May 2008 Kukai

Kigo Theme:

Lily

First Place – Thirty Points

heat wave

a child waters

the fire lily

Collin Barber

(1,6,15) = 30 Pts

Love the simplicity of this, with its similarities and contrasts . . . plus the delight of finding a child in the midst of it all.

Second Place – Twenty-five Points

moon in the lilies

she asks me

to stay the night

Francine Banwarth

(3,4,8) = 25 Pts

With the moon in (not "on") the lilies, an invitation no one could reject.

Third place – Twenty-four Points

ikebana

just a lily

and a lily

max verhart

(2,6,6) = 24 Pts

As elegant as the thing it describes: the spirit of ikebana.

Fourth Place – Eighteen Points

between me

and my dark reflection

...a lily

Melissa Spurr

(1,4,7) = 18 Pts

There is wabi/sabi here in the beauty of the lily, though passing, like the saint, leaves behind an odor of sanctity.

Fifth Place – Sixteen Points

spring moon —

the silence of lilies

on the night table

Israel Lopez Balan

(0,3,10) = 16 Pts

Sixth Place – Fifteen Points

finishing breakfast —

the lily on the table

loses a petal

Paul O. Williams

(0,4,7) = 15 Pts

church graveyard —

from nowhere at all

the fragrance of lily

Gautam Nadkarni

(0,5,5) = 15 Pts

As good haiku should do, this captures a moment in time.

Seventh Place – Fourteen Points

full milk moon

— the curve

of a calla lily

Devika

(1,3,5) = 14 Pts

Beautifully sensual, reminding of a woman's breast and that with a spiritual component. Excellent.

The curve and color of the moon and lily serve as lovely juxtapositions. Very sensual.

midsummer

the scent of lily

outlasts the day

tom painting

(0.2.10) = 14 Pts

The way the sounds of line 2 are recapitulated in line 3, especially the concentration of sounds in "outlasts."

Eighth Place – Thirteen Points

around his tombstone

Lilies of the Valley

and a Bleeding Heart

gourdman

(2,1,5) = 13 Pts

I like the double meaning here.

stargazing

the scent of lilies

on a moonless night

Linda Papanicolaou

(0,3,7) = 13 Pts

Ninth Place – Eleven Points

a toy boat

lost among water lilies

dragonflies

John Daleiden

(0,1,9) = 11 Pts

the lilies

he despised

now on his grave

Marlène Buitelaar

(0,2,7) = 11 Pts

This shows how a haiku can be bigger than the moment; a lot is implied about the history between the mourner and departed.

Tenth Place – Ten Points

almost dusk ...

a white lily

brightens the porch

Carol Raisfeld

(1,0,7) = 10 Pts

Pond mirror:

the moon lies near

a water lily

Magdalena Dale

(1,0,7) = 10 Pts

picking lilies —

her freckles darken

in the sunlight

Susan Constable

(1,3,1) = 10 Pts

Eleventh Place – Nine Points

moving day —

last of her lilies

on the tip of his nose

Lin Geary

(1,2,2) = 9 Pts

Twelfth Place – Eighth Points

damaged

the dragonfly chooses

a water lily coffin

Carmel Lively Westerman

(0,2,4) = 8 Pts

dawn chill —

a desert lily sways

on the breeze

Darrell Byrd

(1,2,1) = 8 Pts

darkening sky —

the painter deepens the blue

of water-lily

Dorota Pyra

(0,2,4) = 8 Pts

reflected light

among water lilies

a sinking coin

Jerzy Malysz

(0,2,4) = 8 Pts

cool sunset

the lily

darkens

Jon Baldwin

(1,2,1) = 8 Pts

Cool, indeed.

hot afternoon —

hummingbirds fan

the firecracker lilies

Nancy Nitrio

(0,1,6) = 8 Pts

Thirteenth Place – Seven Points

into the lily sunlight

out of the lily an ant

w. f. owen (1,1,2) = 7 Pts

A pleasant twist on Nick Virgilio's famous haiku, however this seems almost like alchemy with the lily as alchemist converting sunlight into perhaps a red ant.

calla lilies —

a young bride changes

out of her dress

DeVar

(0,2,3) = 7 Pts

fresh lilies

at the funeral service

and grandpa so still

Glen Keener

(0,2,3) = 7 Pts

holding up beauty

with all its fingers

lily in the pond

john tiong chunghoo

(1,1,2) = 7 Pts

mothers day —

bringing lilies

to her grave

Judith Gorgone

(0,0,7) = 7 Pts

on the white lily,

blue butterfly

missing a wing

Sean Perkins

(1,0,4) = 7 Pts

even in deep woods

the sun angles its way in —

trout lilies

Shelley Krause

(0,3,1) = 7 Pts

lily

not quite where the silt

turns silver

Sue Stanford

(1,0,4) = 7 Pts

spring garden —

stray kittens nestle

beneath a tiger lily

Tristan Coleridge

(0,1,5) = 7 Pts

Fourteenth Place – Six Points

bending slightly

to the sun

the lily

Bill Hudson

(0,2,2) = 6 Pts

Excellent example of simplicity of language and a subtle image, we are not told what to think or feel.

