Congratulations to Miriam Chaikin, winner of our Kigo section and to Melissa Spurr, winner of our Free Format section!
July 2008 Results
Kigo Theme:
Firefly
First Place – Thirty-nine Points
firefly
- the night
finds its way in
miriam chaikin
(1,11,14) = 39 Pts
Simple . . . and so beautiful. Wish I were there.
Second Place – Twenty-four Points
first firefly
the electrician shuts
his toolbox
ed markowski
(1,5,11) = 24 Pts
A delightful association between the firefly and the electrician.
I like how "first firefly" gives clue to this person's awakening to the season but I snagged on the author's choice of "electrician". I doubt it was intentional but feels deliberate and clever.
Third Place – Twenty Points
mind empty
a firefly
fills it
Francine Banwarth
(1,5,7) = 20 Pts
Fourth Place – Seventeen Points
firefly
my attention span
shortens
tom painting
(1,3,8) = 17 Pts
The short attention span vindicated! Mind and firefly are one.
Fifth Place – Fifteen Points
dusk...
through my fingers
fireflies
Carol Pearce-Worthington
(0,5,5) = 15 Pts
This is very pleasant, as if in summer time too may be allowed to slip though our fingers, perhaps also the safety in which the relaxation of sleep may come.
Sixth Place – Fourteen Points
above the fire
a lonely firefly
follows the spark
Jacek M.
(1,3,5) = 14 Pts
It reads as a sentence so would normally not get my vote, but it's realistic.
porch swing —
fireflies rise
above the oaks
Carmen Sterba
(0,5,4) = 14 Pts
Seventh Place – Thirteen Points
tonight only —
fireflies
and the moon
Garry Eaton
(1,3,4) = 13 Pts
fireflies
now and then
the memories
AD
(1,3,4) = 13 Pts
A very effective pivot, with a lovely link between the physical and mental.
creaking oars
the fireflies
echo the stars
Tore Sverredal
(1,2,6) = 13 Pts
Got my vote, though would be improved by dropping the first "the".
after the funeral ...
a lone firefly, blinking
quietly blinking
Carol Raisfeld
(0,4,5) = 13 Pts
Eighth Place – Twelve Points
fireflies
a worn path
to the outhouse
Carmel Lively Westerman
(1,1,7) = 12 Pts
This one mixes 'high' and 'low.' Basho would approve.
Very funny mix of high and low, and fireflies would be in the damp spot, so quite truthful.
so plain
in the morning light
~ firefly
Paul Hodder
(0,4,4) = 12 Pts
It's refreshing to read a firefly haiku that shows us the contrast between day and night. Thank you!
Perhaps Issa's perspective.
Ninth Place – Eleven Points
falling stars —
the forest fills
with fireflies
Nancy Smith
(0,3,5) = 11 Pts
its light showing
the edge of one leaf
firefly
Ella Wagemakers
(0,2,7) = 11 Pts
Tenth Place – Ten Points
fireflies courting —
it's an on and off
relationship
Nancy Nitrio
(0,1,8) = 10 Pts
Dawn —
my firefly turns into
a beetle
Gosia Zamorska
(0,3,4) = 10 Pts
Torn between the two with this theme, but they say different things about life, so I vote for both!
Eleventh Place – Nine Points
firefly jar –
her sleeping bag close to
her sister's
Ruth Powell
(1,2,2) = 9 Pts
I love the perfection of this captured moment, with neither the sisters nor the fireflies there except by implication.
Twelfth Place – Eighth Points
tiny sparks of light
flit about my dark garden
fireflies or fairies?
Ignatius
(0,3,2) = 8 Pts
Thirteenth Place – Seven Points
fireflies —
someone wrote haiku
in their light
Horst Ludwig
(1,1,2) = 7 Pts
firefly
at your gravesite —
my watch stopped
ARW
(0,3,1) = 7 Pts
firefly hunt -
almost there
then
the light
goes out
Laurene
(0,3,1) = 7 Pts
Perfect would perhaps be no 'out' but just "___"
one firefly, two —
the small lap-lapping
as we drift from shore
Lin Geary
0,2,3 = 7 Pts
helpless laughter...
the Ferris wheel dips us
into the fireflies
jt
(0,2,3) = 7 Pts
fireflies
light my path
to the full moon
php
(0,2,3) = 7 Pts
losing then finding
that first thought —
firefly
Joyce Clement
(0,1,5) = 7 Pts
Fourteenth Place – Six Points
a field of fairy tales —
the many lights of
fireflies
bre
(1,0,3) = 6 Pts
A standout for economy and mindfulness.
like this firefly
in this dark night...
my life
Li Ree
(0,2,2) = 6 Pts
firefly haze
in the rearview mirror —
the drive back home
sanjuktaa
(0,2,2) = 6 Pts
To me this suggests the glow of a safe childhood, 'home' as sanctuary.
starlight reception . . .
the ring bearer brings
the bride a firefly
Bill Pauly
(0,1,4) = 6 Pts
Fifteenth Place – Five Points
spotting a firefly,
the tiny ant stops and mulls...
what's wrong with the sun?
