Congratulations to Tom Painting, winner of our Kigo section and to Petar Tchouhov, winner of our Free Format section!
February 2008 Results
Kigo Theme:
Early Spring
First Place -- 47 Points
early spring
all night the pond ice
shifts its weight
tom painting
(6,8,13) = 47
The first contractions have just begun to be felt, but the groaning and heaving, the struggle and drama of full-blown labour are yet to come. How quietly and precisely the poet has pinpointed the exact time (this night) and place (the depths of this pond) of spring's beginning.
For me, this really captures the season. Love the sounds, movement, and emotion it evokes.
Second Place -- 30 Points
early spring
green at the heart
of an onion
j cully
(2,6,12) = 30
Onions? Of course, of course.
The humble onion, though having been taken far from its home in the earth, nevertheless hears the call of Mother Nature and faithfully responds in its little "heart"! The use of the word "heart" in an unsentimental way expands the dimensions of the haiku brilliantly.
Third Place -- 24 Points
early spring
her wrinkled fingers
sort seed packets
Yositaka
(1,1,19) = 24
Fourth Place – 21 Points
early spring
the hatless
scarecrow
Lech Szeglowski
(0,3,15) = 21
Brings a smile. Even the scarecrow senses warmer weather!
Fifth Place -- 19 Points
early spring the crossing guard's smile
w. f. owen
(1,4,8) = 19
No more standing out in the dreary cold for kids keeping their heads buried in collars - both may bloom with smiles.
Such an elegant haiku - a story made out of six plain words and containing great mystery and drama. From where to where is the crossing? Who is crossing? Why? We come to see that the "crossing" in the poem is the moment at which the guard undergoes a "conversion", within himself, from winter to spring. We are led to feel the power of nature's rhythms and the responsive power of hearts. Six-word poems don't come any more power-packed than this!
early spring —
fresh twigs line
an old nest
Melissa Spurr
(0,3,13) = 19
"ever-returning spring," concisely and concretely caught.
Sixth Place -- 15 Points
a stray dog
going my way
early spring
Bill Kenney
(1,3,6) = 15
A lovely carefree feeling to this haiku, which goes so well with the season. Full of deep simplicity.
Seventh Place -- 12 Points
the sound of water
as you move through it
early spring
Josh Wikoff
(1,2,5) = 12
I can both hear and feel this... nicely done.
Eighth Place -- 11 Points
the soil splits
above a daffodil
early spring
gourdman
(0,3,5) = 11
early spring
we try to grow
a little apart
George Hawkins
(1,3,2) = 11
A poignant haiku. The season of rejuvenation also brings its own sorrow.
early spring
the butcher
wears a daffodil
Helen Buckingham
(0,3,5) = 11
february
winter turns into spring
and back
max verhart
(1,1,6) = 11
early spring
a fresh crop of rocks
in the vegetable garden
Jim Swift
(0,2,7) = 11
Ninth Place -- 10 Points
early spring…
my heart too
is thawing
john tiong chunghoo
(1,1,5) = 10
my daughter's
first valentine
~ early Spring
Paul Hodder
(1,1,5) = 10
Tenth Place -- 9 Points
early spring
my sightless cat sniffs
a remembered path
Barbara Snow
(1,2,2) = 9
rinsing celery
from rib to heart
early spring
Joyce Clement
(0,1,7) = 9
Eleventh Place -- 8 Points
fawn's footprints
circle snowdrops
early spring
Harvey Jenkins
(0,2,4) = 8
early spring
the wind-chime and icicle
drip… in unison
Terra Martin
(0,3,2) = 8
early spring . . .
the frayed swing rope
feathered with frost
Ron Moss
(0,1,6) = 8
the weeds get a head start early spring
the weeds
get a head start
early spring
Susan Constable
(1,0,5) = 8
I prefer the one-breath format.
early spring breeze
the clothesline all in
baby shirts
Petar Tchouhov
(0,2,4) = 8
frost
cradled in the crocuses~
early spring
Kate Creighton
(0,2,4) = 8
Twelfth Place -- 7 Points
A fly
wakes suddenly?
early spring
Vasile Moldovan
(1,1,2) = 7
girl in pink
dangling from the monkey bars —
early spring
CPW
(0,0,7) = 7
I much like blossoms from bare boughs.
"dangling" gets it just right.
