Rough Draft thoughts

Alex- love it. great family shots, great shots of you. Keep getting those shots.

Chris. Are you just about grades? Does your family only see grades? If so, you should explore this, and why this is so. Life is so much more and you need to find that. You get close in the end of your piece when you talk about how you don’t care anymore, but you think this is a weakness and not a strength. Sorry to break this to you but grades have nothing to do with who you are or your worth as a person. You need to re-write this voiceover with like one or two lines about grades and more about you.

Lean. You need to rewrite your voiceover use the word “I” instead of him. And shorten it to only speak about who you are inside, not what is happening politically. Explore who you are, things that you like, things that anger you, and what you hope for the future.

Lorissa, great VO. Turn it up. Kinda sounds like two voiceovers put together though. Needs better continuity throughout. Get all those shots you need.

Destini, you don’t need to do a voiceover, just use those shots on top of people talking about you. I can’t hear Michael at all. Or do a voiceover. get working!

Leland: I get it, you want to hide behind the “I’m the guy” stuff, but how about talking about how you really feel? Like with games. You love gaming. Why? And what do you think about it? You pass your classes without studying. Why? And what do you think about it? Lotta work to do here.

Flo: love it. That’s you. I know there’s more though. You go much deeper.

Oscar: good job. I wish you talked about your magic, your jokes, and how you like to make people happy.

Hugo: grades? Your grades are not you. And then you list all the things you do, but you don’t really talk about you, what makes you tick, who you are. I like your photoshop work though and when you talk about your tree-humping film. :)

Taemon. Love the beginning. and the slow mo skateboarding shot when you talk about you in your purest form. That’s you. Toward the end you kinda start rambling. Keep it like the first half. keep that shot of your mom on screen a little longer. Love where you talk about writing! End it strong. Say something real.

Lily: love the VO. Finish those visuals. And I hate those shaky-cam shots. Get a f-ing tripod!

Ivan. Awesome. That kid is still there; don’t ever forget it. You’re special because you care so much. But that’s also what makes you vulnerable. Lot’s of work to do to fill in all those visuals though.

Ira: love the first minute. Then you start on the “I like long walks on the beach” kinda thing. Stick with who you are deep down. Don’t focus so much on what others think of you. Who cares?

Katya: wonderful. Pretty much done.

Kayla: Great job. The end cuts off strange. Don’t cut everything at once.

Logan: Love it. You need B-roll though. long shots of you singing should have b-roll shots of you, your friends, things you are talking about.

Maya: First minute and a half is perfectly you. Stick with this theme of showing beautiful shots of you, shots of your writing -where we get a glimpse of you through, and shots of your art. No voiceover needed if you show yourself like this. Unless you have an awesome voiceover planned. Love love love it. Just finish it!

Sue. I like it. I wish you would re-record the voiceover and SLOW DOWN! you need to speak it, not read it. Some of those shots are way out of focus. Shoot some more and focus that camera!

Maria: I like your voice and the music you chose. I like it most in the last half where you are talking more about who you are inside than the first part where you are listing all the “long walks on the beach” type things. But the VO is good. Just finish those visuals.

Maddy: Slow down those pictures so we can see them! Love the voiceover. I wish you knew how special you are.

Olivia: Great voiceover. Totally you. Finish those visuals.

Bridget: You should start your voiceover at about 40 seconds in where it says My name is Bridget Sonobe… All the stuff before is not really about you. Great voiceover. You need to get a lot of visuals shot!!! And finish it better. Great start though.

Theresa: Your voiceover is great. I wish you explored what goes on in that head of yours a bit more though because I know there’s a lot going on under the surface. You have a lot of work to do visually though!