July 2007 Kukai

Congratulations to Paul Hodder, winner of our Kigo section and to Nancy Smith, winner of our Free Format section!

July 2007 Results

Kigo Theme:

Flea

First Place -- 34 points

flea haiku ~

I scratch

my head

Paul Hodder

(3,4,18) = 34 pts

No more than clever, perhaps, but no less.

Second Place --28 points

sand fleas

the bites don't stop

at her tan line

Susan Constable

(1,7,11) = 28 pts

Very seasonal without the use of "summer" and great, vivid image. I feel those bites on her covered parts.

Of course, it's none of my business . . .

I'm not sure what 'tan line' has to do with it, but I am sure the boyfriend had fun checking for more.

Third Place -- 25 points

flea market

the bargainer stops

to scratch his head

jul

(2,5,9) = 25 pts

Nice play on words not quite erring on the clever side.

Fourth Place -- 24 points

summer fleas

teaching the dog

yoga

Marianna Monaco

(1,6,9) = 24 pts

Charming; dog behavior well-observed and appropriately seasonal.

Zenny and funny.

Fifth Place -- 21 points

on the pillow

one flea between us

not much else

Neil Muscott

(3,5,2) = 21 pts

I took this at first to reflect the wearing out of love that sometimes occurs, but it could also reflect material poverty. The latter has a more wistful flavor. The former perhaps more bitter.

Sixth Place -- 14 points

seaside

souvenirs —

sand fleas

Allen McGill

(0,4,6) = 14 pts

Perhaps a colon rather than a dash? Generally, resort souvenirs are of little more quality than 'fleas' so this is a fitting and ever so brief tribute to them. The brevity and humor here has the almost senryu flavor of commentary.

Seventh Place -- 13 points

dawn heat

fleas along the rim

of a doe's eye

Joyce Clement

(0,3,7) = 13 pts

Eighth Place -- 12 points

sunlit blanket

fleas burrow the wrinkles

of a bulldog

Collin Barber

(1,2,5) = 12 pts

Nice textures.

flea market —

my memories

in a new light

Ana Cadarin

(1,3,3) = 12 pts

long after

the neighbor's dog

a flea

Quendryth Young

(0,3,6) = 12 pts

Ninth Place -- 11 points

police siren . . .

my cat battles

the flea

Kathy Lippard Cobb

(2,1,3) = 11 pts

Tenth Place -- 8 points

flea collar

the dog's bark

looks louder

Bill Kenney

(2,0,2) = 8 pts

after the all-natural

flea powder

fleas

Roberta Beary

(1,0,5) = 8 pts

I've noticed that modern industrial chemistry often has advantages over traditional remedies.

Eleventh Place -- 7 points

Beijing sunrise

a flea has left its marks

and left

Tore Sverredal

(0,2,3) = 7 pts

I really liked this one and would have given it more points except for the last word "left" repeated which seemed to detract from the haiku. Perhaps “gone” would have been better.

itching for more

we applaud the last act

...flea circus

doris kasson

(0,2,3) = 7 pts

VACANCY VACANCY we check the mattress for fleas Dana D. (0,1,5) = 7 pts midnight thumping . . .

our old beagle hosting

the flea circus

Carol Raisfeld

(0,1,5) = 7 pts

spring litter

the puppies tip over

scratching their fleas

Carmel Lively Westerman

(0,1,5) = 7 pts

hot summer night

the flea escapes

again

Sjs (Stevie)

(0,1,5) = 7 pts

Twelfth Place -- 6 points

first warm day in May

young kittens explore our yard

fleas hitching a ride

Harvey Jenkins

(2,0,0) = 6 pts

flea market...

a carved coffin waits

for its client

Tanya Dikova

(0,3,0) = 6 pts

spring floods —

the cat and I scratch

one thousand fleas

bre :^)

(0,2,2) = 6 pts

dog days

gramps calls his old mutt

a flea bag

tom painting

(0,1,4) = 6 pts

A grumpy couple?

librarian's dog

a flea jumps in

the Guinness Book

Norsto

(0,1,4) = 6 pts

flea market —

the caged pup scratches

his flea collar

Darrell Byrd

(0,1,4) = 6 pts

mid-summer birthday

my dog gives mom

his fleas

Pris Campbell

(0,0,6) = 6 pts

Thirteenth Place -- 5 points

bedroom sunlight

a flea’s trail of bites

on my stomach

martin

(1,0,2) = 5 pts

Driving my car —

The cat’s fleas get a free ride

to the vet.

Daniela Bullas

(1,0,2) = 5 pts

Egret stands proudly

but ten feet away....

fleas bite my ankle

Glenn Laundre

(0,2,1) = 5 pts

A nice image.