Abhinav Maurya
(1,1,0) = 5 Pts
the world a jar
firefly through
my door
mechaieh
(1,0,2) = 5 Pts
I love the way this turns things inside out in so many ways!
summer evening —
the random flash
of fireflies
Mary Lee McClure
(1,0,2) = 5 Pts
the firefly and i wait for the sunset
w. f. owen
(1,0,2) = 5 Pts
starless night
i let the firefly
guide me
Wojciech Wojnar
(0,2,1) = 5 Pts
the baby asleep —
a reflection of fireflies
in the water
P M F Johnson
(0,1,3) = 5 Pts
in tall grass
we chase the fireflies —
seven sisters
Bethel
(0,1,3) = 5 Pts
I'm always charmed to see an astronomy kigo.
home village
above the deep well
a firefly
Lech Szeglowski
(0,1,3) = 5 Pts
Sixteenth Place – Four Points
Firefly has gone
Silver lining of the cloud
Lit up by his soul.
Tanja
(1,0,1) = 4 Pts
Midnight storm;
Where did they suddenly go?
Fireflies and the moon
manoj saranathan
(1,0,1) = 4 Pts
A contemplative question that sparks many thoughts.
firefly on her hand
the cold glow of
young widow's ring
Dorota Pyra
(0,2,0) = 4 Pts
after the rain...
trees filled with fireflies
Christmas in July!
Rose Marie Stutts
(0,1,2) = 4 Pts
mother flashes the porch light —
in my cupped hands
a firefly's tickle
aom (tim)
(0,1,2) = 4 Pts
Fireflies —
a smear of phosphorescence
on the toddler's palm
Linda Papanicolaou
(0,1,2) = 4 Pts
Firefly —
lantern home for
nameless dog
Kurt R. W.
(0,1,2) = 4 Pts
wondering
about my ancestors —
fireflies
max verhart
(0,1,2) = 4 Pts
wheat field —
parade of fireflies
at dusk
Cindy Bene
(0,1,2) = 4 Pts
wedding march
the flower girl
chasing fireflies
Melissa Spurr
(0,0,4) = 4 Pts
Something about the magical firefly that lures us away from 'duty'.
Seventeenth Place – Three Points
the tot
mesmerized —
fireflies
Zhanna P. Rader
(1,0,0) = 3 Pts
Fourth of July
oh, firefly
how can you compete?
Barbara Campitelli
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts
The firefly
Alights on my sleeve
Ignoring me
James Sawers
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts
scent of sandalwood —
a firefly adds to
the light of incense
gillena
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts
her face
beyond the fireflies
moving light
Jo McInerney
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts
silent fireflies
in her throat a burning taste
of loneliness
Elena Naskova
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts
tree house nightlight
the small boy sneaks one more firefly
into the jar
Edward
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts
children shouting
"look, there's one!" —
the sound of fireflies
Shelley Krause
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts
Perseids
I recall summer
fireflies
Harvey Jenkins
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts
In the dog days of summer, to recall early summer nights when the heat was still welcomed and all of summer was ahead...nicely done.
holding flashlights
they twirl in the darkness —
pretend fireflies
Leslie Montgomery
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts
favorite uncle —
we trade fireflies
for sparklers
John Thompson
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts
restless mind
fireflies strobing
all over the meadow
Earl Keener
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts
rain drips
more slowly from the porch —
fireflies reappear
April Serock
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts
sun rose late this day
little time to learn so much
life of a firefly
1bodhisattva
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts
sudden blackout —
the old neighbourhood
full of fireflies
Israel Lopez Balan
(0,0,3) = 3 Pts
power outage ::
a firefly's slow progress
across the window
timothy russell
(0,0,3) = 3 Pts
broken curfew
she tries to blame
the fireflies
Susan Constable
(0,0,3) = 3 Pts
hot night
the afterglow
of a dead firefly
Collin Barber
(0,0,3) = 3 Pts
flash of shoes
children hunting
for fireflies
Jim Applegate
(0,0,3) = 3 Pts
absent minded —
following the flight
of the firefly
Jon Baldwin
(0,0,3) = 3 Pts
firefly hunt galaxies in a jar
John Stone
(0,0,3) = 3 Pts
General Comments:
This was much more difficult than writing my entries! I ended up creating three lists pruning down my favorites! And I sorely wish I could vote for the ones I left out.
