June 2008 Kukai

Kigo Theme: 

Sand

First Place – 37 Points

sand sculptures

a mermaid slips back

into the sea

Edward

(7,2,12) = 37 Pts.

Well done!

Second Place – 25 Points

sandcastles...

her youngest daughter

calls me daddy

Colin Stewart Jones

(2,5,9) = 25 Pts.

Love it! There is a whole touching story in this.

A complex story most economically told.

Third Place – 23 Points

footprints...

from sandcastle

to sandcastle

Jacek M.

(1,6,8) = 23 Pts.

Fourth Place – Twenty-two Points

marking my place

in last summer's book —

beach sand

Shelley Krause

(0,5,12) = 22 Pts.

My favorite among the entries that took time as their theme. It's been years since I read on the beach, but this brings it all back.

Fifth Place – Eighteen Points

the soup spoons

begin to disappear

sandbox season

Ann K. Schwader

(2,1,10) = 18 Pts.

One of life’s many little mysteries. Well done.

sand castles . . .

she helps me fill

the empty hours

Francine Banwarth

(1,4,7) = 18 Pts.

cool sand ~

my footprint fills

with Pacific

Paul Hodder

(1,3,9) = 18 Pts.

Sixth Place – Seventeen Points

after all these years

sand still falls

from the shell

jean cully

(0,4,9) = 17 Pts.

Seventh Place – Fifteen Points

white sand

a child asks why

I'm wearing shoes

Bill Kenney

(1,3,6) = 15 Pts.

Eighth Place – Twelve Points

white sand —

the flip side

of the sunbather

Collin Barber

(1,0,9) = 12 Pts.

Funny!

old sandals

treading sand

back to the shore

Helen Buckingham

(2,2,2) = 12 Pts.

climbing the sand dunes

one step forward

two back

Meggy

(0,3,6) = 12 Pts.

An amusing observation of a situation most of us have experienced. Well done.

high summer . . .

sands from Mongolia

dust the vineyard

Michael McClintock

(1,2,5) = 12 Pts.

Ninth Place – Eleven Points

my footprints

disappear in the wet sand —

morning waves

Israel Lopez Balan

(1,2,4) = 11 Pts.

sand ripples

wave after wave

after wave

Melissa Spurr

(1,2,4) = 11 Pts.

What can I say? I tried to write this one and couldn't.

Tenth Place – Ten Points

end of summer

the ribs of fishing boat

half-buried in sand

Kirsty Karkow

(0,1,8) = 10 Pts.

last day —

waves take the sand

from under my feet

Joyce Clement

(1,0,7) = 10 Pts.

That's life... and death. Well done.

A great pairing of inevitabilities, the ocean's waves and the end of vacation.

Eleventh Place – Nine Points

a day off —

the ant carries another

grain of sand

Robert Naczas

(1,2,2) = 9 Pts.

Twelfth Place – Eighth Points

sand in her spinach . . .

again she dreams

of the pearl

Bill Pauly

(0,2,4) = 8 Pts.

under the broom

memories

of the beach

Bill Hudson

(1,1,3) = 8 Pts.

open window...

voices drift up

from the sandbox

Irene Golas

(1,1,3) = 8 Pts.

Thirteenth Place – Seven Points

sandy shallows

the sunlight ripples

on the bottom

RaV

(0,1,5) = 7 Pts.

looking back —

my footprints on the sand

disappear

Gosia Zamorska

(1,0,4) = 7 Pts.

beyond the boardwalk

ten thousand bird tracks

on the sand

Laurene

(0,2,3) = 7 Pts.

sand in my eyes...

the pearls I dreamt have sunk

back to sea bottom

jet57

(1,1,2) = 7 Pts.

A lovely metaphorical verse. I like it without quite seeing the seasonality, but still well done.

the grit of sand

between my toes . . .

his gnawing words

Mary Davila

(1,0,4) = 7 Pts.

tide is held

within sandcastle moat—

north star

ARW

(1,1,2) = 7 Pts.

Fourteenth Place – Six Points

On the Golden Sands

your toes trying to write

the first haiku

Adina Enachescu

(1,1,1) = 6 Pts.

simmering sand

the zigzag footprints

of a beachcomber

Audrey Downey

(0,1,4) = 6 Pts.

red roses

where

the white sands part

Ben Gieske

(0,2,2) = 6 Pts.

I liked this simple observation.

the wind from the sea

moves the sand

in my shadow

helge t.

(1,1,1) = 6 Pts.

