Types of Sex Addiction
Elizabeth Hartney, PhD writes:
In his book, Don't Call It Love, sex addiction expert Dr. Patrick Carnes describes the contrast between 10 types of addictive sexual behavior and the intimacy you would experience with what he calls "genuine love."
Opinions about what constitutes problematic behavior vary among professionals and the public. Clearly, some of these behaviors, such as fantasy sex, can occur in moderation within healthy sexual relationships, while others, such as exploitative sex, are highly problematic in any context.
Read more from Elizabeth Hartney
from Don’t Call it Love, 1992, Patrick Carnes
Voyeurism – Usually means objectifying the other person, so it is not a personal relationship.
Exhibitionism – From a relationship perspective, it is introducing oneself in an inappropriate way or seeking attention from others with no intent of going further, which is to tease.
Seductive Role Sex – Often there is a fear of abandonment so having more than one relationship is away to prevent the hurt they are sure they will receive. They are crippled in their ability to form lasting bonds and enduring relationships.
Trading Sex – If a prostitute is a sex addict, meaning that they found sex more pleasurable with clients than in personal relationships and are “hooked on the life”, it represents a significant distortion of normal courtship. The goal is to simulate flirtation, demonstration, and romance. What actually happens in most cases is about replication of childhood sexual abuse in which the child gained power in a risky game of being sexual with the caregiver.
Intrusive Sex – People who engage in intrusive sex, such as touching people in crowds or making obscene phone calls, are really perverting the touching and foreplay dimensions of courtship. Their behaviors represent both intimacy failure and individuation difficulties.
Fantasy Sex – Many sex addicts find refuge in fantasy sex because other forms of acting out are simply too complicated, too risky, or too much effort. It is about fear of rejection, fear of reality, and reduction of anxiety.
Paying for Sex – Here, sex addicts are willing participants in simulated intimacy. They are focused, however, on the touching, foreplay, and intercourse without the hassle of a relationship. Often, the failure is about the sex addict’s inability to communicate feelings to his/her partner or to be willing to work on his/her own attractiveness behaviors.
Anonymous Sex – Having to experience fear in order for arousal or sexual initiation. You do not have to attract, seduce, trick, or even pay for sex. It is just sex. Frequently for sex addicts, part of the high is the risk of unknown persons and situations.
Pain Exchange Sex – For a sex addict to only be aroused if someone is hurting them is a distortion of what goes into sexual and relationship health. Specifically, touching, foreplay, and intercourse become subordinated to some dramatic story line that is usually a re-enactment of a childhood abuse experience.
Exploitative Sex – Addicts in this category will use “grooming” behavior, which is to carefully build the trust of the unsuspecting victim. Attraction, flirtation, demonstration, romance, and intimacy are all used. Arousal is dependent on the vulnerability of another person.
