This is written by a sex addict about Step Five in the Sexaholics 12 Step Program:

He sees "secrecy" as a major difference between alcoholism and sexual addiction. I would suggest that alcoholics hide the extent of their addiction, as do drug addicts and gamblers. So I am not so sure this is a difference. I do agree that it may be easier to hide the effects of the sexual addiction for longer than some of these other addictive behaviors. I would suggest there is shame in ANY of these addictions.

I do find it interesting to read from the perspective of a sex addict who is clearly TRYING to recover. I don't think this sex addict really understands, though, the importance of admitting the addiction and behaviors to the partner. A sponsor, clergy, therapist, or fellow sexaholic is not hurt by the behaviors: the PARTNER is. The partner is the one who must be convinced of the honesty and commitment of the addict to recovery.

The Difference in Resentments for Sex Addicts, Alcoholics and Drug Addicts

By scottv

In step five we are asked to admit to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. In step four we list our resentments, who we wronged in our lives and we take responsibility for our actions.

I found in a recent discussion with Indian Bob, from Recovery Radio Raw, that there were few, if any resentments I held toward people who may have judged me or who may have told me what I should do.

We realize the main difference between those doing a fourth step in sex addiction and those working a fourth step in AA or NA is the resentments. You see, with a sex addiction, many of the acting out behaviors are done in secret. If a sex addict is viewing pornography, having affairs, engaging in other online behaviors, chances are they are all being kept secret. When an alcoholic comes home inebriated, it’s usually apparent to others they have been drinking. If a drug addict is shooting up for smoking dope or using other substances their behaviors are markedly different. With sex addiction there are very few physical characteristics that show up as a result of acting out. One may stay up very late at night viewing pornography and blame it on not feeling well not getting enough sleep and just not being able to get to sleep.

The challenge with those struggling with a sex addiction is the life they want to lead of spiritual wholeness, of honesty and integrity, is undermined by the secrets and the lies they perpetuate when they’re acting out. It is said that that you are only as sick as your secrets. It is also said in the program that your secrets fuel the shame and the shame fuels the addiction.

It is vitally important to reveal all in the fifth step to a sponsor, clergy, therapist, fellow or other trusted individual. Many addicts thought they would take their secrets to the grave. But after working the fifth step we find we can trust another human being and the more we share our secrets that healthier we become. It is my belief that the more you tell your secrets the easier the process of recovery becomes.