PD & HCP in Court
^^Link to article written by Natalie Malonis on March 25, 2011 on www.shrink4men.com
Dealing with a sex addict with a personality disorder is bad enough. Just try divorcing him! No matter what you have thought in the past about him being a "poor" sad addict who is depressed/ashamed/suicidal, he is likely to make divorce a living hell. He may twist everything into blame, accusing you of saying and doing outlandish things that have no basis in reality.
The article linked above is a good one to read. It's from a website for MEN who are divorcing WIVES with personality disorders, but it has excellent advice for both genders.
What follows are MY NOTES from the important points in the article and follow-up comments.
How does PD affect divorce litigation?
A diagnosed personality disorder (PD) will likely have little or no impact on a divorce if you have no minor children.
In child custody litigation, Cluster B behaviors are relevant and must be proven with evidence supporting your testimony (e.g., journals, recordings, emails, phone logs, text messages, other witnesses, etc.)
Psychological evaluations are risky and could end up hurting your case.
A few things to keep in mind:
The HCP may try to tell you what is going to happen at trial, as if thinking it and speaking it out loud makes it so. Examples I got personally were: "I am going to get full custody of the kids and the house." "If we go to court, you will lose." "You made me lose my job, and the judge will take away your alimony for that." You should disregard their proclamations about what will happen in court — they’re always wrong.
HCPs will do just about anything to avoid having to testify. They may love going to court to stir things up and harass you, but they will avoid getting on the witness stand.
The HCP's behavior will get more outrageous as it approaches time to go to court.
People with Cluster B personality disorders may believe they are wonderful parents and may be pathologically territorial about their children, but they see the children as possessions, rather than little humans.
PDs are skilled manipulators and good at forming a good ‘façade’, however they are also not able to control their behavior over any length of time, so there's a good chance your ex will provide you with plenty of email, text and phone message evidence of outrageous behavior.
Expert Testimony
You are going to have to tie the diagnosis to the particular conduct that has caused problems and you’ll need to have your own expert to testify that the history of these behaviors reliably predicts that the behaviors will continue into the future, thus putting your kids at risk if they are left in that parent's primary care.
“The reason it’s important to have a psych expert at trial is not so much to interpret or reveal test results, but to put this pattern of bad behavior in context and give a professional opinion about the effect it will have on the kids.” - Natalie Malonis
Collecting Evidence
"...when you’re dealing with a person who consistently engages in Cluster B behavior, there is nothing more valuable in court than the kind of evidence that a private investigator can obtain. This type of person will not be able to control his behavior over any length of time, and there’s a better than usual chance that a private investigator will be able to gather evidence of some outrageous behavior."
It’s true that exposure seems to be one of the HCP’s biggest fear, but they're generally not able to keep their dysfunctions completely hidden. They lie a lot as a general rule. This is a good reason for taking a deposition in advance of trial. You can use the deposition to catch the lies when the HCP contradicts himself at trial. This will undermine his entire testimony, and then you are in a better position to testify yourself about his extreme conduct. His denials will be heard with suspicion because he has already been shown to be a liar.
"As an aside, it is usually a spectacle to have these folks on the witness stand, and I have found that they cannot maintain the façade when they are on the spot like that and under oath. They will frequently and boldly contradict themselves as they try to weave lies on the fly. They will typically do everything possible to keep from having to take the witness stand, but that is exactly where a good attorney will want them to be."
Therapy / Counseling
It's important BEBORE filing for divorce to get counseling from a counselor or therapist who has experience dealing with HCP and PDs.
You will need the support.
A therapist can document the abuses you suffered in your marriage and the subsequent stress and trauma you suffered.
Your therapist will hopefully be able to provide the context for a court evaluator who tries to screw you over by portraying you as having anger/high levels of stress. A good therapist can write a report in response to such an evaluation that basically says, “My client was being abused. Abuse causes trauma.”
It will show the judge that you are sincerely working on getting help to be a healthy parent.
Your therapist can provide reports to the evaluator before the evaluation process begins.
It may also be necessary to counter the string of witnesses your ex may ensnare in his web of deceit — these might include teachers, social workers, doctors, etc.
Could the HCP be prone to violence?
It's possible, but not predictable.
Take precautions, particularly at "volatile times" such as when divorce or custody papers are served. You may want to observe strict "no contact" for a few days after any such event.
Go with your "gut" and pay attention to your child's gut if he or she reports fear.
Remove access to firearms if at all possible.
Change locks, use an alarm system, change pass codes and carry pepper spray. Better to have it and not need it than to not carry it and be in a situation where you wish you had.
Consider staying at a hotel or with a friend temporarily, for a few nights.
Have an "exit plan" and a place to go.
It may sound dramatic or extreme, but you really don’t know what the HCP will do, and it is not worth taking the risk.