Congratulations to Edward, winner of our Kigo section and to Tom Painting, winner of our Free Format section!
June 2008 Results
Kigo Theme:
Sand
First Place – 37 Points
sand sculptures
a mermaid slips back
into the sea
Edward
(7,2,12) = 37 Pts.
Well done!
Second Place – 25 Points
sandcastles...
her youngest daughter
calls me daddy
Colin Stewart Jones
(2,5,9) = 25 Pts.
Love it! There is a whole touching story in this.
A complex story most economically told.
Third Place – 23 Points
footprints...
from sandcastle
to sandcastle
Jacek M.
(1,6,8) = 23 Pts.
Fourth Place – Twenty-two Points
marking my place
in last summer's book —
beach sand
Shelley Krause
(0,5,12) = 22 Pts.
My favorite among the entries that took time as their theme. It's been years since I read on the beach, but this brings it all back.
Fifth Place – Eighteen Points
the soup spoons
begin to disappear
sandbox season
Ann K. Schwader
(2,1,10) = 18 Pts.
One of life’s many little mysteries. Well done.
sand castles . . .
she helps me fill
the empty hours
Francine Banwarth
(1,4,7) = 18 Pts.
cool sand ~
my footprint fills
with Pacific
Paul Hodder
(1,3,9) = 18 Pts.
Sixth Place – Seventeen Points
after all these years
sand still falls
from the shell
jean cully
(0,4,9) = 17 Pts.
Seventh Place – Fifteen Points
white sand
a child asks why
I'm wearing shoes
Bill Kenney
(1,3,6) = 15 Pts.
Eighth Place – Twelve Points
white sand —
the flip side
of the sunbather
Collin Barber
(1,0,9) = 12 Pts.
Funny!
old sandals
treading sand
back to the shore
Helen Buckingham
(2,2,2) = 12 Pts.
climbing the sand dunes
one step forward
two back
Meggy
(0,3,6) = 12 Pts.
An amusing observation of a situation most of us have experienced. Well done.
high summer . . .
sands from Mongolia
dust the vineyard
Michael McClintock
(1,2,5) = 12 Pts.
Ninth Place – Eleven Points
my footprints
disappear in the wet sand —
morning waves
Israel Lopez Balan
(1,2,4) = 11 Pts.
sand ripples
wave after wave
after wave
Melissa Spurr
(1,2,4) = 11 Pts.
What can I say? I tried to write this one and couldn't.
Tenth Place – Ten Points
end of summer
the ribs of fishing boat
half-buried in sand
Kirsty Karkow
(0,1,8) = 10 Pts.
last day —
waves take the sand
from under my feet
Joyce Clement
(1,0,7) = 10 Pts.
That's life... and death. Well done.
A great pairing of inevitabilities, the ocean's waves and the end of vacation.
Eleventh Place – Nine Points
a day off —
the ant carries another
grain of sand
Robert Naczas
(1,2,2) = 9 Pts.
Twelfth Place – Eighth Points
sand in her spinach . . .
again she dreams
of the pearl
Bill Pauly
(0,2,4) = 8 Pts.
under the broom
memories
of the beach
Bill Hudson
(1,1,3) = 8 Pts.
open window...
voices drift up
from the sandbox
Irene Golas
(1,1,3) = 8 Pts.
Thirteenth Place – Seven Points
sandy shallows
the sunlight ripples
on the bottom
RaV
(0,1,5) = 7 Pts.
looking back —
my footprints on the sand
disappear
Gosia Zamorska
(1,0,4) = 7 Pts.
beyond the boardwalk
ten thousand bird tracks
on the sand
Laurene
(0,2,3) = 7 Pts.
sand in my eyes...
the pearls I dreamt have sunk
back to sea bottom
jet57
(1,1,2) = 7 Pts.
A lovely metaphorical verse. I like it without quite seeing the seasonality, but still well done.
the grit of sand
between my toes . . .
his gnawing words
Mary Davila
(1,0,4) = 7 Pts.
tide is held
within sandcastle moat—
north star
ARW
(1,1,2) = 7 Pts.
Fourteenth Place – Six Points
On the Golden Sands
your toes trying to write
the first haiku
Adina Enachescu
(1,1,1) = 6 Pts.
simmering sand
the zigzag footprints
of a beachcomber
Audrey Downey
(0,1,4) = 6 Pts.
red roses
where
the white sands part
Ben Gieske
(0,2,2) = 6 Pts.
I liked this simple observation.
the wind from the sea
moves the sand
in my shadow
helge t.
