LESSON 05: CONFLICTS IN LISTENING:
Opening
Is there anything you want to share that interferes with having your attention on the meeting?
How are you feeling in the here and now Express with words, sound and movement. (sample VIDEO?)
Household
Anything that needs to be mentioned?
LESSON 05: CONFLICTS IN LISTENING
When your needs are critical, like you expect an important phone-call any minute ; when you feel a big resistance to go over a certain topic, you have to listen to your resistance. You have to express it or decide that you can ‘park’ it in order to be of service to someone else.
(we move our feeling of upsets back and bring forward our feeling of presence in the and now.)
(It's not holding yourself back but bringing your presence forward.)
However, if you park it, YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO COME BACK TO IT!
Your subconscious will register that you ‘park’ a feeling, a resistance, or something that you need to express. So when you do not do anything with it, when you do not either express it to the person or to your self, it sees a moment to all of a sudden pop it out, without you having a say of how it sounds. Gone is your patience, gone is your nice empathic pose, you hear yourself yelling something like: “NO, YOU ARE NOT DOING THAT….”
Practice: Empathic Listening circle with examples that you ‘flipped’ or when you 'lost' your patience etc.
How to ‘park’ your own thoughts, while listening and how to take your thoughts back.
When you are listening to someone, and you do not feel well all of a sudden (maybe eaten something wrong) or piled up information - head overflows,..... or if they say something so opposite of your belief, or even that you wonder if you need to inform others about this, you feel the big resistance crawling up upon you and maybe a heavy 'yell' in your stomach.
Breathe out, see if you can focus back on really empathic listening to the person, if not, then you have to use a ‘standing up’ expression of yourself: “I heard you saying….. and at that moment I felt totally nauseous, as it is very hard to hear for me.”
Then wait.
See what the response is of the person. If you have listened to them, you may all of a sudden hear them saying a listening message to you.
If they do, you can let them know what it reminded you of.
Then they may respond more emotionally.
At that point you focus back on them and feed them back their emotional state and the wording they used. And stay with them till they feel satisfied. But at least you let 'the steam off of the kettle'
If you cannot express yourself, breathe out ‘internally’ and ask your subconscious to ‘park’ your need of being heard. Once you have finished listening to the person, find a buddy of your own to whom you can express. If you have no one, help yourself by asking yourself: “What does this remind me of” A similar experience may come to mind. Thank your subconscious mind to bring up the similar situation and ask it to let go of the negative charges on it.
If you know meditation start one. If you would want to know more about Emotional Release, you can connect with us.
Sample VIDEO?
Exercise: shift focus. (break-out would be great)
All sit for two minutes quiet (with timer), eyes closed, breathe out, relax. Feel how your body feels, are there any stress points? When the timer goes off do an empathic listening circle to each other how you felt. This time you are very aware of the process of the change when you were totally focused on you and when you had to be the listener. Feel the difference!
MEDIATION : The shifting focus is used also to shift your focuse from one to another. Use most Reflective Listening with picking up the gist of the story that each is mentioning.
Give both parties their lead in what they want to say
Exercise: per 3 Take the sheet with topics and 2 take a topic that they have opposite ideas about.
The third person is the listener. Practice shifting focus and mentioning the gist of a message.