Very visual -- love the "pink", "dangling", "monkey" -- beautifully expressed.
early spring —
squirrels run in circles
around the stop sign
Marylouise Knight
(0,1,5) = 7
passing me
her perfume
early spring
Neil Muscott
(0,2,3) = 7
Pleasure, heightened by transience.
early spring
another handwriting
in my signature
Jerzy
(0,2,3) = 7
plum blossoms
stuck in my hair ~
early spring
Keith A. Simmonds
(0,2,3) = 7
Thirteenth Place -- 6 Points
early spring
branches breathe
with the wind
Agnes Eva Savich
(0,2,2) = 6
I find this a rather curious haiku and actually aren't entirely sure what it mean in real life. Still somehow it seems true that branches, seemingly dead in winter, begin to breathe as their leaf buds begin to swell in spring, while dead boughs, being stiffer, do not.
thwacks
from the sandlot
early spring
Alice Frampton
(0,1,4) = 6
early spring
a vase of pussy willows
on the kitchen table
Carmel Lively Westerman
(0,0,6) = 6
Rubber boots
caked with
early spring
Elaine Fields
(0,2,2) = 6
raindrops
surf the windshield
early spring
ruthanne
(0,1,4) = 6
early spring
kites in the sky
adding colors
kala ramesh
(0,2,2) = 6
early spring ~
a sudden softness
in my wooden flute
Li Ree
(0,1,4) = 6
early spring garden
in the earthen pot's bottom
a dead butterfly
Dorota Pyra
(1,1,1) = 6
early spring —
morning papers now
makeshift umbrellas
Shelley
(1,1,1) = 6
Vivid and original.
Fourteenth Place -- 5 Points
early spring —
red noses bloom
all across campus
Laurene
(0,1,3) = 5
early spring thaw
places where the dog went
all over the yard
andrea
(0,1,3) = 5
Ok, I admit it, my first thought was of paw prints. I like it that multiple (mis)readings of this are possible.
early spring
only snow in the trees
blossoming
rob scott
(0,1,3) = 5
early spring sun?
sound of his voice
is still cold
Vanja Nikovic
(0,1,3) = 5
early spring —
the blackbird's first song
still short
Tom M.
(0,1,3) = 5
the smell of mud
from the half frozen creek
early spring
DeVar
(0,1,3) = 5
Fifteenth Place -- 4 Points
early spring —
my three year old tries
mamma's high heels
vishnu kapoor
(0,1,2) = 4
This warming sun.
And how the snow glitters
as it vanishes.
Horst Ludwig
(1,0,1) = 4
early spring
an orange bow saw
hangs in a tree
Keith Heiberg
(0,1,2) = 4
Lightning
jigsaws the dark —
early spring
Marilyn Hazelton
(0,1,2) = 4
cruel early spring —
scattered on frozen snow
a red bird's feathers
jill
(1,0,1) = 4
Sixteenth Place -- 3 Points
crying newborn
calls early spring
into the house
Aalix Roake
(0,1,1) = 3
my grandma
wears a red geranium
early spring again
Don Basilio
(0,1,1) = 3
early spring
a sea breeze rocks
the infant's cradle
Gautam Nadkarni
(0,0,3) = 3
early spring weather
the wreath out on the mail box
sheds its needles
Edward
(0,1,1) = 3
darker ? lighter
an earthworm retreats into
early spring soil
Mark Hollingsworth
(0,1,1) = 3
fading memories
the early spring rain
washes out the snow
Elena Naskova
(0,0,3) = 3
early spring walk
a sunray
from puddle to puddle
Jacek M.
(0,0,3) = 3
early spring
there next to the snow shovels
pots of daffodils
doris kasson
(0,0,3) = 3
early spring —
another 3 inches
to shovel
LGD
(0,0,3) = 3
early spring —
my teenaged daughter's cellphone
never stops ringing
sanjuktaa
(0,1,1) = 3
stacks of firewood
marked half price
early spring
Laureen McHugh
(0,0,3) = 3
early spring —
out of the snow
snowdrops
Betty
(0,0,3) = 3
in the city park
green beer bottles
—early spring
Piotr Mogri
(0,0,3) = 3
a chat with old friends,
early spring snow turns to rain
and then back again
j. blain
(1,0,0) = 3
early spring night
slowly thawing the moon
in silent lake
Boris Nazansky
(0,1,1) = 3
nursing home visit
outside early spring
inside dead of winter
Roberta Beary
(0,0,3) = 3
I read this one as I picked the last page off the printer and thought, "I bet that makes my final list." And so it did.
General Comments:
So many great haiku to choose from!