(1,1,1) = 6 Pts.
Hourglass —
the last grain of sand
drops
Gautam Nadkarni
(1,1,1) = 6 Pts.
on the sand
a statue of the Buddha
and bullet holes
haikugeert
(0,2,2) = 6 Pts.
a grain of sand
in the oyster shell
seven year itch
Leah Ann Sullivan
(1,1,1) = 6 Pts.
feeling better
the truant shakes sand
from his shoes
LeRoy Gorman
(0,2,2) = 6 Pts.
drifting sand
erasing
where people were
Rose Marie Stutts
(1,0,3) = 6 Pts.
summer vacation
slipping through fingers like sand
the children growing
todd eddy
(0,0,6) = 6 Pts.
Fifteenth Place – Five Points
heat haze —
the fry cook looks out
over the boardwalk, over the sand
aom (tim)
(0,2,1) = 5 Pts.
I wanted to award this a point. But 'over the sand' sounds tacked onto a finished poem in order to qualify.
sand dollars
scattered by the tide
his leaving
Beth Powell
(0,0,5) = 5 Pts.
The natural world may seem to come ‘unglued’ with a relationship lost. Well done.
True summer sandwich:
Ziploc-warmed peanut butter
and jelly and sand
Conrad Sienkiewicz
(0,1,3) = 5 Pts.
This doesn't scan perfectly, but absolutely captures something worth capturing.
sandy beach —
the murmur of footprints
at sunset
Dejan Pavlinovic
(0,1,3) = 5 Pts.
wave demolishing
the sand castle –
the child's cry
miorita
(0,2,1) = 5 Pts.
sand clock...
to see the beauty
of each grain
Rita Odeh
(0,2,1) = 5 Pts.
Sixteenth Place – Four Points
short night~
the sand slips
through the hourglass
Apurva
(0,0,4) = 4 Pts.
beneath my bed
a zen garden in a box
spilled sand
bre
(0,2,0) = 4 Pts.
hiding from June sun
in dime-sized sand caves
1,000 new frogs
Bridget Cougar
(1,0,1) = 4 Pts.
ebb tide —
in the quiet of morning
sand fleas scurry on
Carol Raisfeld
(0,1,2) = 4 Pts.
Crowd on the sand —
above the ocean
only a seagull
Constantin Stroe
(0,1,2) = 4 Pts.
My mind's eye rising as I read down this haiku... nice.
morning mist —
sand crab digs
beneath the wet sand
fedelmia
(0,1,2) = 4 Pts.
ebb tide sand
the child jumps over
a crab hole
kala
(1,0,1) = 4 Pts.
lonely ramparts
in the sinking sun —
sand castle
Linda Papanicolaou
(1,0,1) = 4 Pts.
The best version of the sandcastle cliche.
two names in sand —
our romance swept away
by time and tide
Mary Lee McClure
(0,1,2) = 4 Pts.
child at beach fills pail
empties it, fills, empties
—zen mind
miriam chaikin
(1,0,1) = 4 Pts.
hungry,
with a handful of sand ...
the stars
og_a
(0,0,4) = 4 Pts.
The more I read it, the more I like it.
hurricane's eye
the crunch of sand
underfoot
soji
(0,1,2) = 4 Pts.
Seventeenth Place – Three Points
childhood sand beach
under the only tree
the day lingers
Bruce Ross
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts.
beach weather
from the washing machine
the sound of sand
frederick gier
(0,0,3) = 3 Pts.
left behind
in the back seat —
swimsuits and sand
LGD
(0,0,3) = 3 Pts.
a trail of sand
and bathing suits
the bedroom
Neil Muscott
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts.
powdered
to sand
~ a life span
Rebba
(0,0,3) = 3 Pts.
sunning on the beach
the sand sticks to her oiled skin
footprints by the chair
Rebecca S.
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts.
early summer —
stretching out in the sun
sand for my pillow
terrytip
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts.
Free Format Theme:
Secrets
First Place – Twenty-nine Points
play therapy
the jump rope
in knots
tom painting
(4,3,11) = 29 Pts.
Well done to show us there is a secret instead of telling us. I saw that distinction as the key to what I wanted to vote for.
Second Place – Twenty-seven Points
spring thunder
I promise not to tell
her mother
Bill Kenney
(0,6,15) = 27 Pts.
An excellent haiku! And an intriguing/noteworthy juxtaposition of thunder and mother.
Third place – Twenty-three Points
just when
I'd almost forgotten
wild roses
Ann K. Schwader
(0,4,15) = 23 Pts.