Nice contrast of images to show a complete scene.

the flea

jumps on a greyhound –

stowaway

Mary Davila

(0,2,1) = 5 pts

blue eyed kitten< —BR> her wedding dress dotted

with baby fleas

andrea

(0,1,3) = 5 pts

I picture a little girl owner is playing 'dress-up' but they both will need a bath more. I like 'kitten' combined with 'baby' fleas, and imagine the girl is very young too. An artful haiku.

summer bath

the old dog scratches at

his new flea collar

Edward

(0,0,5) = 5 pts

Nice contrast and homely.

Fourteenth Place -- 4 points

do remove my fleas

said my mother’s Siamese

I’m obliged to please

Deirdre Godwin

(1,0,1) = 4 pts

I'm overcome by the urge to rhyme in haiku every now and again. This is clever enough to get away with it.

a boy in the sea

washing a brown cow-

still fleas

Maria

(1,0,1) = 4 pts

Outstanding! A beautiful image and fine contrast.

blessing of the pets

a crowd of leashes gives room

to the one with fleas

Dan Schwerin

(1,0,1) = 4 pts

morning stroll

sand fleas in the flotsam

every which way

Cherie Hunter Day

(0,2,0) = 4 pts

kitty's birthday —

he shows his daughter

how to use the flea comb

aom (tim)

(0,2,0) = 4 pts

so excited

she cannot stop kissing him

a flea in her ear

john Daleiden

(0,2,0) = 4 pts

I love the "aha" moment in this one. Even knowing ahead of time that the kigo was flea, this haiku made me think of humans first.

little fleas

children dancing in my room

while I sleep

Raquel BAILEY

(0,2,0) = 4 pts

on a clean white bed

how can i create haiku

without Issa's fleas

Paul R. Cassidy

(0,1,2) = 4 pts

I like the way this reflects the current distance from nature. Without Issa, how gratified would we feel to be writing about fleas at all?

fleas in my jacket

warmth for the book

of Issa

Tony A. Thompson

(0,1,2) = 4 pts

asleep dog

on the beggar's hand:

a flea

Dorota Pyra

(0,1,2) = 4 pts

Fifteenth Place -- 3 points

feral cats wait...

scratching their fleas

for the soup kitchen's cook

Rose Marie Stutts

(1,0,0) = 3 pts

A flea Circus

stopped performing

Union strike

Ashi

(1,0,0) = 3 pts

under the granary —

the dog scratches its body

to remove fleas

~ Samson Onyango

(1,0,0) = 3 pts

pre-race stretches —

a flea bounds away

from old legs

George Hawkins

(1,0,0) = 3 pts

beach dogs —

ticks take the place

of fleas

Audrey Downey

(0,1,1) = 3 pts

"You'd do this to me?"

the cat's eyes ask

from the flea bath

P. O. Williams

(0,1,1) = 3 pts

Been there!

Monday morning . . .

one of my dog's fleas

hitches a ride

Nancy Smith

(0,1,1) = 3 pts

winter morning —

my only friends fleas

wake me up gently

Vanja Nikovic

(0,1,1) = 3 pts

the flea

is a summer kigo?

... now I know!

Isabelle Prondzynski

(0,1,1) = 3 pts

he sells it

as a package: a dog

and its fleas

Zhanna P. Rader

(0,0,3) = 3 pts

summer festival

the main attraction

a flea circus!

Meredith Stern Cavalieri

(0,0,3) = 3 pts

flea

on the cat on my lap

sunbathing

Beth Powell

(0,0,3) = 3 pts

I'd put an article in line 1, but I like the sense of acceptance in this.

Quite Dr. Seuss-y.

proudly sitting

at the flea market —

the stray dog

Petar Tchouhov

(0,0,3) = 3 pts

General Comments (Kigo Section):

You really challenged us this month!

Nice entries!

Free Format Theme:

Weekend Activity

First Place -- 34 pts

long weekend…

the gardener cultivates

his shadow

Nancy Smith

(4,5,12) = 34 pts

The sun constantly at his back. Could describe many moments, but manages to keep it to one.

Second Place -- 28 pts

packing …

unpacking …

weekends with dad

Nancy Nitrio

(2,5,12) = 28 pts

You can hear the weariness in this.

Simply captured and original. A familiar routine for so many.

The bit in between is sadly lacking.

Third Place -- 27 pts

jazz festival . . .

the glint of a sax

at sunset

Carol Raisfeld

(2,3,15) = 27 pts

I can almost hear this one!