Hourglass —

the last grain of sand

drops

Gautam Nadkarni

(1,1,1) = 6 Pts.

on the sand

a statue of the Buddha

and bullet holes

haikugeert

(0,2,2) = 6 Pts.

a grain of sand

in the oyster shell

seven year itch

Leah Ann Sullivan

(1,1,1) = 6 Pts.

feeling better

the truant shakes sand

from his shoes

LeRoy Gorman

(0,2,2) = 6 Pts.

drifting sand

erasing

where people were

Rose Marie Stutts

(1,0,3) = 6 Pts.

summer vacation

slipping through fingers like sand

the children growing

todd eddy

(0,0,6) = 6 Pts.

Fifteenth Place – Five Points

heat haze —

the fry cook looks out

over the boardwalk, over the sand

aom (tim)

(0,2,1) = 5 Pts.

I wanted to award this a point. But 'over the sand' sounds tacked onto a finished poem in order to qualify.

sand dollars

scattered by the tide

his leaving

Beth Powell

(0,0,5) = 5 Pts.

The natural world may seem to come ‘unglued’ with a relationship lost. Well done.

True summer sandwich:

Ziploc-warmed peanut butter

and jelly and sand

Conrad Sienkiewicz

(0,1,3) = 5 Pts.

This doesn't scan perfectly, but absolutely captures something worth capturing.

sandy beach —

the murmur of footprints

at sunset

Dejan Pavlinovic

(0,1,3) = 5 Pts.

wave demolishing

the sand castle –

the child's cry

miorita

(0,2,1) = 5 Pts.

sand clock...

to see the beauty

of each grain

Rita Odeh

(0,2,1) = 5 Pts.

Sixteenth Place – Four Points

short night~

the sand slips

through the hourglass

Apurva

(0,0,4) = 4 Pts.

beneath my bed

a zen garden in a box

spilled sand

bre

(0,2,0) = 4 Pts.

hiding from June sun

in dime-sized sand caves

1,000 new frogs

Bridget Cougar

(1,0,1) = 4 Pts.

ebb tide —

in the quiet of morning

sand fleas scurry on

Carol Raisfeld

(0,1,2) = 4 Pts.

Crowd on the sand —

above the ocean

only a seagull

Constantin Stroe

(0,1,2) = 4 Pts.

My mind's eye rising as I read down this haiku... nice.

morning mist —

sand crab digs

beneath the wet sand

fedelmia

(0,1,2) = 4 Pts.

ebb tide sand

the child jumps over

a crab hole

kala

(1,0,1) = 4 Pts.

lonely ramparts

in the sinking sun —

sand castle

Linda Papanicolaou

(1,0,1) = 4 Pts.

The best version of the sandcastle cliche.

two names in sand —

our romance swept away

by time and tide

Mary Lee McClure

(0,1,2) = 4 Pts.

child at beach fills pail

empties it, fills, empties

—zen mind

miriam chaikin

(1,0,1) = 4 Pts.

hungry,

with a handful of sand ...

the stars

og_a

(0,0,4) = 4 Pts.

The more I read it, the more I like it.

hurricane's eye

the crunch of sand

underfoot

soji

(0,1,2) = 4 Pts.

Seventeenth Place – Three Points

childhood sand beach

under the only tree

the day lingers

Bruce Ross

(0,1,1) = 3 Pts.

beach weather

from the washing machine

the sound of sand

frederick gier

(0,0,3) = 3 Pts.

left behind

in the back seat —

swimsuits and sand

LGD

(0,0,3) = 3 Pts.

a trail of sand

and bathing suits

the bedroom

Neil Muscott

(0,1,1) = 3 Pts.

powdered

to sand

~ a life span

Rebba

(0,0,3) = 3 Pts.

sunning on the beach

the sand sticks to her oiled skin

footprints by the chair

Rebecca S.

(0,1,1) = 3 Pts.

early summer —

stretching out in the sun

sand for my pillow

terrytip

(0,1,1) = 3 Pts.

Free Format Theme:

Secrets

First Place – Twenty-nine Points

play therapy

the jump rope

in knots

tom painting

(4,3,11) = 29 Pts.

Well done to show us there is a secret instead of telling us. I saw that distinction as the key to what I wanted to vote for.

Second Place – Twenty-seven Points

spring thunder

I promise not to tell

her mother

Bill Kenney

(0,6,15) = 27 Pts.

An excellent haiku! And an intriguing/noteworthy juxtaposition of thunder and mother.

Third place – Twenty-three Points

just when

I'd almost forgotten

wild roses

Ann K. Schwader

(0,4,15) = 23 Pts.

