Don't Reward Bad Behavior

I read recently that if a woman wants to have a successful relationship with a man, she should treat him like a dog. That is, reward his good behavior with attention and affection. Don't reward bad behavior! If you reward bad behaviors, the bad behaviors will get worse. (This is really probably true for women as well, and definitely for children!)

So... when your man behaves badly, the article suggests rather than working harder at the relationship, withdraw. Women USUALLY try very hard to fix the relationship, and that rewards the bad behavior.

I had never thought of it that way.

One thing I read said: if you really want a man to pursue you, let him know you're not interested in a relationship. Gosh, isn't that what we've always heard about "playing hard to get?" Well, if you think about how men are wired, it makes sense. Men want to succeed. They want to win. If he's never absolutely certain he has you, maybe he will work harder to win you over.

Does this mean that when we are forgiving and understanding, this actually works against us?

I think about some of my "prickly" girlfriends whose husbands are devoted to them. They say things like, "If my husband cheated on me, I'd shoot his balls off and THEN divorce him." Maybe their husbands have more respect for them because they know forgiveness is not a certainty?

As a kindness to a man, should we be more demanding and give him a challenge? Or is this game-playing?

When I lavish my man with affection and support–more than he's giving me–do I create an imbalance? Do I need to stop initiating, and only respond with what he gives me? I THOUGHT I needed to constantly say sweet things, to boost his self-esteem. I suppose saying sweet things is like chocolate: Too much makes you sick, so eat in moderation.

I think back to my relationship with my husband. I always said things like, "I am so glad I married you. I would never want to be married to anyone else." and "One thing you never have to worry about: I would never divorce you." Perhaps I should not have been so nice.

When I was finally furious with him and thinking about divorce, I told him to send NO MORE GIFTS. Then he showered me with gifts, though he had never done that in the rest of our marriage. It certainly seems that with him, being more demanding got better results.