davey

(0,1,2) = 4 Pts

city night

last-minute shoppers jostle

the homeless man's cart

Catherine J.S. Lee

(0,1,2) = 4 Pts

A sad commentary. What is Christmas without charity and compassion for our fellow man?

And I read "cart" as "shopping cart." Why say everything?

arguing

again

long

cold

night

Sjs

(0,0,4) = 4 Pts

Seventeenth Place – Three Points

heading to work

a raccoon's brief shadow

under the old moon

Harvey Jenkins

(1,0,0) = 3 Pts

Holy Night...

twinkling stars nestled

among the branches

Dejan Pavlinovic

(1,0,0) = 3 Pts

o — this night!

no moon no stars

up three times to pee

miriam chaikin

(0,1,1) = 3 Pts

all night

I play hide-and-seek

with the full moon

Audrey Downey

(0,1,1) = 3 Pts

counting stars . . .

huddled close, bundled up

against the night

Carol Raisfeld

(0,1,1) = 3 Pts

their first night

behind a veil of clouds

the smiling moon

Gryta Wansdronk

(0,1,1) = 3 Pts

winter solstice —

sparks fly from the fire

towards the stars

Daniela Bullas

(0,1,1) = 3 Pts

Lovely image of the sparks and the stars together -- warmth and cold, movement and stillness -- this haiku immediately caught my eye!

lovers moon —

venus and jupiter tryst

at twilight

Darrell Byrd

(0,1,1) = 3 Pts

moonlight in Ohio

a frog has leapt

from Basho's hand

Earl Keener

(0,1,1) = 3 Pts

final descent . . . 

a hill temple lights-up

the night sky

kala ramesh

(0,1,1) = 3 Pts

night...

the door closes in

on a moth

Nana Fredua-Agyeman

(0,0,3) = 3 Pts

out of 

the deep night

first snow

Marylouise Knight

(0,1,1) = 3 Pts

cold night

I cover with my body

my shadow

Lech Szeglowski

(0,1,1) = 3 Pts

under a blanket

grandma's winter tales

warm the long nights

frederick gier

(0,1,1) = 3 Pts

funnier

than Letterman —

midnight mockingbird

Joyce Clement

(0,1,1) = 3 Pts

Nature's entertainment triumphs! I like the unexpected subject matter.

night game —

a long line of sad football fans

walking home

Dominic Riendeau-Krause

(0,1,1) = 3 Pts

shyly undressing …

it’s always night

on the abyssal plains

A.M. Scarpone

(0,1,1) = 3 Pts

late night calm

my shadow wonders through

the empty streets

Elena Naskova

(0,0,3) = 3 Pts

a dark night

one or two lights shining somewhere

through the rain

Garry Eaton

(0,0,3) = 3 Pts

parent-teacher conference

a halo around

the moon

Deborah P Kolodji

(0,0,3) = 3 Pts

her skirt

shorter than her boots —

night out

Susan Constable

(0,0,3) = 3 Pts

deep frost

the feral kittens

curl into the night

jill

(0,0,3) = 3 Pts

the moon

straight up —

night chaser

Lin Geary

(0,0,3) = 3 Pts

Clever!

General Comments:

There were so many good poems; this was a very difficult choice.

'The Night' seems to have been a very evocative choice of key words, stirring the participants to some very good haiku.