Fantasy Lover

After requesting that Narc take our kids for a weekend so I could help a friend bring an aging parent's car back from Florida, Narc wanted specific details of who I would be traveling with. I refused to give him much beyond basic information.

Narc then accused me of wanting to abandon my children and run off to Key Largo to marry a millionaire! I had no idea where this was coming from, other than the fact that I had started dating again.

Narc stated he would take the house and full custody of the children so that I could run off with the millionaire named **** Martini, who was a real businessman who lived in a nearby community. I was dumbfounded.

A lot of the N's accusations were verbal, but here's a sample of the final email exchange:

Recovering Lady wrote:

I do not know a person named **** Martini. (Is this a reference to the bar owner in It's a Wonderful Life?) I honestly don't know what you're talking about with houses in Key Largo, semi-pro baseball players, running partners or "races." I'm perplexed and weirded out by all this.

I do value spending time with my friends on the weekends. Unlike you, I do not have the luxury of having family nearby. Time with friends helps me to heal.

Dear RL,

I may very well be confused based on what I was told by someone that **** Martini is a 62-year old millionaire accounting firm executive who is very Catholic and wants to marry you and take you to Key Largo. I am so sorry for my confusion. I thought you wanted to be spirited away by this wealthy Catholic running enthusiast and that my having the boys would make this possible for you. I was lead astray and confused.

Narc Decoder:

I am obsessed by the idea that you are dating again. (Never mind that I am currently on Match.com with a cheesy profile seeking sex partners.) I am searching the internet and combing through the information about your running races. I heard you have a male friend named ****, so when I saw someone with that name who finished a recent race around the same time as you did, naturally I obsessively researched him and discovered he is Catholic and rich, and so naturally I fantasized that he wants to marry you. And since he used to live in Florida, and you want to take a weekend to retrieve a car in Florida, I put two and two together. It made sense to me.

Sorry for the confusion on my part. I thought you were going to Florida with a stranger who might harm you. The boys need you. I know this.

I want you to THINK I am concerned for you and your safety. In reality, I hope that you will somehow disappear off the face of the earth so that I will not have to deal with the fact that you know all my secrets and might expose me. Please, just disappear! I like to fantasize that I could actually take care of our children if you were gone.

Recovering Lady wrote:

Wow! Send **** Martini's number! If he's single, maybe I should give him a call.

Narc wrote:

Send you the number of a millionaire accounting magnate who likes to run - granted he is 62 ? Not a chance. ;-D

Good night. Neighbors had me over to watch baseball.

Sweet dreams.

Narc Decoder:

Ha! Ha! You made a funny! That must mean you actually think all of this was amusing. I will respond with similar light humor, and assure you that my unsuspecting new neighbors like me so much that I am getting invitations to their homes. I will sign off with "Sweet dreams," even though you know I hope you have nightmares, preferably starring ME.