This morning

all the garden is white ...

lilies in bloom

Don Basilio

(0,2,2) = 6 Pts

stargazers tonight the scent of him

Jennifer Corpe

(0,2,2) = 6 Pts

pajama party —

some unopened buds

on the cluster lily

Laurene

(1,0,3) = 6 Pts

Small green frog

white water lily

one less fly.

Trevor Camp

(1,0,3) = 6 Pts

Fifteenth – Five Points

spring sun

warms the old barn wall

still, the daylilies wait

April Serock

(0,2,1) = 5 Pts

another Easter

one more lily pot enters

her perennial garden

Audrey Downey

(0,1,3) = 5 Pts

tiger lilies

guarding

the old homestead

Beth Powell

(0,0,5) = 5 Pts

earth star

a water lily

in moonlight

Frances McCarthy

(0,0,5) = 5 Pts

pressed tiger lily

my diary records

our first kiss

Harvey Jenkins

(0,1,3) = 5 Pts

down the valley

a lonely traveler

bound for a lily

Keith Simmonds

(0,2,1) = 5 Pts

lilies blossoming —

a leashless dog smells

some dung

Lech Szeglowski

(0,1,3) = 5 Pts

sunrise . . .

the water-lily's

breakfast

Mary Davila

(1,0,2) = 5 Pts

starry night —

the garden is lighted

by the white lily

miorita

(0,1,3) = 5 Pts

koi pond —

a water lily brooding

over shadows

Nancy Smith

(0,1,3) = 5 Pts

The use of 'brooding' is so very nice . . . allows me to feel the atmosphere as well as see the image.

around the lily

rain drops pound

the hissing pond

Neil Muscott

(0,1,3) = 5 Pts

pink lilies

outside the grocery —

she pauses

Ruth Powell

(0,0,5) = 5 Pts

Sixteenth Place – Four Points

steeple bells

lilies-of-the-valley nod

in the fresh breeze

Catherine J.S. Lee

(0,1,2) = 4 Pts

Beautiful shasei, observation of what is and a fine seasonal picture.

heated argument —

their peace lily

wilts

Leslie Montgomery

(0,0,4) = 4 Pts

lily pad

frog's diving board

splash!

Meredith Stern Cavalieri

(0,2,0) = 4 Pts

lilies in bloom

without her this year —

misty morning

Pris Campbell

(0,0,4) = 4 Pts

dawn shower —

the calla lily unfolds

her petal

Rita Odeh

(0,0,4) = 4 Pts

lily pads

this year the pond

so green

sakyu

(1,0,1) = 4 Pts

quiet garden

sipping a glass of wine

amaryllis blooms

terrytip

(0,1,2) = 4 Pts

Seventeenth Place – Three Points

lily blooms~

in the eyes

of the newborn

Apurva

(0,0,3) = 3 Pts

the lovers' garden

a lily pad floats

on a cloud

Bill Kenney

(0,0,3) = 3 Pts

fishing opener

beside the trout lily

an empty creel

Edward

(0,1,1) = 3 Pts

a life long fight

against dangerous stamens —

beautiful lily

emile molhuysen

((0,1,1) = 3 Pts

midsummer —

hot even among

of snow-white lilies

Jacek M.

(0,0,3) = 3 Pts

Stargazer lilies

For Mother's Day

He doesn't call

meg

(0,1,1) = 3 Pts

sunday stroll

the lilies of the valley

revisited

og_a

(0,1,1) = 3 Pts

lily pond

the frog's eyes bob up

among the pads

RaV

(0,0,3) = 3 Pts

teardroplets

of a Tale Fairy —

lilies-of-the-valley

Vasile Moldovan

(0,0,3) = 3 Pts

Free Format Theme:

Musical Instrument

First Place – Forty-two Points

old piano —

from every key

the same silence

Gosia Zamorska

(3,8,17) = 42 Pts

How many families have that piano that doesn't get played?