Recalling nostalgically, from an 'age of wisdom’ the poet's youthful 'walk on the wild side? Well crafted and one of those few one-sentence haiku that succeed.
Fourth Place – Twenty-one Points
face down
on the end table
my wife's diary
Neil Muscott
(0,6,9) = 21 Pts.
“face down" really makes this powerful.
How much weaker this would have been in the third person. Question: If he reads her diary, will this be recorded in his diary?
The tension of this moment is heightened through careful word choice... "down" and "end" both quietly foreshadowing a not-so-happy outcome, at least for this reader.
Fifth Place – Fifteen Points
missing sandwich
the scent of onions
on the dog's breath
Melissa Spurr
(2,2,5) = 15 Pts.
Unusually successful for a one-sentence haiku, plus I'm a sucker for anything 'dog'.
Sixth Place – Fourteen Points
their wedding photo —
bride's eyes fixed on
the torn edge
Gosia Zamorska
(1,4,3) = 14 Pts.
Seventh Place – Thirteen Points
third postcard —
he says nothing
about her
jill
(2,0,7) = 13 Pts.
Of all the haiku focused on the secrets of omission, this one stayed in my mind the longest.
Eighth Place – Twelve Points
after her death
a shoebox full
of secrets
Meggy
(0,2,8) = 12 Pts.
3 a.m. darkness
he steps on the dog's
squeak toy
soji
(0,1,10) = 12 Pts.
Got my vote, but dropping the word "darkness" would have made it even better.
Ninth Place – Eleven Points
sweet sixteen
how cool the summer sand
at midnight
Laurene
(1,0,8) = 11 Pts.
my smile at him
while I write words
in the water
Li Ree
(0,2,7) = 11 Pts.
when the old gate
in the garden squeaks ...
she lifts her head
Tomislav M.
(0,3,5) = 11 Pts.
Tenth Place – Ten Points
eyelash moon ~
the way she
looks away
Paul Hodder
(0,2,6) = 10 Pts.
Eleventh Place – Nine Points
telling nobody
where we hid the firecrackers —
the cat and I
Zhanna P. Rader
(0,2,5) = 9 Pts.
whispered secrets
the dapple-grey pony
twitches her ear
sheila windsor
(1,1,4) = 9 Pts.
I can see this so clearly! And it’s nice to have secrets that aren't freighted with negative baggage.
schoolyard huddle
the facts of life
revealed
Meredith Stern Cavalieri
(1,3,0) = 9 Pts.
her secrets
lost in the fog –
autumn chill
Mary Davila
(0,3,3) =9 Pts.
peeking moon –
he washes away
her trace
Elena Naskova
(0,1,7) = 9 Pts.
So economical, and terrific use of "peeking".
wheat field —
only two ears reveal
the deer's location
cindy bene
(0,3,3) = 9 Pts.
A vision most of us have seen, at least in pictures, but well done.
quiet child
her whispers only
for teddy
Beth Powell
(0,2,5) = 9 Pts.
Having been one of those, I find this evocative.
An aspect of childhood precisely caught. I generally hate kiddie-ku.
This and #60 were very similar in concept and wording. The difference is that #59 shows us a child with a secret while #60 explicitly tells us that there is a secret-- even using the word.
her birthday —
a melted chocolate bar
in my pocket
Barbara Campitelli
(1,1,4) = 9 Pts.
Twelfth Place – Eighth Points
memoirs—
the childhood
never talked about
Carolyn
(0,1,6) = 8 Pts.
Who we used to be and who we've become. A trenchant social observation.
in my empty room
an unexpected gift —
the scent of her perfume
Jacek M.
(0,1,6) = 8 Pts.
when the cook
has left the kitchen . . .
cookies
Kirsty Karkow
(0,1,6) = 8 Pts.
This is maybe more about sneakiness than a secret, but it made me smile.
I wait
on the steps at dusk . . .
the wind in the trees
Marylouise Knight
(1,1,3) = 8 Pts.
Thirteenth Place – Seven Points
business trip
from the laundry falls
a used condom
andrea
(1,1,2) = 7 Pts.
The cell phone rings
her hand covers the number
deep intake of breathe
Angelika Kolompar
(1,1,2) = 7 Pts.
at his wake —
who is the gorgeous blond
in the big black hat?
Betty Kaplan
(0,2,3) = 7 Pts.
the depths of stars
all those nights
when mother was asleep
Collin Barber
(0,1,5) = 7 Pts.