Recalling nostalgically, from an 'age of wisdom’ the poet's youthful 'walk on the wild side? Well crafted and one of those few one-sentence haiku that succeed.

Fourth Place – Twenty-one Points

face down

on the end table

my wife's diary

Neil Muscott

(0,6,9) = 21 Pts.

“face down" really makes this powerful.

How much weaker this would have been in the third person. Question: If he reads her diary, will this be recorded in his diary?

The tension of this moment is heightened through careful word choice... "down" and "end" both quietly foreshadowing a not-so-happy outcome, at least for this reader.

Fifth Place – Fifteen Points

missing sandwich

the scent of onions

on the dog's breath

Melissa Spurr

(2,2,5) = 15 Pts.

Unusually successful for a one-sentence haiku, plus I'm a sucker for anything 'dog'.

Sixth Place – Fourteen Points

their wedding photo —

bride's eyes fixed on

the torn edge

Gosia Zamorska

(1,4,3) = 14 Pts.

Seventh Place – Thirteen Points

third postcard —

he says nothing

about her

jill

(2,0,7) = 13 Pts.

Of all the haiku focused on the secrets of omission, this one stayed in my mind the longest.

Eighth Place – Twelve Points

after her death

a shoebox full

of secrets

Meggy

(0,2,8) = 12 Pts.

3 a.m. darkness

he steps on the dog's

squeak toy

soji

(0,1,10) = 12 Pts.

Got my vote, but dropping the word "darkness" would have made it even better.

Ninth Place – Eleven Points

sweet sixteen

how cool the summer sand

at midnight

Laurene

(1,0,8) = 11 Pts.

my smile at him

while I write words

in the water

Li Ree

(0,2,7) = 11 Pts.

when the old gate

in the garden squeaks ...

she lifts her head

Tomislav M.

(0,3,5) = 11 Pts.

Tenth Place – Ten Points

eyelash moon ~

the way she

looks away

Paul Hodder

(0,2,6) = 10 Pts.

Eleventh Place – Nine Points

telling nobody

where we hid the firecrackers —

the cat and I

Zhanna P. Rader

(0,2,5) = 9 Pts.

whispered secrets

the dapple-grey pony

twitches her ear

sheila windsor

(1,1,4) = 9 Pts.

I can see this so clearly! And it’s nice to have secrets that aren't freighted with negative baggage.

schoolyard huddle

the facts of life

revealed

Meredith Stern Cavalieri

(1,3,0) = 9 Pts.

her secrets

lost in the fog –

autumn chill

Mary Davila

(0,3,3) =9 Pts.

peeking moon –

he washes away

her trace

Elena Naskova

(0,1,7) = 9 Pts.

So economical, and terrific use of "peeking".

wheat field —

only two ears reveal

the deer's location

cindy bene

(0,3,3) = 9 Pts.

A vision most of us have seen, at least in pictures, but well done.

quiet child

her whispers only

for teddy

Beth Powell

(0,2,5) = 9 Pts.

Having been one of those, I find this evocative.

An aspect of childhood precisely caught. I generally hate kiddie-ku.

This and #60 were very similar in concept and wording. The difference is that #59 shows us a child with a secret while #60 explicitly tells us that there is a secret-- even using the word.

her birthday —

a melted chocolate bar

in my pocket

Barbara Campitelli

(1,1,4) = 9 Pts.

Twelfth Place – Eighth Points

memoirs—

the childhood

never talked about

Carolyn

(0,1,6) = 8 Pts.

Who we used to be and who we've become. A trenchant social observation.

in my empty room

an unexpected gift —

the scent of her perfume

Jacek M.

(0,1,6) = 8 Pts.

when the cook

has left the kitchen . . .

cookies

Kirsty Karkow

(0,1,6) = 8 Pts.

This is maybe more about sneakiness than a secret, but it made me smile.

I wait

on the steps at dusk . . . 

the wind in the trees

Marylouise Knight

(1,1,3) = 8 Pts.

Thirteenth Place – Seven Points

business trip

from the laundry falls

a used condom

andrea

(1,1,2) = 7 Pts.

The cell phone rings

her hand covers the number

deep intake of breathe

Angelika Kolompar

(1,1,2) = 7 Pts.

at his wake —

who is the gorgeous blond

in the big black hat?

Betty Kaplan

(0,2,3) = 7 Pts.

the depths of stars

all those nights

when mother was asleep

Collin Barber

(0,1,5) = 7 Pts.

