Congratulations to Collin Barber, winner of our Kigo section and to Gosia Zamorska, winner of our Free Format section!
May 2008 Results
Kigo Theme:
Lily
First Place – Thirty Points
heat wave
a child waters
the fire lily
Collin Barber
(1,6,15) = 30 Pts
Love the simplicity of this, with its similarities and contrasts . . . plus the delight of finding a child in the midst of it all.
Second Place – Twenty-five Points
moon in the lilies
she asks me
to stay the night
Francine Banwarth
(3,4,8) = 25 Pts
With the moon in (not "on") the lilies, an invitation no one could reject.
Third place – Twenty-four Points
ikebana
just a lily
and a lily
max verhart
(2,6,6) = 24 Pts
As elegant as the thing it describes: the spirit of ikebana.
Fourth Place – Eighteen Points
between me
and my dark reflection
...a lily
Melissa Spurr
(1,4,7) = 18 Pts
There is wabi/sabi here in the beauty of the lily, though passing, like the saint, leaves behind an odor of sanctity.
Fifth Place – Sixteen Points
spring moon —
the silence of lilies
on the night table
Israel Lopez Balan
(0,3,10) = 16 Pts
Sixth Place – Fifteen Points
finishing breakfast —
the lily on the table
loses a petal
Paul O. Williams
(0,4,7) = 15 Pts
church graveyard —
from nowhere at all
the fragrance of lily
Gautam Nadkarni
(0,5,5) = 15 Pts
As good haiku should do, this captures a moment in time.
Seventh Place – Fourteen Points
full milk moon
— the curve
of a calla lily
Devika
(1,3,5) = 14 Pts
Beautifully sensual, reminding of a woman's breast and that with a spiritual component. Excellent.
The curve and color of the moon and lily serve as lovely juxtapositions. Very sensual.
midsummer
the scent of lily
outlasts the day
tom painting
(0.2.10) = 14 Pts
The way the sounds of line 2 are recapitulated in line 3, especially the concentration of sounds in "outlasts."
Eighth Place – Thirteen Points
around his tombstone
Lilies of the Valley
and a Bleeding Heart
gourdman
(2,1,5) = 13 Pts
I like the double meaning here.
stargazing
the scent of lilies
on a moonless night
Linda Papanicolaou
(0,3,7) = 13 Pts
Ninth Place – Eleven Points
a toy boat
lost among water lilies
dragonflies
John Daleiden
(0,1,9) = 11 Pts
the lilies
he despised
now on his grave
Marlène Buitelaar
(0,2,7) = 11 Pts
This shows how a haiku can be bigger than the moment; a lot is implied about the history between the mourner and departed.
Tenth Place – Ten Points
almost dusk ...
a white lily
brightens the porch
Carol Raisfeld
(1,0,7) = 10 Pts
Pond mirror:
the moon lies near
a water lily
Magdalena Dale
(1,0,7) = 10 Pts
picking lilies —
her freckles darken
in the sunlight
Susan Constable
(1,3,1) = 10 Pts
Eleventh Place – Nine Points
moving day —
last of her lilies
on the tip of his nose
Lin Geary
(1,2,2) = 9 Pts
Twelfth Place – Eighth Points
damaged
the dragonfly chooses
a water lily coffin
Carmel Lively Westerman
(0,2,4) = 8 Pts
dawn chill —
a desert lily sways
on the breeze
Darrell Byrd
(1,2,1) = 8 Pts
darkening sky —
the painter deepens the blue
of water-lily
Dorota Pyra
(0,2,4) = 8 Pts
reflected light
among water lilies
a sinking coin
Jerzy Malysz
(0,2,4) = 8 Pts
cool sunset
the lily
darkens
Jon Baldwin
(1,2,1) = 8 Pts
Cool, indeed.
hot afternoon —
hummingbirds fan
the firecracker lilies
Nancy Nitrio
(0,1,6) = 8 Pts
Thirteenth Place – Seven Points
into the lily sunlight
out of the lily an ant
w. f. owen (1,1,2) = 7 Pts
A pleasant twist on Nick Virgilio's famous haiku, however this seems almost like alchemy with the lily as alchemist converting sunlight into perhaps a red ant.