A refreshingly large number of entries managed to avoid the clichés so easily associated with this kigo.
I just wish i had more than 6 pts to give...there are so many good ones, it's difficult to make up one's mind.
The submissions this month show why I dislike generic kigo like 'early spring' -- too many poets used an early spring kigo along with the kukai phrase. That's a technical violation called a 'double kigo.' It would be much better to let us suggest the phrase by using early spring kigo. That's how the Free Format kukai worked, and it worked well
Free Format Theme:
Night Life
First Place -- 27 Points
full moon
the call girl calls me
angel
Petar Tchouhov
(4,4,7) = 24
This one is well-nigh inexhaustible in its implications.
Second Place -- 24 Points
nightlife…
removing
his wedding ring
Carol Pearce-Worthington
(1,5,11) = 24
True to the mark in that wincing way.
Third Place -- 23 Points
nightlife district
a star falls
unnoticed
Elena Naskova
(1,7,6) = 23
Uncluttered and yet for me the most resonant on several levels in this kukai.
Fourth Place -- 20 Points
sleepless —
headlights drive shadows
across the ceiling
Jon Baldwin
(0,6,8) = 20
I'm sure this is something most of us have experienced. Like the use of 'drive' here.
3am feeding —
a light in the bar
across the street
Alice Frampton
(1,7,3) = 20
Of the feeding-the-baby entries (and there were a lot), this is the one that successfully integrates the nightlife theme.
A great contrast, well-observed, and concisely stated.
I liked the wistful comparison between adult drinking and nursing the baby.
Fifth Place – 19 Points
grey city morning ~
the pole dancer's
sensible shoes
Paul Hodder
(1,5,6) = 19
from jazz to blues
the bottle and I
half drunk
Francine Banwarth
(2,1,11) = 19
A clever play on words.
Sixth Place -- 16 Points
night life
the abrupt stop
of a cricket's song
kala ramesh
(2,2,6) = 16
Seventh Place -- 14 Points
phone number on a napkin
left at the bar -
closing time
David Grayson
(1,1,9) = 14
Hope springs eternal in the empty glass.
Eighth Place -- 13 Points
retirement party
all the guests gone
by midnight
Susan Constable
(1,2,6) = 13
Of course, back when I was much too young to think of retirement, "gone" was a word of many meanings.
Ninth Place -- 12 Points
empty night club —
a dance of daddy long legs
on the ceiling
Jacek M.
(1,3,3) = 12
Interesting - a waltz perhaps. Beautiful contrast -- the empty night club and the dance of the insects!
city dusk
the rhythm of cicadas
and high heels
j. blain
(0,4,4) = 12
The similarity of sounds combined with the differences in source make this interesting.
Tenth Place -- 11 Points
lonely night —
she still smiles
on the billboard
Israel Lopez Balan
(0,1,9) = 11
walking home
dancing shoes in her hand —
dawn approaches
bre:^)
(0,2,7) = 11
I can see the shoes dangling, swinging... the last little bit of dance.
stand-up
the laugh
that. . .
doesn't . . .
come . . .
Bill Kenney
(1,1,6) = 11
Nice form that conveys even more meaning.
truckstop
her late shift ends
under neon
tom painting
(1,0,8) = 11
trembling flashlight
a final heave and our herd
has one more heifer
andrea
(1,2,4) = 11
Unusual with the flashlight establishing that this is part of nightlife.
Wordier, maybe, than I would usually go for, but the image and feel won me over.
I like the emotion indicated by 'trembling'.
Eleventh Place -- 10 Points
nightlife —
red neon and drizzle
on the slick street
Carol Raisfeld
(0,3,4) = 10
A vivid picture with the modifier 'slick' hinting that city nightlife may be more dangerous.
Twelfth Place -- 9 Points
nightlife —
the pillow can't talk
and I don't
Emile Molhuysen
(1,1,4) = 9
dark moonless sky —
alone with her memory
widower's night-life
vishnu kapoor
(1,1,4) = 9
Siliconed stripper,
Why will you not accept my
Counterfeit money?
