February 2008 Kukai

Kigo Theme:

Early Spring

First Place -- 47 Points

early spring

all night the pond ice

shifts its weight

tom painting

(6,8,13) = 47

The first contractions have just begun to be felt, but the groaning and heaving, the struggle and drama of full-blown labour are yet to come. How quietly and precisely the poet has pinpointed the exact time (this night) and place (the depths of this pond) of spring's beginning.

For me, this really captures the season. Love the sounds, movement, and emotion it evokes.

Second Place -- 30 Points

early spring

green at the heart

of an onion

j cully

(2,6,12) = 30

Onions? Of course, of course.

The humble onion, though having been taken far from its home in the earth, nevertheless hears the call of Mother Nature and faithfully responds in its little "heart"! The use of the word "heart" in an unsentimental way expands the dimensions of the haiku brilliantly.

Third Place -- 24 Points

early spring

her wrinkled fingers

sort seed packets

Yositaka

(1,1,19) = 24

Fourth Place – 21 Points

early spring

the hatless

scarecrow

Lech Szeglowski

(0,3,15) = 21

Brings a smile. Even the scarecrow senses warmer weather!

Fifth Place -- 19 Points

early spring the crossing guard's smile

w. f. owen

(1,4,8) = 19

No more standing out in the dreary cold for kids keeping their heads buried in collars - both may bloom with smiles.

Such an elegant haiku - a story made out of six plain words and containing great mystery and drama. From where to where is the crossing? Who is crossing? Why? We come to see that the "crossing" in the poem is the moment at which the guard undergoes a "conversion", within himself, from winter to spring. We are led to feel the power of nature's rhythms and the responsive power of hearts. Six-word poems don't come any more power-packed than this!

early spring  —

fresh twigs line

an old nest

Melissa Spurr

(0,3,13) = 19

"ever-returning spring," concisely and concretely caught.

Sixth Place -- 15 Points

a stray dog

going my way

early spring

Bill Kenney

(1,3,6) = 15

A lovely carefree feeling to this haiku, which goes so well with the season. Full of deep simplicity.

Seventh Place -- 12 Points

the sound of water

as you move through it

early spring

Josh Wikoff

(1,2,5) = 12

I can both hear and feel this... nicely done.

Eighth Place -- 11 Points

the soil splits

above a daffodil

early spring

gourdman

(0,3,5) = 11

early spring

we try to grow

a little apart

George Hawkins

(1,3,2) = 11

A poignant haiku. The season of rejuvenation also brings its own sorrow.

early spring

the butcher

wears a daffodil

Helen Buckingham

(0,3,5) = 11

february

winter turns into spring

and back

max verhart

(1,1,6) = 11

early spring

a fresh crop of rocks

in the vegetable garden

Jim Swift

(0,2,7) = 11

Ninth Place -- 10 Points

early spring…

my heart too

is thawing

john tiong chunghoo

(1,1,5) = 10

my daughter's

first valentine

~ early Spring

Paul Hodder

(1,1,5) = 10

Tenth Place -- 9 Points

early spring

my sightless cat sniffs

a remembered path

Barbara Snow

(1,2,2) = 9

rinsing celery

from rib to heart

early spring

Joyce Clement

(0,1,7) = 9

Eleventh Place -- 8 Points

fawn's footprints

circle snowdrops

early spring

Harvey Jenkins

(0,2,4) = 8

early spring

the wind-chime and icicle

drip… in unison

Terra Martin

(0,3,2) = 8

early spring . . .

the frayed swing rope

feathered with frost

Ron Moss

(0,1,6) = 8

the weeds get a head start early spring

the weeds

get a head start

early spring

Susan Constable

(1,0,5) = 8

I prefer the one-breath format.

early spring breeze

the clothesline all in

baby shirts

Petar Tchouhov

(0,2,4) = 8

frost

cradled in the crocuses~

early spring

Kate Creighton

(0,2,4) = 8

Twelfth Place -- 7 Points

A fly

wakes suddenly?

early spring

Vasile Moldovan

(1,1,2) = 7

girl in pink

dangling from the monkey bars —

early spring

CPW

(0,0,7) = 7

I much like blossoms from bare boughs.

"dangling" gets it just right.