calla lilies —
a young bride changes
out of her dress
DeVar
(0,2,3) = 7 Pts
fresh lilies
at the funeral service
and grandpa so still
Glen Keener
(0,2,3) = 7 Pts
holding up beauty
with all its fingers
lily in the pond
john tiong chunghoo
(1,1,2) = 7 Pts
mothers day —
bringing lilies
to her grave
Judith Gorgone
(0,0,7) = 7 Pts
on the white lily,
blue butterfly
missing a wing
Sean Perkins
(1,0,4) = 7 Pts
even in deep woods
the sun angles its way in —
trout lilies
Shelley Krause
(0,3,1) = 7 Pts
lily
not quite where the silt
turns silver
Sue Stanford
(1,0,4) = 7 Pts
spring garden —
stray kittens nestle
beneath a tiger lily
Tristan Coleridge
(0,1,5) = 7 Pts
Fourteenth Place – Six Points
bending slightly
to the sun
the lily
Bill Hudson
(0,2,2) = 6 Pts
Excellent example of simplicity of language and a subtle image, we are not told what to think or feel.
This morning
all the garden is white ...
lilies in bloom
Don Basilio
(0,2,2) = 6 Pts
stargazers tonight the scent of him
Jennifer Corpe
(0,2,2) = 6 Pts
pajama party —
some unopened buds
on the cluster lily
Laurene
(1,0,3) = 6 Pts
Small green frog
white water lily
one less fly.
Trevor Camp
(1,0,3) = 6 Pts
Fifteenth – Five Points
spring sun
warms the old barn wall
still, the daylilies wait
April Serock
(0,2,1) = 5 Pts
another Easter
one more lily pot enters
her perennial garden
Audrey Downey
(0,1,3) = 5 Pts
tiger lilies
guarding
the old homestead
Beth Powell
(0,0,5) = 5 Pts
earth star
a water lily
in moonlight
Frances McCarthy
(0,0,5) = 5 Pts
pressed tiger lily
my diary records
our first kiss
Harvey Jenkins
(0,1,3) = 5 Pts
down the valley
a lonely traveler
bound for a lily
Keith Simmonds
(0,2,1) = 5 Pts
lilies blossoming —
a leashless dog smells
some dung
Lech Szeglowski
(0,1,3) = 5 Pts
sunrise . . .
the water-lily's
breakfast
Mary Davila
(1,0,2) = 5 Pts
starry night —
the garden is lighted
by the white lily
miorita
(0,1,3) = 5 Pts
koi pond —
a water lily brooding
over shadows
Nancy Smith
(0,1,3) = 5 Pts
The use of 'brooding' is so very nice . . . allows me to feel the atmosphere as well as see the image.
around the lily
rain drops pound
the hissing pond
Neil Muscott
(0,1,3) = 5 Pts
pink lilies
outside the grocery —
she pauses
Ruth Powell
(0,0,5) = 5 Pts
Sixteenth Place – Four Points
steeple bells
lilies-of-the-valley nod
in the fresh breeze
Catherine J.S. Lee
(0,1,2) = 4 Pts
Beautiful shasei, observation of what is and a fine seasonal picture.
heated argument —
their peace lily
wilts
Leslie Montgomery
(0,0,4) = 4 Pts
lily pad
frog's diving board
splash!
Meredith Stern Cavalieri
(0,2,0) = 4 Pts
lilies in bloom
without her this year —
misty morning
Pris Campbell
(0,0,4) = 4 Pts
dawn shower —
the calla lily unfolds
her petal
Rita Odeh
(0,0,4) = 4 Pts
lily pads
this year the pond
so green
sakyu
(1,0,1) = 4 Pts
quiet garden
sipping a glass of wine
amaryllis blooms
terrytip
(0,1,2) = 4 Pts
Seventeenth Place – Three Points
lily blooms~
in the eyes
of the newborn
Apurva
(0,0,3) = 3 Pts
the lovers' garden
a lily pad floats
on a cloud
Bill Kenney
(0,0,3) = 3 Pts
fishing opener
beside the trout lily
an empty creel
Edward
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts
a life long fight
against dangerous stamens —
beautiful lily
emile molhuysen
((0,1,1) = 3 Pts
midsummer —
hot even among
of snow-white lilies
Jacek M.
(0,0,3) = 3 Pts
Stargazer lilies
For Mother's Day
He doesn't call
meg
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts
sunday stroll
the lilies of the valley
revisited
og_a
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts
lily pond
the frog's eyes bob up
among the pads
RaV
(0,0,3) = 3 Pts
teardroplets
of a Tale Fairy —
lilies-of-the-valley
Vasile Moldovan
(0,0,3) = 3 Pts
Free Format Theme:
Musical Instrument
First Place – Forty-two Points
old piano —
from every key
the same silence
Gosia Zamorska
(3,8,17) = 42 Pts
How many families have that piano that doesn't get played?
