Google Meeting Working Doc: http://j.mp/2KVc7ik
Facilitators: Deb and Daya
Read
Chapter 11:
Topic: Taking responsibility for our feelings and experiences
Summary
1. How to changing from “you” to “I” shifts our language from Blame to responsibility of our responses / feelings
2. Difference between feelings and thoughts although they are related
3. When using the word that / like after the word feel in a statement it comes across as blame and it is more a thought or opinion than actually clearly stating feeling
Daya and Deb led Exercise 1: correct and incorrect own use of “like and that” in a statement. Teach why this is incorrect. We do the example
· Daya and Deb led Exercise 1: Incorrect use of the word like / that after feel (I feel that / like) – One round and get feedback from others about how it was to hear these statements
4. Taking partial responsibility and offer to help in a situation - stating how you feel, partial responsibility about your behavior and how can I help in letting you know?
5. Assertiveness – your needs and my needs are important and both are honored and met.
Group Exercise 2: Using your own situation (something not too triggering) say it with I statements, feelings, partial responsibility and maybe a request what can you do that would help. (Request a non blame change)
Chapter 12:
Topic: Listening well in relationships – Understanding and Valuing differences and contradictions we all have;
Summary:
1. People – Individual or groups, come with their own set of values
2. Relationships that are on the basis of mutual consent (Partners, work, friends) with commitment to each other’s well being – requires a willingness to step out of our frame of reference and to understand the other
3. What is the difference between reflective listening and conversation
4. Listening and valuing the difference between groups, individuals and when a person is in a dilemma
5. Knowing when to ask questions while listening only to get deeper understanding; listening without judgement;
Group exercise: 5 mins - Speak of a personal dilemma with listener doing reflective listening and with 2 questions for helping the speaker to go deeper.
Review what listener noticed their usual habits might be - wanting to debate, interrupt and advice or interject, advice with the speaker
Chapter 13:
Topic: Empathic Understanding in close relationships
Summary:
1. Learning and practicing together – making agreements
2. Taking turns in listening so one person does not become the listener
3. When asking questions – open ended does not help – to start the conversation it is ok.
4. Asking to be heard – Can you tell me what you understand about what I am feeling
5. Listening to Understand and not Problem Solving
6. Asking the speaker how they would like to be heard or reflect a bit and then ask depending
Group Exercise: Speaker telling listener they have a problem, listener asks how would you like to be heard and stating I am happy to listen
7. Empathy inspires a mutual giving and receiving between people. Creates a natural inclination for people to contribute towards each other’s well being
8. Pleasing and displeasing behavior - We engage in P’s and D’s in relationships and both can be have different implications to either the person doing or receiving the behavior.
Group Exercise: Talk about behaviors that each of us engage in pleasing someone or displeasing someone each person gives 2 examples if someone does not have anything to add we just move to the next person
9. Asking for change – How to make clear requests to the other person by, Checking the willingness of the person to do it, Making it a specific request, Ask the person to reflect the request in their own words, express appreciation
Group Exercise: Try making a request – hypothetical or personal situation and get feedback on how this is for the other person to receive