Very visual -- love the "pink", "dangling", "monkey" -- beautifully expressed.

early spring —

squirrels run in circles

around the stop sign

Marylouise Knight

(0,1,5) = 7

passing me

her perfume

early spring

Neil Muscott

(0,2,3) = 7

Pleasure, heightened by transience.

early spring

another handwriting

in my signature

Jerzy

(0,2,3) = 7

plum blossoms

stuck in my hair ~

early spring

Keith A. Simmonds

(0,2,3) = 7

Thirteenth Place -- 6 Points

early spring

branches breathe

with the wind

Agnes Eva Savich

(0,2,2) = 6

I find this a rather curious haiku and actually aren't entirely sure what it mean in real life. Still somehow it seems true that branches, seemingly dead in winter, begin to breathe as their leaf buds begin to swell in spring, while dead boughs, being stiffer, do not.

thwacks

from the sandlot

early spring

Alice Frampton

(0,1,4) = 6

early spring

a vase of pussy willows

on the kitchen table

Carmel Lively Westerman

(0,0,6) = 6

Rubber boots

caked with

early spring

Elaine Fields

(0,2,2) = 6

raindrops

surf the windshield

early spring

ruthanne

(0,1,4) = 6

early spring

kites in the sky

adding colors

kala ramesh

(0,2,2) = 6

early spring ~

a sudden softness

in my wooden flute

Li Ree

(0,1,4) = 6

early spring garden

in the earthen pot's bottom

a dead butterfly

Dorota Pyra

(1,1,1) = 6

early spring —

morning papers now

makeshift umbrellas

Shelley

(1,1,1) = 6

Vivid and original.

Fourteenth Place -- 5 Points

early spring  —

red noses bloom

all across campus

Laurene

(0,1,3) = 5

early spring thaw

places where the dog went

all over the yard

andrea

(0,1,3) = 5

Ok, I admit it, my first thought was of paw prints. I like it that multiple (mis)readings of this are possible.

early spring

only snow in the trees

blossoming

rob scott

(0,1,3) = 5

early spring sun?

sound of his voice

is still cold

Vanja Nikovic

(0,1,3) = 5

early spring —

the blackbird's first song

still short

Tom M.

(0,1,3) = 5

the smell of mud

from the half frozen creek

early spring

DeVar

(0,1,3) = 5

Fifteenth Place -- 4 Points

early spring —

my three year old tries

mamma's high heels

vishnu kapoor

(0,1,2) = 4

This warming sun.

And how the snow glitters

as it vanishes.

Horst Ludwig

(1,0,1) = 4

early spring

an orange bow saw

hangs in a tree

Keith Heiberg

(0,1,2) = 4

Lightning

jigsaws the dark  —

early spring

Marilyn Hazelton

(0,1,2) = 4

cruel early spring —

scattered on frozen snow

a red bird's feathers

jill

(1,0,1) = 4

Sixteenth Place -- 3 Points

crying newborn

calls early spring

into the house

Aalix Roake

(0,1,1) = 3

my grandma

wears a red geranium

early spring again

Don Basilio

(0,1,1) = 3

early spring

a sea breeze rocks

the infant's cradle

Gautam Nadkarni

(0,0,3) = 3

early spring weather

the wreath out on the mail box

sheds its needles

Edward

(0,1,1) = 3

darker ? lighter

an earthworm retreats into

early spring soil

Mark Hollingsworth

(0,1,1) = 3

fading memories

the early spring rain

washes out the snow

Elena Naskova

(0,0,3) = 3

early spring walk

a sunray

from puddle to puddle

Jacek M.

(0,0,3) = 3

early spring

there next to the snow shovels

pots of daffodils

doris kasson

(0,0,3) = 3

early spring —

another 3 inches

to shovel

LGD

(0,0,3) = 3

early spring —

my teenaged daughter's cellphone

never stops ringing

sanjuktaa

(0,1,1) = 3

stacks of firewood

marked half price

early spring

Laureen McHugh

(0,0,3) = 3

early spring —

out of the snow

snowdrops

Betty

(0,0,3) = 3

in the city park

green beer bottles

 —early spring

Piotr Mogri

(0,0,3) = 3

a chat with old friends,

early spring snow turns to rain

and then back again

j. blain

(1,0,0) = 3

early spring night

slowly thawing the moon

in silent lake

Boris Nazansky

(0,1,1) = 3

nursing home visit

outside early spring

inside dead of winter

Roberta Beary

(0,0,3) = 3

I read this one as I picked the last page off the printer and thought, "I bet that makes my final list." And so it did.

General Comments:

So many great haiku to choose from!

A refreshingly large number of entries managed to avoid the clichés so easily associated with this kigo.