Second Place – Thirty-seven Points
harp song
rain crosses
a pond
Sherry Weaver Smith
(3,8,12) = 37 Pts
Third Place – Twenty-six Points
evening
a mockingbird returns
the song of my flute
Rose Marie Stutts
(2,6,8) = 26 Pts
Fourth Place – Eighteen Points
falling star
the plink
of a piano key
ed markowski
(0,4,10) = 18 Pts
Caught in a plink!
Another beautiful and simple expression of words.
Fifth Place – Seventeen Points
yellow moon
the banjo
lifted out of its case
Beth Powell
(3,2,4) = 17 Pts
The use of the word yellow implies a lot: summer nights, the age of the banjo, the moon like shape of the banjo.
The color of the moon immediately transfers, for me, to the color of the banjo . . . and the similarity in shape reinforces the image. Soon, the beauty of the moon will also be found in the sounds from the banjo.
Sixth Place – Sixteen Points
child's piano
the cluttered notes
of our applause
Collin Barber
(1,1,11) = 16 Pts
I would take "of" out of last line leaving the reader to group the lines more freely if "the cluttered notes" can partner with either the child's playing OR the applause.
Just a few words, simply stated, that say so much. I see a young child, perhaps at his/her first piano recital. 'Cluttered' feels perfect . . . no one's really enthusiastic about the quality of the playing, but tries to encourage the child by clapping.
Seventh Place – Fifteen Points
gypsy guitar
the wind
awakens
Elena Naskova
(1,2,8) = 15 Pts
Eighth Place – Fourteen Points
dusting
the church organ
she hums a show tune
Neil Muscott
(1,0,11) = 14 Pts
flute song
a poster of dolphins
drifts through the subway
ARW
(2,1,6) = 14 Pts
Superbly crafted, as lines 1 and 2 are fused in the "drifts" of line 3. As a subway rider, I find this especially meaningful and especially beautiful. To the poet: Yes, I know what you mean.
Ninth Place – Eleven Points
midsummer night
a jazzman's trumpet
aims at the stars
Bill Kenney
(0,1,9) = 11 Pts
first piano lesson —
dandelion seeds float
by the window
Devika
(1,0,8) = 11 Pts
Oh, those first few note! They're weak and hesitant, floating through the air like dandelion fluff. One hopes that they'll blow away and not settle too close to home.
new tune on the piano
the whiteness
of her ring finger
Katrina Shepherd
(0,2,7) = 11 Pts
I loved the Aha in this. New tune indeed!
quiet evening
the cat's unhurried stroll
down the piano keys
RaV
(1,2,4) = 11 Pts
Very good in its simplicity and naturalism, though I'd might omit that second 'the' in L3.
Tenth Place – Ten Points
soft rain . . .
everything he knows
about the piano
Francine Banwarth
(0,1,8) = 10 Pts
A bit mysterious, as this kind of knowledge has to be.
grandpa's attic
a spider crawls out
of his saxophone
Susan Constable
(0,0,10) = 10 Pts
Eleventh Place – Nine Points
song of birds —
a street musician
tunes his guitar
Israel Lopez Balan
(0,2,5) = 9 Pts
first warm day missed notes at the piano
w. f. owen
(0,3,3) = 9 Pts
I liked this one for its multiple interpretations (e.g., no notes/wrong notes/nostalgia for notes/day missed).
Twelfth Place – Eighth Points
moving day
I help the evicted renter
take out his drums
andrea
(0,1,6) = 8 Pts
Good example of a senryu.
Oh, yes, poor drummer.
the row of ants
stopping suddenly ...
vesper bell
Don Basilio
(0,1,6) = 8 Pts
A flute
mourns
The moon
James Sawers
(1,1,3) = 8 Pts
flute warm up —
the tender touch
of her lips
Rita Odeh
(1,1,3) = 8 Pts
The double suggestion here is very sexy.
guitar duet
my little green parakeet
chirps the last note
teri
(0,2,4) = 8 Pts
One less adjective in the second line.
Thirteenth Place – Seven Points
Arlington trumpet
the flag
sort of blurry
Barbara Snow
(2,0,1) = 7 Pts
Excellent in every way. I love the way the line spacing suggests a windblown banner and 'blurry' suggests tears while the colloquial ‘sort of' saves it from sentimentality. Doubtless it's the more meaningful to me because my father's buried there along with so many others of this country's fallen.