Conrad Sienkiewicz
(2,1,1) = 9
moist dusk pink neon flickers OPEN
Josh Wikoff
(1,1,4) = 9
I like the phrase 'moist dusk'.
loud blasts
from an espresso machine
the slam poet
Deborah P Kolodji
(1,2,2) = 9
Thirteenth Place -- 8 Points
the bar closing
a businessman alone
with his briefcase
Neil Muscott
(0,3,2) = 8
stormy night —
I turn the last page
of my old diary
Vanja Nikovic
(1,1,3) = 8
Fourteenth Place -- 7 Points
last call
the neon beer signs
flicker off
JM Thompson
(0,0,7) = 7
Fifteenth Place -- 6 Points
At midnight
not one sound…
only an owl
Vasile Moldovan
(1,1,1) = 6
cornfield mice
dancing with the moon
fox-trot
Ben Gieske
(0,2,2) = 6
night alley
on a discarded canvas
a ballerina twirls
john tiong chunghoo
(0,2,2) = 6
Sixteenth Place -- 5 Points
full moon
the rock concert
fills my chest
Agnes Eva Savich
(0,0,5) = 5
late night snack
she hides the
candy wrappers
Carmel Lively Westerman
(0,0,5) = 5
we stop our bikes
on the crest of the dark hill
Orion's sword
assu
(0,1,3) = 5
coming home —
in the deep black sky
one star
Marylouise Knight
(0,1,3) = 5
solo concert
in the opera house-
stray nightingale
Dejan Pavlinovic
(1,0,2) = 5
two old dancers
recapture lost dreams ~
night life
Keith A Simmonds
(0,1,3) = 5
I appreciated the simultaneous marking of presence and absence.
neon stars . . .
a street walker's stilettos
in a lonely salsa
Ron Moss
(1,0,2) = 5
Plop ~
Another frog
In deep night
Reza-Iran
(0,1,3) = 5
Seventeenth Place -- 4 Points
a barfly —
in tight black spandex
rubbing reddened eyes
Ed Higgins
(0,1,2) = 4
midnight train
calls to the black river
fog between them
April Serock
(0,1,2) = 4
I love the damp darkness of this one.
barfly…
the playing
of the rain
Helen Buckingham
(1,0,1) = 4
street light
the same homeless man
follows my husband
Audrey Downey
(0,0,4) = 4
birds sleep on branches
while the feeder is emptied
by a deer
gourdman
(0,1,2) = 4
stirring shadows
play hide and seek
with the moon
Rebba
(0,1,2) = 4
lullabying
wakeful child
nightlife
Frances McCarthy
(1,0,1) = 4
Dark moths
flicker against neon
beautiful fools
Yositaka
(0,1,2) = 4
under spring's full moon
nocturnal eldritch creatures
bid me join their dance
Deirdre Godwin
(1,0,1) = 4
cold moon
through a tear in the shade
night life
Raffael de Gruttola
(0,2,0) = 4
nursing and sleeping
waking to nurse again-
quite the "night life"
Leslie Montgomery
(0,1,2) = 4
the weaverbird
returns to its nest —
nightfall
Christopher Kavita
(0,2,0) = 4
wolf pack howls
inside my snow cave
I shiver
Ruth Powell
(0,1,2) = 4
night club
through the cigarette fumes
smooth jazz
Dorota Pyra
(0,0,4) = 4
nightlife:
air raid sirens,
close and distant
Earl Keener
(0,1,2) = 4
Eighteenth Place -- 3 Points
itch…
mosquitoes' nightlife
on my skin
Tanya Dikova
(0,1,1) = 3
fevered dreams —
the clock beside the pirate
shows 1:15am
Laurene
(0,0,3) = 3
I adore line 2.
Swing Dancers Twirling
To Joyous sounds of the band
defy winter night
Philip Mizener
(0,1,1) = 3
street restaurant —
shrieks of laughter spill
into the night
Isabelle Prondzynski
(0,1,1) = 3
dimly lit
the rise and fall of sheets —
Intensive Care
Sara Winteridge
(0,1,1) = 3
blues club fever~
she undoes one more button
as he chews ice cubes
Kate Creighton
(0,0,3) = 3
day's end —
mom and dad
snuggle on the loveseat
Mary Davila
(0,1,1) = 3
laughter —
the bar dog goes outside
with a smoker
Ami
(0,1,1) = 3
strains of jazz
between
slices of gold moon
Devika
(0,0,3) = 3
mating ritual…
moths flock to the neon sign
flashing nightclub
Nancy Smith
(0,0,3) = 3
General Comments:
My unabridged dictionary gives only one definition for nightlife: "Social activities or entertainment available or pursued in the evening." It's too bad that so many of this month's entries evaded the challenge of this theme, retreating instead to the safer, more familiar territories of nature and domesticity. (Full disclosure: I'm a city boy.)