Fireflies produced many evocative responses. Good poems.
It's something of a surprise that this magical (though traditional) topic seems to have produced relatively few good haiku. I wonder if participants were a bit haunted by the hundreds of years of haiku already written; perhaps such a weight may have inhibited imaginations.
Free Format Theme:
Documents
First Place – Twenty-seven Points
rejection letter
folding another
paper crane
Melissa Spurr
(1,6,12) = 27 Pts
The "making lemonade" approach to rejection slips. This will appeal to non-violent types. For the rest, see ‘third drink’. The two make a great matched set.
A nice image!
I love the gentle humor - the making of lemonade from yet another lemon.
A very creative use for useless paper!
Second Place – Twenty Points
on the fridge
the to-do list
you left me
Roberta Beary
(2,3,8) = 20 Pts
Oh, the glare in that last line's eye!
Like the W. C. Williams "Plum" poem, this says so much!
This made me think of someone returning home after the funeral of their spouse.
birth certificate:
the name of the father
he never knew
Catherine J.S. Lee
(1,4,9) = 20 Pts
Oh, man, does this ever resonate. This haiku expresses so concisely and perfectly the thoughts a person has when contemplating the importance of a mysterious name on a document so official and so personal. Well done!
yard sale —
the faded diploma
of a country doc
Carmen Sterba
(0,3,14) = 20 Pts
Third Place – Eighteen Points
will writing . . .
a lawn mower
strikes a rock
Alice Frampton
(2,4,4) = 18 Pts
For me, it's naming the executors; for others, something else that brings the writing to a halt.
root canal ~
staring at the dentist's
graduation certificate
Paul Hodder
(2,2,8) = 18 Pts
divorce papers
the envelope
surprisingly light
Neil Muscott
(1,6,3) = 18 Pts
Fourth Place – Fourteen Points
her medicare card
in this morning's mail . . .
the girl that I married
Bill Kenney
(1,2,7) = 14 Pts
An arresting mix of melancholy and joy - bittersweet. I am indebted to the author for expanding my understanding of wabi/sabi.
So much tenderness and nostalgia is expressed in this haiku.
Fifth Place – Thirteen Points
chopped onions
on a new cutting board
divorce papers
Deborah P Kolodji
(1,2,6) = 13 Pts
shotgun wedding
the invitation arrives
by email
Susan Constable
(0,4,5) = 13 Pts
'Marry in haste; repent at leisure' ;-?
Sixth Place – Twelve Points
tucked away
with her important papers —
my first report card
Shelley Krause
(1,2,5) = 12 Pts
wind change —
flood water
up to the parking ticket
aom (tim)
(1,1,7) = 12 Pts
Doubly damned, but nature's power is greater than officialdom, wryly amusing.
death certificate —
that's all I hold
in my arms
Barbara Campitelli
(0,2,8) = 12 Pts
A poignant haiku; the unsaid says so much.
reading
the divorce petition —
first raindrops
Jacek M.
(0,2,8) = 12 Pts
out of work
the framed diplomas
collecting dust
ed markowski
(0,1,10) = 12 Pts
Seventh Place – Eleven Points
youthful urgency
that love letter you wrote me
scrawled on a napkin
Conrad Sienkiewicz
(3,1,0) = 11 Pts
marriage license —
we squint to read
the fine print
John Thompson
(1,2,4) = 11 Pts
Eighth Place – Ten Points
in the parchment
of my hands —
reading the years
Donna Bauerly
(1,2,3) = 10 Pts
Utterly beautiful in all its silence and acceptance!
graduation . . .
grandma waves
her diploma
Carol Raisfeld
(0,2,6) = 10 Pts
I love the surprise of line 3.
The surprise contrast is uplifting.
Ninth Place – Nine Points
the VD clinic —
waiting for blood test results
I write valentines
Mykel Board
(0,3,3) = 9 Pts
Not to me, I hope. In other words, a most effective senryu.
Tenth Place – Eight Points
the long awaited letter says noCarol Pearce-Worthington
(1,0,5) = 8 Pts
tired thoughts
my diary and the gray noise
of a downpour
Ella Wagemakers
(0,3,2) = 8 Pts
Eleventh Place – Seven Points
rainy attic . . .