Fourteenth Place – Six Points
oboe solo —
wishing I had stuck
with baseball
Bill Pauly
(0,2,2) = 6 Pts
her first
solo concert
wooden spoon on pot
Bill Hudson
(0,1,4) = 6 Pts
piano practice . . .
from the playground sandlot
crack of the bat
Ellen Compton
(0,0,6) = 6 Pts
Fifteenth Place – Five Points
the guitar
at the same corner
the day he left
Audrey Downey
(0,1,3) = 5 Pts
evening bath —
steaming in the soft strums
of the koto
isabelle prondzynski
(0,2,1) = 5 Pts
beach bongos . . .
the scent of patchouli
at sundown
Jennifer Corpe
(1,0,2) = 5 Pts
Scent of lime and
this resonance of violin strings…
still of night
Magdalena Dale
(1,1,0) = 5 Pts
summer camp
muffled giggles
after taps
Meredith Stern Cavalieri
(0,1,3) = 5 Pts
the cat stretching
across the piano keys
moonlight sonata
Sjs
(0.0.5) = 5 Pts
Line 3 made me grin like a Cheshire cat!
climbing the walls
of Canyon de Chelly
flute music
tom painting
(1,0,2) = 5 Pts
Sixteenth Place – Four Points
first band class
the smallest student
chooses a sousaphone
Carmel Lively Westerman
(0,0,4) = 4 Pts
a cello's voice
in the autumn dusk
aged brandy
Catherine J.S. Lee
(0,0,4) = 4 Pts
rhythm of taiko
the beat of my own being
echoes to my soul
Deirdre Godwin
(0,2,0) = 4 Pts
waxing moon
carried by the wind
the sound of drums
Ella Wagemakers
(0,1,2) = 4 Pts
a saxophone croons
through the open window...
your slow caress
Melissa Spurr
(0,0,4) = 4 Pts
Mmm. Deliciously sensual.
starry night —
simulating rain
at the piano
miorita
(0,0,4) = 4 Pts
I can hear that piano, and take it to suggest that the writer's mood is more of sadness than the hope stars represent.
the sound of nature
wind blowing through bamboos
shakahachi zen
Mr PC
(0,2,0) = 4 Pts
on the porch,
trying to persuade
his trumpet
og_a
(0,0,4) = 4 Pts
Seventeenth Place – Three Points
interlude
we tap a duet
on wine glasses
Allison Millcock
(0,0,3) = 3 Pts
bugle call . . .
a final farewell echoes
into the mist
Carol Raisfeld
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts
levee break —
Bad River's harmonica
moans the blues
Edward
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts
Very real! I can almost smell NOLA.
lightning
in the window
jangle of guitar
Jacek M.
(0,0,3) = 3 Pts
dark clouds
over the front range —
distant drumming
Jeff Hanson
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts
Vision and sound blended in perfect harmony.
when Johnny comes
home again —
the beat of the drum
jill
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts
morning sunlight
through the mangoes
a ukulele
Josh Wikoff
(0,0,3) = 3 Pts
wife's labor pains —
across the room
his cello groans
Leslie Montgomery
(0,0,3) = 3 Pts
estate dispersal:
my brother picks Dad's guitar
and we try to laugh
LGD
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts
old age home —
a rusted harmonica
litters the lawn
Mary Davila
(0,0,3) = 3 Pts
the rat climbs
out of his cage
ukulele tune
Myron Lysenko
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts
round tuba tones,
nearly as round
as the player
Paul O. Williams
(0,0,3) = 3 Pts
waning moon —
a harmonica glints
through the smoke haze
Ron Moss
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts
This is lovely. I can vividly see the glint and hear that harmonica wailing through the campfire smoke.
bassoon lessons —
young geese call to each other,
running on the lake
Shelley Krause
(0,0,3) = 3 Pts
Hermitage in mountains...
ring of bells filling up
the valley
Vasile Moldovan
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts
General Comments: I liked this free format topic a lot. It was very relaxing to read the haiku and 'listen' to them at the same time.
This time it was very difficult choice - so many good poems!
#128 and 136 were excellent, except that as I understood the rules, a specific musical instrument had to be there. "Taps" may imply a bugle or drum, but I think it has to be mentioned. In 128 a piano piece and the pianist are mentioned, but not the piano.
128.
Les Adieux...
the pianist fixing eyes
on nothing
136. not a specific instrument; have to check the rules- I read it as the bugle has to be mentioned.
summer camp
muffled giggles
after taps
Many beautiful entries, but not enough points to go around!