No More Energy Drinks

If there is one thing Lockwood students can agree on, it’s their love of energy drinks. In fact, 88% of students reported drinking at least one can per school day. This is excellent news for local beverage companies, but the Lockwood High School staff has a different take.

The results of a recent survey show that 72% of all teachers feel that students are too energetic, and 91% believe the overconsumption of energy drinks is to blame. Wild eyes, constant talking, and students literally bouncing off the walls were just a few of the reported symptoms. When asked to elaborate, LHS shop teacher Adam Fields said, “my Woods 2 class built an entire house in a single class period. That’s when I knew we had a problem.”

After reviewing the staff survey and meeting with a group of concerned parents, it has been decided that Lockwood schools will no longer allow energy drinks to be sold in any of its on-campus vending machines. Those spots that were once filled with various Monster flavors will be replaced with Vitamin Water, low-fat milk, and prune juice. The hope is this change will help to calm students down and prevent them from being so enthusiastic about their education. “School is meant to be a calm, meditative place,” said LHS principal Gordon Klasna.

“We simply cannot allow students to have fun, especially the kind that comes from a can.”

It remains to be seen how students will react to this unexpected change. The new rule will go into effect on April 1st, so Lockwood students better get their fix while they still can.