Threatening Emails: Use the Narc Decoder

When you get threatening emails, text messages or phone calls from a narcissist, it can be pretty unsettling. If you've been a recipient, you know just what I'm talking about.

I have gotten so frustrated or frightened by these communications that my heart starts to race. I have on occasion broken down in uncontrollable tears, or screamed unintelligible words.

"Narc Decoder" is a term coined by Tina Swithin author of One Mom's Battle. The Narc Decoder is a way for those of us dealing with a narcissist to "process" the crazy communications we receive from these disordered individuals. Practicing the art of Narc Decoding can be calming and enormously satisfying.

While Tina sometimes describes the Narc Decoder as an email translator or a metal device, it is really just rewriting the offending and hurtful communication through the lens of truth. Once we understand that narcissists accuse us of what they are actually guilty of or threaten in us in response to their own wounds, it becomes easier to translate their communications.

For a good example of Narc Decoding read Tina's website.

Tina's communications with her narcissist may be slightly different than what we experience with a sex addict.

Typical Themes of the Narcissist's Threats and Accusations

• You are a bad parent.

• You cheated on him.

• You are a hypocrite.

• You destroyed a sacramental marriage; you didn't keep your sacramental vows.

• You are all about the money.

• You are destroying him financially.

• You are not following the law.

• You caused him to lose his job.

• You are unforgiving.

• You are cold.

• You are controlling.

I am sharing some letters from narcissists and the decoding. Click on the subpages to read.