Everyone's adolescence.
a stranger's letter
tucked under her family
recipe for moon cakes
Francine Banwarth
(0,1,5) = 7 Pts.
a shadow falls
across a backlit curtain
then another
gourdman
(0,2,3) = 7 Pts.
late spring moon —
my neighbours
turn off the lights
Israel Lopez Balan
(0,1,5) = 7 Pts.
Fourteenth Place – Six Points
missing candy –
a child-shaped lump
behind the drapes
Nancy Smith
(1,1,1) = 6 Pts.
Derivative from the kukai example, but with humorous wording to make up for it.
high tide hissing
in and out . . .
practicing his whispers
Bill Pauly
(0,2,2) = 6 Pts.
closed eyes
reading the night skies
with your fingertips
Jon Espen Vassbotn
(0,2,2) = 6 Pts.
NO GIRLS ALLOWED —
what goes on
behind the closed door?
yositaka
(0,1,4) = 6 Pts.
Fifteenth Place – Five Points
dawn —
on her pillow
a note
Jon Baldwin
(0,1,3) = 5 Pts.
father's day —
a tiny fistful
of something that still squeaks
Lin Geary
(0,1,3) = 5 Pts.
Ha! I don't even want to think about it!
light
spilling through the keyhole —
someone giggles
Linda Papanicolaou
(0,0,5) = 5 Pts.
pine cone...
distant memories crumble
in my pocket
manoj saranathan
(0,1,3) = 5 Pts.
bush cherries all gone —
and I never even saw
the birds
Paul O. Williams
(0,1,3) = 5 Pts.
graveyard - so many secrets buried
Robert Naczas
(0,1,3) = 5 Pts.
Sixteenth Place – Four Points
70th birthday
he buys himself
a motorcycle
Audrey Downey
(0,1,2) = 4 Pts.
first confession
she whispers her secret sin
to the priest
carmel lively westerman
(0,2,0) = 4 Pts.
class reunion —
his old room mate Phillip
now answers to Phyllis
Carol Raisfeld
(0,0,4) = 4 Pts.
our secret place —
the moment ruined
by a bee
Mary Lee McClure
(0,1,4) = 6 Pts.
for having secrets
you need a good memory
and that I don't have
emile molhuysen
(1,0,1) = 4 Pts.
in sleepless eyes
the shadow of recent tears;
"nothing" she says
frederick gier
(0,0,4) = 4 Pts.
after all these years
finding out daddy's real name —
the family secret
Hazel A. Witherspoon
(0,2,0) = 4 Pts.
watching Saturn
I remember that night
long long ago
Jeff Hanson
(0,1,2) = 4 Pts.
opening the book
to the page where she screamed ––
crushed spider
jet57
(0,0,4) = 4 Pts.
holes in my yard
in the next block
a man plants lavender roses
Rose Marie Stutts
(0,1,2) = 4 Pts.
Seventeenth Place – Three Points
between the pages
of the yard-sale romance
a ten dollar bill
Barbara Snow
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts.
my hushed tone
tightening her grip —
high-tide mark
Colin Stewart Jones
(1,0,0) = 3 Pts.
Once in a blue moon…
Cupid shooting an arrow
into a bowman's heart.
Daniela Bullas
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts.
high school parking lot
the new kid flips an ice pick
into the dumpster
Edward
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts.
lost diary key
I wish I could remember
what I wrote
Jo McInerney
(0,0,3) = 3 Pts.
stones skim with
big leaps on the lake
he has a secret
haikugeert
(0,0,3) = 3 Pts.
The first time I read this, I thought that the big leaps were the result of strong, emotion-fueled throws... thereby allowing the watcher to think about a secret underneath. Then I thought that maybe the secret is simply the secret to great stone skipping. I liked it both ways.
afterglow
the secrets she told me
waiting for the stars
RaV
(0,0,3) = 3 Pts.
young, teenage love
only the cottonwoods
whispering secrets
todd eddy
(0,0,3) = 3 Pts.
General Comments:
Intriguing topic. I have been introduced to a new aspect of haiku.
There were a lot of good senryu here, but I had to stop and think, because many were evocative private memories and not really of the universal way we keep secrets.
I may have misread or misunderstood the concept here, but any of the haiku that had the word "secret/s" was automatically nixed. It certainly made the selection process easier. #38 got my 3 pt vote for humor, originality, and according to a story my Mom used to tell, I got caught with green onions on my breath when I was about 3 or 4 years old. I'd been playing outside in the garden. When she called me in and started washing me up she said, "Gary, you've been eating onions!" I said, utterly surprised, "How did you know?" Moms know everything.