I just wish i had more than 6 pts to give...there are so many good ones, it's difficult to make up one's mind.

The submissions this month show why I dislike generic kigo like 'early spring' -- too many poets used an early spring kigo along with the kukai phrase. That's a technical violation called a 'double kigo.' It would be much better to let us suggest the phrase by using early spring kigo. That's how the Free Format kukai worked, and it worked well

Free Format Theme:

Night Life

First Place -- 27 Points

full moon

the call girl calls me

angel

Petar Tchouhov

(4,4,7) = 24

This one is well-nigh inexhaustible in its implications.

Second Place -- 24 Points

nightlife…

removing

his wedding ring

Carol Pearce-Worthington

(1,5,11) = 24

True to the mark in that wincing way.

Third Place -- 23 Points

nightlife district

a star falls

unnoticed

Elena Naskova

(1,7,6) = 23

Uncluttered and yet for me the most resonant on several levels in this kukai.

Fourth Place -- 20 Points

sleepless —

headlights drive shadows

across the ceiling

Jon Baldwin

(0,6,8) = 20

I'm sure this is something most of us have experienced. Like the use of 'drive' here.

3am feeding —

a light in the bar

across the street

Alice Frampton

(1,7,3) = 20

Of the feeding-the-baby entries (and there were a lot), this is the one that successfully integrates the nightlife theme.

A great contrast, well-observed, and concisely stated.

I liked the wistful comparison between adult drinking and nursing the baby.

Fifth Place – 19 Points

grey city morning ~

the pole dancer's

sensible shoes

Paul Hodder

(1,5,6) = 19

from jazz to blues

the bottle and I

half drunk

Francine Banwarth

(2,1,11) = 19

A clever play on words.

Sixth Place -- 16 Points

night life

the abrupt stop

of a cricket's song

kala ramesh

(2,2,6) = 16

Seventh Place -- 14 Points

phone number on a napkin

left at the bar -

closing time

David Grayson

(1,1,9) = 14

Hope springs eternal in the empty glass.

Eighth Place -- 13 Points

retirement party

all the guests gone

by midnight

Susan Constable

(1,2,6) = 13

Of course, back when I was much too young to think of retirement, "gone" was a word of many meanings.

Ninth Place -- 12 Points

empty night club —

a dance of daddy long legs

on the ceiling

Jacek M.

(1,3,3) = 12

Interesting - a waltz perhaps. Beautiful contrast -- the empty night club and the dance of the insects!

city dusk

the rhythm of cicadas

and high heels

j. blain

(0,4,4) = 12

The similarity of sounds combined with the differences in source make this interesting.

Tenth Place -- 11 Points

lonely night —

she still smiles

on the billboard

Israel Lopez Balan

(0,1,9) = 11

walking home

dancing shoes in her hand —

dawn approaches

bre:^)

(0,2,7) = 11

I can see the shoes dangling, swinging... the last little bit of dance.

stand-up

the laugh

      that. . .

           doesn't . . .

                    come . . .

Bill Kenney

(1,1,6) = 11

Nice form that conveys even more meaning.

truckstop

her late shift ends

under neon

tom painting

(1,0,8) = 11

trembling flashlight

a final heave and our herd

has one more heifer

andrea

(1,2,4) = 11

Unusual with the flashlight establishing that this is part of nightlife.

Wordier, maybe, than I would usually go for, but the image and feel won me over.

I like the emotion indicated by 'trembling'.

Eleventh Place -- 10 Points

nightlife —

red neon and drizzle

on the slick street

Carol Raisfeld

(0,3,4) = 10

A vivid picture with the modifier 'slick' hinting that city nightlife may be more dangerous.

Twelfth Place -- 9 Points

nightlife —

the pillow can't talk

and I don't

Emile Molhuysen

(1,1,4) = 9

dark moonless sky —

alone with her memory

widower's night-life

vishnu kapoor

(1,1,4) = 9

Siliconed stripper,

Why will you not accept my

Counterfeit money?