Mother's faded
birth certificate
Bill Pauly
(0,3,1) = 7 Pts
third drink—
framing the rejection slip
with my staple gun
Lin Geary
(0,1,5) = 7 Pts
Gratuitous violence. I love it. But is this the only way to deal with rejection slips? See ‘rejection letter’.
morning mail —
a letter to my son
from traffic court
Linda Papanicolaou
(0,1,5) = 7 Pts
power of attorney ::
mother tends the garden
in the nude
Sjs
(0,1,5) = 7 Pts
Twelfth Place – Six Points
next school report —
her pet doll
covered by dust
Dorota Pyra
(1,0,3) = 6 Pts
roadside diner
on the menu
a family history
deb koen
(0,1,4) = 6 Pts
Thirteenth Place – Five Points
divorce paper
a half of fresh orange
in his hand
Norsto
(1,1,0) = 5 Pts
first passport —
looking time and again
at the photo
Horst Ludwig
(1,0,2) = 5 Pts
a gnat
forever at takeoff —
the document's clauses page
jean cully
(1,0,2) = 5 Pts
sold
with the farm
deeds of a lifetime
Beth Powell
(1,0,2) = 5 Pts
again reading
his death certificate before
I return to nothing
Li Ree
(0,2,1) = 5 Pts
cause of death
on the pathology report:
God only knows....
Marlène Buitelaar
(0,1,3) = 5 Pts
"God only knows" why I like this one but I do.
Fourteenth Place – Four Points
four hundred years old
a monastery Bible
I turn the vellum page
Rose Marie Stutts
(1,0,1) = 4 Pts
such a long life
and a good one —
such a short Will
LGD
(0,2,0) = 4 Pts
Words on a paper
Stiletto stabbing a heart;
Will and testament.
Tanja
(0,1,2) = 4 Pts
using the Deed
as kindling for a campfire
after foreclosure
gourdman
(0,1,2) = 4 Pts
prairie drought
he stares hard at the horizon
divorce papers
Edward
(0,1,2) = 4 Pts
autumn twilight
the pauper sits down
to write his will
Gautam Nadkarni
(0,0,4) = 4 Pts
This is intriguing; what does the pauper have to will? The juxtaposition feels very right here.
the ''to do'' list --
my orderly mind
on paper
fedelmia
(0,0,4) = 4 Pts
"on paper" sneaks up on you; quietly effective.
A juxtaposition of similarities.
Fifteenth Place – Three Points
divorce decree
child cries on courthouse steps
balloon flies free
Cindy Bene
(1,0,0) = 3 Pts
the child stands
not knowing which hand to take
divorce papers sealed his fate
usha
(1,0,0) = 3 Pts
door closed
she hunts
for his wallet
mechaieh
(0,0,3) = 3 Pts
Headline —
my ex-wife
inherits
Garry Eaton
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts
border
my passport photo
borderline
tom painting
(0.0,3) = 3 Pts
with a kiss
I seal an envelope —
you touch my red lipstick
Daniela Bullas
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts
forty-eight years now
safe in my underwear drawer
my PhD
Paul O. Williams
(0,0,3) = 3 Pts
Rolled in a cardboard tube ;-?
smiling children
receive their certificates —
parents' day
Beverly Achieng
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts
forest fires. . .
a new lease signed
in indelible ink
Carole
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts
pardon me
...the judge
hard of hearing
Colin Stewart Jones
(0,0,3) = 3 Pts
The double entendre of L1 is perfect. Thanks for the smile.
new year's night
inky-black
feet touch paper
Jennifer Corpe
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts
reading of his will —
the sour expressions
on their sons' faces
Zhanna P. Rader
(0,0,3) = 3 Pts
the sky darkens —
a hesitation before
signing the contract
max verhart
(0,0,3) = 3 Pts
passport control —
all he wants to see
is her smile
Pia Sosua
(0,0,3) = 3 Pts
General Comments:
This was much more difficult than writing my entries! ‘autumn twilight’ is the best haiku in both the kukai categories according to me. Reminds me of the masters of haiku and the haiku as it is supposed to be! I ended up creating three lists pruning down my favorites! And I sorely wish I could vote for the ones I left out.
I'm always afraid that poems on my short list that don't make the final cut will wind up with zero points, giving the misleading impression that nobody liked them. And I'll try to keep this in mind for my next zero.
Some really creative responses to the documents prompt.