Negotiating with a Narcissist
This article deals mainly with a boss / employee situation, but the suggestions are still good.
So what's the solution for negotiating with a narcissist? Here are five tactics that might help create career self-defense:
Maintain your own integrity. Always conduct yourself respectfully in a business situation, even when others are not. This is not an emotionally satisfying tip. There have been times when clients confess that they want to re-enact the scene from Jerry Maguire and walk off of a job, yelling at the top of my lungs. It makes for great theater but is not a solid exit strategy in real life.
Stick to facts and evidence. Continue to focus on objective standards and evidence. Narcissists often thrive on other people's reactions, particularly when those reactions cause conflict. By sticking to the facts and objective standards (like market value, industry standards, precedent, cost/benefit analysis or return on investment), you minimize the potential for conflict.
Continue to collaborate. Treat this situation like a training exercise, and keep making collaborative suggestions. The situation might be a dead end, but that doesn't mean the practice of generating solutions is a waste of time. That skill - of creating options in the face of an impossible situation - is a highly marketable form of resiliency that will make you a key hire somewhere else.
Document everything. Send follow up emails. Document how long it takes for you to complete tasks that you were given, particularly the unreasonable ones. Take screen shots of Slack conversations if you need to (and by that I mean your evidence of hard work with a time signature.) Do not do anything dishonest (for instance, do not record telephone calls, which might be illegalin your state.) But do protect yourself by sending follow up emails that summarize conversations.
Keep working on your walk away plan. Consider starting an emergency fund if you don't already have one. Have a backup plan for alternative employment. Both actions create an ability to walk away from a toxic situation, and that's real power and leverage.