Conrad Sienkiewicz

(2,1,1) = 9

moist dusk pink neon flickers OPEN

Josh Wikoff

(1,1,4) = 9

I like the phrase 'moist dusk'.

loud blasts

from an espresso machine

the slam poet

Deborah P Kolodji

(1,2,2) = 9

Thirteenth Place -- 8 Points

the bar closing

a businessman alone

with his briefcase

Neil Muscott

(0,3,2) = 8

stormy night —

I turn the last page

of my old diary

Vanja Nikovic

(1,1,3) = 8

Fourteenth Place -- 7 Points

last call

the neon beer signs

flicker off

JM Thompson

(0,0,7) = 7

Fifteenth Place -- 6 Points

At midnight

not one sound…

only an owl

Vasile Moldovan

(1,1,1) = 6

cornfield mice

dancing with the moon

fox-trot

Ben Gieske

(0,2,2) = 6

night alley

on a discarded canvas

a ballerina twirls

john tiong chunghoo

(0,2,2) = 6

Sixteenth Place -- 5 Points

full moon

the rock concert

fills my chest

Agnes Eva Savich

(0,0,5) = 5

late night snack

she hides the

candy wrappers

Carmel Lively Westerman

(0,0,5) = 5

we stop our bikes

on the crest of the dark hill

Orion's sword

assu

(0,1,3) = 5

coming home —

in the deep black sky

one star

Marylouise Knight

(0,1,3) = 5

solo concert

in the opera house-

stray nightingale

Dejan Pavlinovic

(1,0,2) = 5

two old dancers

recapture lost dreams ~

night life

Keith A Simmonds

(0,1,3) = 5

I appreciated the simultaneous marking of presence and absence.

neon stars . . .

a street walker's stilettos

in a lonely salsa

Ron Moss

(1,0,2) = 5

Plop ~

Another frog

In deep night

Reza-Iran

(0,1,3) = 5

Seventeenth Place -- 4 Points

a barfly —

in tight black spandex

rubbing reddened eyes

Ed Higgins

(0,1,2) = 4

midnight train

calls to the black river

fog between them

April Serock

(0,1,2) = 4

I love the damp darkness of this one.

barfly…

the playing

of the rain

Helen Buckingham

(1,0,1) = 4

street light

the same homeless man

follows my husband

Audrey Downey

(0,0,4) = 4

birds sleep on branches

while the feeder is emptied

by a deer

gourdman

(0,1,2) = 4

stirring shadows

play hide and seek

with the moon

Rebba

(0,1,2) = 4

lullabying

wakeful child

nightlife

Frances McCarthy

(1,0,1) = 4

Dark moths

flicker against neon

beautiful fools

Yositaka

(0,1,2) = 4

under spring's full moon

nocturnal eldritch creatures

bid me join their dance

Deirdre Godwin

(1,0,1) = 4

cold moon

through a tear in the shade

night life

Raffael de Gruttola

(0,2,0) = 4

nursing and sleeping

waking to nurse again-

quite the "night life"

Leslie Montgomery

(0,1,2) = 4

the weaverbird

returns to its nest —

nightfall

Christopher Kavita

(0,2,0) = 4

wolf pack howls

inside my snow cave

I shiver

Ruth Powell

(0,1,2) = 4

night club

through the cigarette fumes

smooth jazz

Dorota Pyra

(0,0,4) = 4

nightlife:

air raid sirens,

close and distant

Earl Keener

(0,1,2) = 4

Eighteenth Place -- 3 Points

itch…

mosquitoes' nightlife

on my skin

Tanya Dikova

(0,1,1) = 3

fevered dreams —

the clock beside the pirate

shows 1:15am

Laurene

(0,0,3) = 3

I adore line 2.

Swing Dancers Twirling

To Joyous sounds of the band

defy winter night

Philip Mizener

(0,1,1) = 3

street restaurant —

shrieks of laughter spill

into the night

Isabelle Prondzynski

(0,1,1) = 3

dimly lit

the rise and fall of sheets —

Intensive Care

Sara Winteridge

(0,1,1) = 3

blues club fever~

she undoes one more button

as he chews ice cubes

Kate Creighton

(0,0,3) = 3

day's end —

mom and dad

snuggle on the loveseat

Mary Davila

(0,1,1) = 3

laughter —

the bar dog goes outside

with a smoker

Ami

(0,1,1) = 3

strains of jazz

between

slices of gold moon

Devika

(0,0,3) = 3

mating ritual…

moths flock to the neon sign

flashing nightclub

Nancy Smith

(0,0,3) = 3

General Comments:

My unabridged dictionary gives only one definition for nightlife: "Social activities or entertainment available or pursued in the evening." It's too bad that so many of this month's entries evaded the challenge of this theme, retreating instead to the safer, more familiar territories of nature and domesticity. (Full disclosure: I'm a city boy.)