Suicidal Threats
After discovery, a sex addict can become suicidal, or may manipulate you by suggesting he is contemplating suicide as a way to get your sympathy.
Here are examples of actual letters from a sex addict:
I am sorry for what I have done and think that I am prepared to receive God's justice. God is forgiving but also just, so I will have to pay.
But I really don't think I can ever come home. Better to die here. (Written from Afghanistan)
Believe me, I have contemplated the coward's way out and just breaking all ties with our family and you and our sons. Divorce and moving out of the area. But I really do want to be a positive influence in their lives.
When a victim of Narcissistic abuse gathers enough strength to leave the relationship, often the last resort for the Narcissist is to threaten to commit suicide after realizing hoovering and crying won’t work. Once he recognizes his target isn’t falling for the old tricks, he has to ‘up the ante’ in order to capture the control he feels is slipping through his fingers like sand.
Narcissists rarely commit suicide. When a Narcissist threatens to do this, it’s generally as a means of manipulation. If your partner keeps bringing it up, you may want to look into whether they have Borderline Personality Disorder, which is very similar to NPD, but with its own specific set of behaviors. The two disorders are often confused with one another because they belong in the same cluster and share certain traits. Additionally, a person can have both disorders simultaneously.
Those with Borderline Personality Disorder often have a history of violent and unpredictable mood swings, and typically have a history of harming themselves, such as cutting, drug abuse, or even overspending. These behaviors help relieve the internal pain the disordered person feels, but it’s only momentary.
Borderline Personality Disorder has the highest rate of suicide than any other disorder. According to studies, about 70 percent of those diagnosed with BPD have attempted suicide. Eight to 10 percent of those diagnosed will complete suicide, a rate 50 times higher than that of the general population. While Narcissists typically don’t harm themselves in this way, the risk of their following through apparently depends on the “type” of Narcissism they have.
There is simply no way of knowing for sure if a person will actually act on these threats. Further, even people who have no history of a personality disorder will sometimes commit suicide during bouts of severe depression, grief, and/or hopelessness, such as after the death of a loved one or the loss of a job.
If your disordered partner never threatened suicide until the end (after all the other tricks failed), it’s likely they have NPD, and are using it as a threat. If your partner has always threatened suicide, you’ll want to look into the possibility of BPD.
Regardless of which disorder they have, making this type of threat is a form of manipulation and control.
While no one wants to feel responsible for the self-inflicted death of another person, it’s important to understand that ultimately, it’s a choice the other person makes. If you have concerns that your partner may have BPD, the best you can do is try to help them seek treatment. However, I wouldn’t advise staying in the relationship unless they do seek treatment and go on medications to control their impulsive behaviors. Even then, there is the risk of their stopping treatment and meds, so to stay in the relationship is a gamble, especially if children are involved.