Second Place – Thirty-seven Points

harp song

rain crosses

a pond

Sherry Weaver Smith

(3,8,12) = 37 Pts

Third Place – Twenty-six Points

evening

a mockingbird returns

the song of my flute

Rose Marie Stutts

(2,6,8) = 26 Pts

Fourth Place – Eighteen Points

falling star

the plink

of a piano key

ed markowski

(0,4,10) = 18 Pts

Caught in a plink!

Another beautiful and simple expression of words.

Fifth Place – Seventeen Points

yellow moon

the banjo

lifted out of its case

Beth Powell

(3,2,4) = 17 Pts

The use of the word yellow implies a lot: summer nights, the age of the banjo, the moon like shape of the banjo.

The color of the moon immediately transfers, for me, to the color of the banjo . . . and the similarity in shape reinforces the image. Soon, the beauty of the moon will also be found in the sounds from the banjo.

Sixth Place – Sixteen Points

child's piano

the cluttered notes

of our applause

Collin Barber

(1,1,11) = 16 Pts

I would take "of" out of last line leaving the reader to group the lines more freely if "the cluttered notes" can partner with either the child's playing OR the applause.

Just a few words, simply stated, that say so much. I see a young child, perhaps at his/her first piano recital. 'Cluttered' feels perfect . . . no one's really enthusiastic about the quality of the playing, but tries to encourage the child by clapping.

Seventh Place – Fifteen Points

gypsy guitar

the wind

awakens

Elena Naskova

(1,2,8) = 15 Pts

Eighth Place – Fourteen Points

dusting

the church organ

she hums a show tune

Neil Muscott

(1,0,11) = 14 Pts

flute song

a poster of dolphins

drifts through the subway

ARW

(2,1,6) = 14 Pts

Superbly crafted, as lines 1 and 2 are fused in the "drifts" of line 3. As a subway rider, I find this especially meaningful and especially beautiful. To the poet: Yes, I know what you mean.

Ninth Place – Eleven Points

midsummer night

a jazzman's trumpet

aims at the stars

Bill Kenney

(0,1,9) = 11 Pts

first piano lesson —

dandelion seeds float

by the window

Devika

(1,0,8) = 11 Pts

Oh, those first few note! They're weak and hesitant, floating through the air like dandelion fluff. One hopes that they'll blow away and not settle too close to home.

new tune on the piano

the whiteness

of her ring finger

Katrina Shepherd

(0,2,7) = 11 Pts

I loved the Aha in this. New tune indeed!

quiet evening

the cat's unhurried stroll

down the piano keys

RaV

(1,2,4) = 11 Pts

Very good in its simplicity and naturalism, though I'd might omit that second 'the' in L3.

Tenth Place – Ten Points

soft rain . . .

everything he knows

about the piano

Francine Banwarth

(0,1,8) = 10 Pts

A bit mysterious, as this kind of knowledge has to be.

grandpa's attic

a spider crawls out

of his saxophone

Susan Constable

(0,0,10) = 10 Pts

Eleventh Place – Nine Points

song of birds —

a street musician

tunes his guitar

Israel Lopez Balan

(0,2,5) = 9 Pts

first warm day missed notes at the piano

w. f. owen

(0,3,3) = 9 Pts

I liked this one for its multiple interpretations (e.g., no notes/wrong notes/nostalgia for notes/day missed).

Twelfth Place – Eighth Points

moving day

I help the evicted renter

take out his drums

andrea

(0,1,6) = 8 Pts

Good example of a senryu.

Oh, yes, poor drummer.

the row of ants

stopping suddenly ...

vesper bell

Don Basilio

(0,1,6) = 8 Pts

A flute

mourns

The moon

James Sawers

(1,1,3) = 8 Pts

flute warm up —

the tender touch

of her lips

Rita Odeh

(1,1,3) = 8 Pts

The double suggestion here is very sexy.

guitar duet

my little green parakeet

chirps the last note

teri

(0,2,4) = 8 Pts

One less adjective in the second line.

Thirteenth Place – Seven Points

Arlington trumpet

       the flag

          sort of blurry

Barbara Snow

(2,0,1) = 7 Pts

Excellent in every way. I love the way the line spacing suggests a windblown banner and 'blurry' suggests tears while the colloquial ‘sort of' saves it from sentimentality. Doubtless it's the more meaningful to me because my father's buried there along with so many others of this country's fallen.

