Medical Help
If your husband has been unfaithful, logic will tell you there are three important things you need to do for your own physical and psychological well-being:
NO MORE SEX. Any sexual contact you have with this man puts you in physical danger. Any sexual contact with him risks your exposure to STDs and AIDS. My husband admitted he never once considered my physical safety as he was fucking prostitutes. When I questioned him about this initially, he told me, "I only had blow jobs." When I didn't buy this, he admitted he'd had sex but, "Don't worry. I used condoms." As if condoms made it all okay!
Both of you need comprehensive testing for sexually transmitted diseases including HIV, syphilis, chlamydia, and gonorrhea. Demand written proof of his test results. For yourself, make an appointment with a trusted OB/gyn. Tell your practitioner you have been sleeping with a man who has been having sex with prostitutes. This will be documented in your medical file, and you may need it later when he lies that you are just making this up. My OB/gyn recommended testing again six months later, and – because I stupidly resumed sexual relations with him – six months after the LAST time I had sexual relations with him.
Make appointments for couples and individual therapy. Get as much therapy as you can afford. He needs therapy for his addiction. You need therapy for your trauma. You both need therapy to examine your relationship. Your OB/gyn may be able to give you a referral for a recommended psychotherapist who has experience dealing with sexual addictions. Experience with treating PTSD from sexual trauma is a bonus.
You may THINK now that your sexually addicted spouse has been caught, now he will won't "act out" any more. He may assure you of this. You may think, surely he would not risk losing his family. If you find yourself thinking this way, you are deluding yourself.
If you think he's going to be honest with you about his risky behaviors, you're wrong. He will try to keep his secrets. What the addict will admit to initially is generally the tip of the iceberg, so you can just assume he's been having oral, vaginal and anal sex with multiple women (maybe men too) and that he has not himself been tested for any sexually transmitted disease.
The level of denial in the addict is high. Think about it. If he's capable of living a dual life, he's able to create his own reality.
He is a compulsive sex addict. He will slip back into his addiction at the first opportunity. He may try to make you feel sorry for him; he may threaten suicide. This is a manipulation. Stop worrying about him and start protecting yourself and your children physically and emotionally.