Fourth Place -- 18 pts

Sunday dad ~

in his pocket

a dying daisy

Paul Hodder

(2,3,6) = 18 pts

Very evocative of the 'single dad' trying to pack fathering and Dating anew into his weekend - or perhaps still carrying a torch or 'daisy' for his ex-wife. Also a hint of the competition for children's affection which can arise between divorced parents. I also like the alliteration of the 'hard' 'd' sound between 'dying' and 'daisy' - almost like the sigh of finality that separates regret from acceptance.

Point of view a bit shaky here (What are we doing in his pocket?), but a real and poignant moment comes through.

Sunday morning —

a lawn mower drowns

out church bells

Neil Muscott

(1,3,9) = 18 pts

Fifth Place -- 15 pts

Sunday at the beach

three kites holding

a conversation

Bill Kenney

(1,2,8) = 15 pts

Sixth Place -- 14 pts

potluck

a little bit of everything

on my plate

Beth Powell

(2,3,2) = 14 pts

darkening skies

sudden raindrops sizzle

on the grill

soji

(0,2,10) = 14 pts

cool saturday

I walk from grave

to grave

Jacek M.

(1,2,7) = 14 pts

Seventh Place -- 13 pts

another husband

following his wife

into the bead store

P. O. Williams

(1,3,4) = 13 pts

family gathering —

hidden in the garden

I write haiku

Vanja Nikovic

(1,3,4) = 13 pts

The counsel is often given not to write about writing, as too many writers do. Yet in this case I like the suggestion of 'the secret garden' of our minds, as we are mostly introverts.

Neatly suggests the complexities of family relationships.

We are not obliged to approve of the poet's behavior.

Eighth Place -- 12 pts

the Monopoly board

with hotels on Park Place

summer rain

Cherie Hunter Day

(1,2,5) = 12 pts

Ninth Place -- 11 pts

sunday walk

our hands

on the stroller

Dorota Pyra

(1,1,6) = 11 pts

A precious moment, perfectly captured; a triumph of understatement.

the lord's day

a lengthy drive

to the first tee

tom painting

(0,3,5) = 11 pts

Humans may worship many strange gods, but the worship is sincere.

opera booming

she sips chilled wine

and folds warm laundry

Leslie Montgomery

(0,2,7) = 11 pts

A pleasant contrast between 'chill' and 'warm'. I envision a woman trying to lighten a mundane chore with her favorite pastimes.

Good contrasts in this one!

Performing a routine chore and making the moment hers; effectively sensuous.

Tenth Place -- 10 pts

Saturday concert

her clear voice soars over

the vacuum cleaner

Petar Tchouhov

(1,1,5) = 10 pts

I love haikus that deal with sound. This is beautifully balanced and every detail counts.

Eleventh Place -- 9 pts

sunday

going out

barefoot

jul

(0,3,3) = 9 pts

sleeping in

the dog's damp nose

on my cheek

Irene Golas

(0,2,5) = 9 pts

Cozy and evocative. I can almost smell puppy breath.

Twelfth Place -- 8 pts

satin sheets —

the alarm clock

doesn't ring

Laurene

(2,0,2) = 8 pts

Sensual! I love how the silent alarm clock says it all and implies so much...well done.

still drunk —

waking at noon

with my shoes on

Collin Barber

(0,0,8) = 8 pts

weeding —

a ladybug lifted

from leaf to leaf

Ann K. Schwader

(0,0,8) = 8 pts

Thirteenth Place -- 7 pts

fresh coffee

at the water's edge

sunday city

marlène buitelaar

(0,1,5) = 7 pts

I love the imagery this haiku presents: a slow and easy weekend.

serious work

oiling his bike chain

a crow critiques

Ruth Powell

(0,1,5) = 7 pts

Two serious guys, a nice portrait.

Fourteenth Place -- 6 pts

driving the kids

to church

yelling

Roberta Beary

(1,0,3) = 6 pts

Poets angling...

instead of fish

Basho's frog

Vasile Moldovan

(1,0,3) = 6 pts

backyard badminton

the new puppy runs away

with the shuttlecock

Edward

(0,2,2) = 6 pts

Fifteenth Place -- 5 pts

picking saskatoons

wearing my best church outfit

with purple fingers

Harvey Jenkins

(1,0,2) = 5 pts

I had to look up saskatoons though it was pretty clear from the context that they are a sort of berry. Weekends are often like this - hurrying from one 'leisure' activity to another. I like the juxtaposition of berry stains and church finery.

weekend anglers —

a carp-shaped kite takes

to the air

ito

(0,2,1) = 5 pts

Anglers, carps, and kites, nice connections.

lingering day . . .

a different daydream

with each household chore

Marie Summers

(0,1,3) = 5 pts

Saturday grind

villagers against a cart wheel

recycle gossip

Kala Ramesh

(0,1,3) = 5 pts

Sixteenth Place -- 4 pts

seaside ice cream