Fourteenth Place – Six Points

oboe solo —

wishing I had stuck

with baseball

Bill Pauly

(0,2,2) = 6 Pts

her first

solo concert

wooden spoon on pot

Bill Hudson

(0,1,4) = 6 Pts

piano practice . . .

from the playground sandlot

crack of the bat

Ellen Compton

(0,0,6) = 6 Pts

Fifteenth Place – Five Points

the guitar

at the same corner

the day he left

Audrey Downey

(0,1,3) = 5 Pts

evening bath —

steaming in the soft strums

of the koto

isabelle prondzynski

(0,2,1) = 5 Pts

beach bongos . . .

the scent of patchouli

at sundown

Jennifer Corpe

(1,0,2) = 5 Pts

Scent of lime and

this resonance of violin strings…

still of night

Magdalena Dale

(1,1,0) = 5 Pts

summer camp

muffled giggles

after taps

Meredith Stern Cavalieri

(0,1,3) = 5 Pts

the cat stretching

across the piano keys

moonlight sonata

Sjs

(0.0.5) = 5 Pts

Line 3 made me grin like a Cheshire cat!

climbing the walls

of Canyon de Chelly

flute music

tom painting

(1,0,2) = 5 Pts

Sixteenth Place – Four Points

first band class

the smallest student

chooses a sousaphone

Carmel Lively Westerman

(0,0,4) = 4 Pts

a cello's voice

in the autumn dusk

aged brandy

Catherine J.S. Lee

(0,0,4) = 4 Pts

rhythm of taiko

the beat of my own being

echoes to my soul

Deirdre Godwin

(0,2,0) = 4 Pts

waxing moon

carried by the wind

the sound of drums

Ella Wagemakers

(0,1,2) = 4 Pts

a saxophone croons

through the open window...

your slow caress

Melissa Spurr

(0,0,4) = 4 Pts

Mmm. Deliciously sensual.

starry night —

simulating rain

at the piano

miorita

(0,0,4) = 4 Pts

I can hear that piano, and take it to suggest that the writer's mood is more of sadness than the hope stars represent.

the sound of nature

wind blowing through bamboos

shakahachi zen

Mr PC

(0,2,0) = 4 Pts

on the porch,

trying to persuade

his trumpet

og_a

(0,0,4) = 4 Pts

Seventeenth Place – Three Points

interlude

we tap a duet

on wine glasses

Allison Millcock

(0,0,3) = 3 Pts

bugle call . . .

a final farewell echoes

into the mist

Carol Raisfeld

(0,1,1) = 3 Pts

levee break —

Bad River's harmonica

moans the blues

Edward

(0,1,1) = 3 Pts

Very real! I can almost smell NOLA.

lightning

in the window

jangle of guitar

Jacek M.

(0,0,3) = 3 Pts

dark clouds

over the front range —

distant drumming

Jeff Hanson

(0,1,1) = 3 Pts

Vision and sound blended in perfect harmony.

when Johnny comes

home again —

the beat of the drum

jill

(0,1,1) = 3 Pts

morning sunlight

through the mangoes

a ukulele

Josh Wikoff

(0,0,3) = 3 Pts

wife's labor pains —

across the room

his cello groans

Leslie Montgomery

(0,0,3) = 3 Pts

estate dispersal:

my brother picks Dad's guitar

and we try to laugh

LGD

(0,1,1) = 3 Pts

old age home —

a rusted harmonica

litters the lawn

Mary Davila

(0,0,3) = 3 Pts

the rat climbs

out of his cage

ukulele tune

Myron Lysenko

(0,1,1) = 3 Pts

round tuba tones,

nearly as round

as the player

Paul O. Williams

(0,0,3) = 3 Pts

waning moon —

a harmonica glints

through the smoke haze

Ron Moss

(0,1,1) = 3 Pts

This is lovely. I can vividly see the glint and hear that harmonica wailing through the campfire smoke.

bassoon lessons —

young geese call to each other,

running on the lake

Shelley Krause

(0,0,3) = 3 Pts

Hermitage in mountains...

ring of bells filling up

the valley

Vasile Moldovan

(0,1,1) = 3 Pts

General Comments: I liked this free format topic a lot. It was very relaxing to read the haiku and 'listen' to them at the same time.

This time it was very difficult choice - so many good poems!

#128 and 136 were excellent, except that as I understood the rules, a specific musical instrument had to be there. "Taps" may imply a bugle or drum, but I think it has to be mentioned. In 128 a piano piece and the pianist are mentioned, but not the piano.

128.

Les Adieux...

the pianist fixing eyes

on nothing

136. not a specific instrument; have to check the rules- I read it as the bugle has to be mentioned.

summer camp

muffled giggles

after taps

Many beautiful entries, but not enough points to go around!