3 Depression
I'm so sad, why bother with anything?
What's the point?
I miss my loved one, why go on?
In retrospect, I battled depression for several years, using distance running to keep it at bay for more than a year.
In the first year post discovery, I fell asleep crying, I woke up crying. It was a struggle to get out of bed. My head was full of spinning thoughts, so much that I could hardly function. I would burst into tears at random moments.
At first, the depression was directly related to my grief journey. Later, I would experience grief connected to my sense of helplessness in an unending, frustrating divorce from a narcissist.
According to the National Mental Health Association, about one in every eight women will develop depression at some point during her lifetime. You have good reason to be depressed as you grieve the loss of the marriage you thought you had, and as you work through to acceptance of your reality as the wife of a sex addict... or the separated or ex wife of a sex addict.
Don't be afraid to try something like Zoloft to help you get through this time.
Some helpful excerpts from http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_women.htm
If you’re feeling sad, guilty, tired, and just generally “down in the dumps,” you may be suffering from major depression. Depression can affect your social life, relationships, career, and sense of self-worth and purpose. The good news is that depression is treatable.
Signs and symptoms of depression in women
Depressed mood
Loss of interest or pleasure in activities you used to enjoy
Feelings of guilt, hopelessness and worthlessness
Suicidal thoughts or recurrent thoughts of death
Sleep disturbance (sleeping more or sleeping less)
Appetite and weight changes
Difficulty concentrating
Lack of energy and fatigue
Psychological causes of depression in women...
As the wife of a sex addict, you automatically have all three!
Focusing on and rehashing negative feelings – Women are more likely to ruminate when they are depressed. This includes crying to relieve emotional tension, trying to figure out why you’re depressed, and talking to your friends about your depression. However, rumination has been found to maintain depression and even make it worse. Men, on the other hand, tend to distract themselves when they are depressed. Unlike rumination, distraction can reduce depression.
Overwhelming stress at work, school, or home – Some studies show that women are more likely than men to develop depression from stress. Furthermore, the female physiological response to stress is different. Women produce more stress hormones than men do, and the female sex hormone progesterone prevents the stress hormone system from turning itself off as it does in men.
Body image issues – The gender difference in depression begins in adolescence. The emergence of sex differences during puberty likely plays a role. Some researchers point to body dissatisfaction, which increases in girls during the sexual development of puberty.
Social causes of depression in women: You have at least three of these too!
As with men, social factors can also play a part in causing depression in women, along with lifestyle choices, relationships, and coping skills. These may include:
Marital or relationship problems; balancing the pressures of career and home life
Family responsibilities such as caring for children, spouse, or aging parents
Experiencing discrimination at work or not reaching important goals, losing or changing a job, retirement, or embarking on military service
Persistent money problems
Death of a loved one or other stressful life event that leaves you feeling useless, helpless, alone, or profoundly sad
Treating depression in women
For the most part, women suffering from depression receive the same types of treatment as everyone else. The main treatment approaches are psychotherapy and antidepressant therapy.
Specific aspects of treatment must often be modified for women. Because of female biological differences, women should generally be started on lower doses of antidepressants than men. Women are also more likely to experience side effects, so any medication use should be closely monitored.
Finally, women are more likely than men to require simultaneous treatment for other conditions such as anxiety disorders and eating disorders.
Self-help for depression in women
You can make a huge dent in your depression with simple lifestyle changes: exercising every day, avoiding the urge to isolate, eating healthy food instead of the junk you crave, and carving out time for rest and relaxation.
Feeling better takes time, but you can get there if you make positive choices for yourself each day and draw on the support of others.
Talk about your feelings to someone you trust, face-to-face. Share what you’re going through with the people you love and trust. Ask for the help and support you need. You may have retreated from your most treasured relationships, but they can get you through this tough time. If you don’t feel that you have anyone to confide in, look to build new friendships. Start by joining a support group for depression.
Try to keep up with social activities even if you don’t feel like it. When you’re depressed, it feels more comfortable to retreat into your shell. But being around other people will make you feel less depressed.
Get up and moving. Studies show that regular exercise can be as effective as antidepressant medication at increasing energy levels and decreasing feelings of fatigue. You don’t have to hit the gym. A 30-minute walk each day will give you a much-needed boost.
Aim for 8 hours of sleep. Depression typically involves sleep problems. Whether you’re sleeping too little or too much, your mood suffers. Get on a better sleep schedule by learning healthy sleep habits.
Expose yourself to a little sunlight every day. Sunlight can help boost your mood. Take a short walk outdoors, have your coffee outside, enjoy an al fresco meal, people-watch on a park bench, or sit out in the garden. Aim for at least 15 minutes of sunlight a day. If you live somewhere with little winter sunshine, try using a light therapy box.
Practice relaxation techniques. A daily relaxation practice can help relieve symptoms of depression, reduce stress, and boost feelings of joy and well-being. Try yoga, deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, or meditation.
For a nice essay on self-care during your time of crisis, click here.
