50 Shades & Childhood Sexual Abuse
50 Shades of Grey is the first in a series of books about a man (Grey) who was abused in childhood and who becomes a sadomasochist as an adult. His girlfriend–who becomes his wife–accepts his dominant/submissive lifestyle, and comes to enjoy it.
The trilogy has been hugely popular, probably because of the graphic sex in the novels. To me, the more interesting theme is what happens in the mind of someone who has been abused – how abuse affects his view of himself sexually and how it affects his ability to connect with other people intimately, both physically and psychologically.
To my view, a man who has "contractual" sadomasochistic sex with random agreeable women in exchange for all sorts of financial perks is a sex addict. That's my opinion. At any rate, with over 85% of sex addicts reporting that they have been victims of sexual abuse, this topic is extremely relevant.
The problem with the series is that it glorifies sadomasochism, makes abuse look "sexy" and makes it seem that personality disorders are fixable.
Read this excellent analysis posted on psychopathfree.com.
The problem with Fifty Shades of Grey is that it fails to understand the character it's trying to portray. Okay, so you've got your charming sociopath and he's so sexy. Kinky, wild, exciting. Charming and alluring at first, he focuses all of his attention on you. It's like there's no one else in the world....
This is not about BDSM. It's about manipulation, coercion, and abuse. BDSM is a set of sexual practices. Those other words? They're indicative of a serious, incurable personality disorder. Those qualities are not things you can "fix". They're things they use to make you think you can fix them.
Sociopaths love pity. They use it constantly. They use it to justify their abuse, making you feel sorry for them, instead of thinking about your own boundaries & rights. They are pathological liars who will say anything and everything to convince you that their toxic behavior is good for you. Like parasites, their goal is to do whatever it takes to keep you as a source of supply.
This is one of the most common tactics of a psychopathic predator. "You're the only one who understands me. I've never felt this way in my life." Everyone else has failed them, but you... You are the one. The exception.
This is why I hate Fifty Shades of Grey. Not because of the sex or the kinkiness. But because it perpetuates this bold-faced lie that abusive people can be fixed by the right person. This idea that sociopathic relationships are sexy, when in reality, they will completely destroy every bit of your self-worth.
You cannot fix a sociopath. They do not have a conscience. They cannot grow a conscience. They're not secretly insecure and tragic. They understand human nature and how to control it. They actively manipulate your own perception so that it becomes a point of pride/vanity to be "the one" who fixes them.