Everyone's adolescence.

a stranger's letter

tucked under her family

recipe for moon cakes

Francine Banwarth

(0,1,5) = 7 Pts.

a shadow falls

across a backlit curtain

then another

gourdman

(0,2,3) = 7 Pts.

late spring moon —

my neighbours

turn off the lights

Israel Lopez Balan

(0,1,5) = 7 Pts.

Fourteenth Place – Six Points

missing candy –

a child-shaped lump

behind the drapes

Nancy Smith

(1,1,1) = 6 Pts.

Derivative from the kukai example, but with humorous wording to make up for it.

high tide hissing

                       in and out . . .

practicing his whispers

Bill Pauly

(0,2,2) = 6 Pts.

closed eyes

reading the night skies

with your fingertips

Jon Espen Vassbotn

(0,2,2) = 6 Pts.

NO GIRLS ALLOWED —

what goes on

behind the closed door?

yositaka

(0,1,4) = 6 Pts.

Fifteenth Place – Five Points

dawn —

on her pillow

a note

Jon Baldwin

(0,1,3) = 5 Pts.

father's day —

a tiny fistful

of something that still squeaks

Lin Geary

(0,1,3) = 5 Pts.

Ha! I don't even want to think about it!

light

spilling through the keyhole —

someone giggles

Linda Papanicolaou

(0,0,5) = 5 Pts.

pine cone...

distant memories crumble

in my pocket

manoj saranathan

(0,1,3) = 5 Pts.

bush cherries all gone —

and I never even saw

the birds

Paul O. Williams

(0,1,3) = 5 Pts.

graveyard - so many secrets buried

Robert Naczas

(0,1,3) = 5 Pts.

Sixteenth Place – Four Points

70th birthday

he buys himself

a motorcycle

Audrey Downey

(0,1,2) = 4 Pts.

first confession

she whispers her secret sin

to the priest

carmel lively westerman

(0,2,0) = 4 Pts.

class reunion —

his old room mate Phillip

now answers to Phyllis

Carol Raisfeld

(0,0,4) = 4 Pts.

our secret place —

the moment ruined

by a bee

Mary Lee McClure

(0,1,4) = 6 Pts.

for having secrets

you need a good memory

and that I don't have

emile molhuysen

(1,0,1) = 4 Pts.

in sleepless eyes

the shadow of recent tears;

"nothing" she says

frederick gier

(0,0,4) = 4 Pts.

after all these years

finding out daddy's real name —

the family secret

Hazel A. Witherspoon

(0,2,0) = 4 Pts.

watching Saturn

I remember that night

long long ago

Jeff Hanson

(0,1,2) = 4 Pts.

opening the book

to the page where she screamed ––

crushed spider

jet57

(0,0,4) = 4 Pts.

holes in my yard

in the next block

a man plants lavender roses

Rose Marie Stutts

(0,1,2) = 4 Pts.

Seventeenth Place – Three Points

between the pages

of the yard-sale romance

a ten dollar bill

Barbara Snow

(0,1,1) = 3 Pts.

my hushed tone

tightening her grip —

high-tide mark

Colin Stewart Jones

(1,0,0) = 3 Pts.

Once in a blue moon…

Cupid shooting an arrow

into a bowman's heart.

Daniela Bullas

(0,1,1) = 3 Pts.

high school parking lot

the new kid flips an ice pick

into the dumpster

Edward

(0,1,1) = 3 Pts.

lost diary key

I wish I could remember

what I wrote

Jo McInerney

(0,0,3) = 3 Pts.

stones skim with

big leaps on the lake

he has a secret

haikugeert

(0,0,3) = 3 Pts.

The first time I read this, I thought that the big leaps were the result of strong, emotion-fueled throws... thereby allowing the watcher to think about a secret underneath. Then I thought that maybe the secret is simply the secret to great stone skipping. I liked it both ways.

afterglow

the secrets she told me

waiting for the stars

RaV

(0,0,3) = 3 Pts.

young, teenage love

only the cottonwoods

whispering secrets

todd eddy

(0,0,3) = 3 Pts.

General Comments:

Intriguing topic. I have been introduced to a new aspect of haiku.

There were a lot of good senryu here, but I had to stop and think, because many were evocative private memories and not really of the universal way we keep secrets.

I may have misread or misunderstood the concept here, but any of the haiku that had the word "secret/s" was automatically nixed. It certainly made the selection process easier. #38 got my 3 pt vote for humor, originality, and according to a story my Mom used to tell, I got caught with green onions on my breath when I was about 3 or 4 years old. I'd been playing outside in the garden. When she called me in and started washing me up she said, "Gary, you've been eating onions!" I said, utterly surprised, "How did you know?" Moms know everything.